Kind of a mess

LegacyUser

ok heres the mess.
right I've known this girl for several months and we got on great and there was always a mutual physical attraction until recently when we started hanging out more as friends (we'd always just been 'say hi to each other in the pub' friends) and this intense attraction developed when we really got to know each other and we clicked on pretty much every level.
thing is she was in a 4 year relationship.
anyway she decided to end things with the boyfriend cos in her words it 'went on two years longer then it should have' and she wanted out. so anyway we started to see each other pretty soon after and decided to take things slow but obviously enough we wound up falling for each other pretty hard and wound up a couple.
for about a week. while discussing the whole thing she said that she had "spent two years longer then she should have in the relationship and had only gotten the guts to leave it when she had someone else to run too"
so I basically realised that she is terrified of losing the relationship framework in her life and I'm perhaps more of a rebound then i thought.
so I suggested that she stay single for a while till she gets her head together then when shes ready we can try get together without any of that hanging over us and I'd feel more confident in a relationship with someone whos in it because they want to be not because they fear not being in one.

anyway this all seemed like a great idea at the time and I stand by my words however I'm now freaked shes gonna use the time to go sleep around which wasn't exactly my intention. I more so meant for her to become mentally self sufficient and independent so we could be two people who chose to have each other in our lives as opposed to having to.

I mean I in no way hold anything over her and she's free to do as she pleases but that doesn't stop me being jealous. I've already developed pretty strong feelings for her and I'm also afraid that if I turn them off when she does finally turn around and say lets go for it I actually won't be in the same place I'm in now. also what if I sleep with someone else too, she's already stated that she'd be quite jealous (needless to say she wouldn't deny me that)
basically if we sleep with other people now and tell each other it'll inevitably drive a wedge between us at a very early part of the relationship and if we keep it a secret and it comes out in a year or sos time it'll still cause drama. also personally I'd also feel like I was cheating on her if I got with someone else.

any help appreciated.

puglover

I don't get it, you both like each other alot. Yet you have a problem with the fact that meeting someone she really liked gave her the strenght to end a relationship she wasn't happy in.... why is that?

OK you MIGHT be a rebound thing and her feelings might fade. Yours have just as much of a chance of fading too.
If you don't give it a chance it'll go nowhere, and worse case scenario you'll have your heart broken and you'll get over it but at least you won't be left wondering what might have been.

IMHO I don't think you both going off doing your own thing has any benefits, other than to drive you apart.