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How do you get the spark back?

  • 05-08-2009 7:43pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hello there. Me and my boyf have been together 2.5 years and I am beginning to feel a little...empty for want of a better word. I feel our relationship is just floating along.

    I make a lot of effort, I arrange nights out for us both, I do things like buying little gifts and leaving love notes (nothing sicky soppy but just little notes saying I love him etc) and I get nothing back.

    He doesn't make an effort with me, if I want to go out after work for a drink, I will make myself look nice and he will prefer to go as he is then when we are out, he is like oh come on let's go back home, we are wasting money out. But he will make an effort to go out with his mates for a drink and no doubt he wouldn't be rushing their pints to go home.

    Sex is dwindling, I am scared I will end up not fancying him anymore. He just seems happy plodding along when I want passion and excitement again. I know it is normal for a relationship to "settle" like this but it doesn't mean you can't make an effort to get the butterfly feelings back.

    What do you think?


Comments

  • #2
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Things sound a little stale, have you tried talking to him or are you hitting your head against a brick wall? If it is the latter, then you need to take action because the words are going over his head. You obviously show him things are lacking from his side, he must notice your notes and realise he never does it back. Has he suddenly changed? A lot of men just aren't the romantic type.

    As for sex, I know where you are coming from - sometimes all the lingerie in the world won't turn my man's head, he is far over worked and can't be arsed with me when I am in the mood. Is he stressed or tired?

    If you haven't already tried to seduce him with actions and not words, run a nice bubbly bath for the two of you, sit behind him and give him a nice back massage, kiss his neck, put your arms around him and enjoy the intimacy of it then hopefully it will relax him and make him feel sexy, then slip into something nice and get him a glass of wine to get him (drunk ;) ) in the mood and let nature take its course.

    Life has a habit of getting in the way of the fun stuff. You have been together quite some time so it isn't going to be like your honeymoon period but I think you should plan something nice once a week then you both have something to look forward to and you can spend quality time together rather than floating along as you say.


  • #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    YOU don't get the spark back, you both have to and if he doesn't want to then I am afraid it won't happen.

    Talk to him. Tell him you aren't happy and if he doesn't pull his weight, you are out. What is the point if you are unhappy?

    You don't say how old you are but I am sure you are young enough to have the chance at any relationship/man you like, if he doesn't want to make an effort for/with you, then he isn't right for you.

    Oh, and stop going out of your way to be romantic because I don't think he appreciates it and you are making yourself feel worse because you aren't getting anything in return for it.

    Keep yourself busy, too busy to be pandering to him and see if he notices, if he doesn't, then there is your answer. If he does, then there is your chance to sort it.


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