Break - what to do?

LegacyUser

We are on a break at the moment and i've been asked out by someone and i dont know what to do.

Quick run-down is that ive been seeing someone for a year and they want a break. I said yes tho i dont agree with breaks and its been a coupel of weeks now since we had contact.

Ive now been asked out by someone for tomorrow. Someone my fella knows and doesnt really like but i went on a date with him before and we had a great night. I stopped contact with him because im mad about my fella and didnt want to lead the other guy on.

Anyway now im thinking well why not? Im giving my fella the break that he wants, im in limbo and someone wants me to go out with them.

I dont know what to do..

_blank_

Why did the other person ask for a "break"?

I don't understand the concept of "breaks" anyway, total bullshít from one side if you ask me.

If you like this new person, go out with them.

Are you in contact with the person you are on a "break" from?

Why would anyone agree to a "break".

It's an excuse for the person who asked for it to shag other people with a clear conscience, all the while leaving some chump hanging around not knowing what the hell to do. As you are.

Just to add.

Do you think if the person who asked you for a break was asked out by someone else, that they'd dilly-dally and flim-flam around, or would they just go out with them?

There's your answer.

LegacyUser

hi des,

thanks for the straight talking its nothing i havent thought of beleive me.

They wanted a break because theirs a lot going on for them at the moment. We live in a small town and i know they haven't been with anyone else so its not that. i think that its more they are at a crossroads and dont know whether they want to be with me anymore.

i am a chump cos i should have just said goodbye when they asked for the break but i thought it might help. i feel really stupid now. Their hasnt been any contact becuase i wanted to give them the space they wanted and if it hadnt been for this other possible date i would have left it another while.

Feck it i think i'll go for it. Its just a date isnt it? Might help me come to my senses a bit to about what im looking for from our relationship.

Im so confused. Noone has got to me like this in a long time.

GirlatdRockShow

go on the date!

MJOR

I think that this whole break thing almost always is the prelude to a break up. Make sure you're going on the date for the right reasons and not just to get back at the person you're on a break from.

Look out for number one hon they clearly are

Ellsbells

I wouldnt be worrying about your ex (sorry but thats the reality) but I would not be going on the date just for the sake of it. Its not fair on the other person. Why rush into it? you are obviously still hung up on your ex...

EB

PS why do you want to be with someone who doesnt know if they want to be with you?

jonsnow

If he doesn,t like it just use the ross defence "we were on a break"

waltersobchak

your only on a break, your not actually broken up, so for one thing going on a date will definately complicate your relationship in the long run, on the other hand if you tell your boyfriend you went out on a date with someone it'll prob make him jealous and want to get back with you!!

Ellsbells

waltersobchak wrote: »

your only on a break, your not actually broken up, so for one thing going on a date will definately complicate your relationship in the long run, on the other hand if you tell your boyfriend you went out on a date with someone it'll prob make him jealous and want to get back with you!!

Do not listen to this advice... 'A break' is a polite and cagey PFO.... Dont mislead yourself and think it means you will get back together and if you do want to get back then dont tell him about the date. anyway, its none of his business.

Moomoo1

call up the person you are on a break with
tell him someone is asking you out
see what he says

MissyN

I don't want to hurt your feelings but if your 'boyfriend' was mad about you, he wouldn't want a break from you and the 2 weeks of no contact would be killing him and he'd be at your front door in no time.

You need to sit down with him and he needs to tell you either way what the story is. I think its disrespectful that he is treating you this way.

And if the relationship does come to an end you'll be sad (of course) but at least that way you'll know where you stand and get on with your life without the bull. Goodluck

PS Defo go on the date but just for fun.

Liber8or

I'll be honest with my response to this problem.

Firstly, I am a guy and if I was in your OH's position I really would not appreciate what you would be doing.

I know he initiated the break to sort his head out or whatever, but going on a date with some other guy (you know he does not like) would, imo, destroy the relationship and prevent any chance of getting back together. You say you are mad about your boyfriend but your actions tend to display otherwise.

Ofcourse, I realise this is a hard position for you, but before you even consider going on this date you need to contact your boyfriend and ask him what is going on. From this, you can either reveal your intentions to go on a date or (hopefully) resolve this break and get back with him. A few weeks is long enough to sort these things out.

However, do not go on the date or agree to it until you have spoken to your boyfriend. If you do, any hope of getting with him would be gone, if it was me in that situation.

LegacyUser

Just an update.

I went on the date and had an amazeing time. I didnt think about my oH once to be honest with you. It sorted a lot out for me in my mind and i think i agree with what some of you said. If he loved me that much would he go nearly 3 weeks now with no contact at all. Probabley not.

Im going to do him the favor and finish it with him. Wether anything happens between me and the other guy is a different story but at least i can stop the hurt that i am feeling letting my boyfirend 'ignore' me like this for so long.

Breaks are crap. And yes i think they are the first step to goodbye for most and certainly a weaning process as someone else has said. i haven't done anything wrong in our relationship and am worth more than that.

Thanks for all your advice.

ladygirl

Unregistered wrote: »

Just an update.

IBreaks are crap. And yes i think they are the first step to goodbye for most and certainly a weaning process as someone else has said. i haven't done anything wrong in our relationship and am worth more than that.

Good for you, I am completely against the "breaks" thing, and have made it very clear to my boyfriend from the start that i dont agree with "breaks" and that its an excuse to hook up with someone else.. If he wants a "break" well then it had better be a permanent one cause I will not get back with him afterwards...

Your BF may have been going through a bad time in life but that is something he should have wanted you with him for, cutting you out is letting you know you are not on his list of priorities...

Best of luck to you,, and on the other side of this, by telling him its over, could be exactly the wake up call he needs,, then its up to you..

narac

Ok, first of all, well done for going on the date. After three weeks of zero contact, you were dead right to take the opportunity and meet another person. Even if it goes nowhere, you have found out more about yourself.

But now, this whole "break" malarky....everybody here seems to be saying that breaks are a load of BS, and it means they don't love you/want to finish it with you/etc. But that's just not true. I should say at this point, before I go any further, that no contact for over three weeks is far more than a break. He should have at least let you know he was ok, and checked how you were.

Shortly before myself and my other half got married, we had a "break". It was only a couple of days, and neither of us met anybody else or did anything in the interim. It came about because my now wife was really struggling with alot of personal issues that stemmed right back from her childhood. She was really coming to grips with some stuff, and was really struggling to deal with it. She basically asked for this break because she needed to know if being in a longterm relationship was what she needed at the time. At no point did she question her love for me, but being in love with someone doesn't make it the best thing for you! Relationships aren't all about the interaction between two people. It can be very easy to forget that each person can have their own baggage that they need to deal with, and unfortunately sometimes you can't deal with it with another person their.

Also, sometimes people just get really scared of the commitment - the idea that this could be it, this is the person they're going to spend the rest of their life with. It's a scary though for the least commitment-phobic among us! When somebody feels like this, the one person they cannot talk to is their other half. Even though most of the time there is nothing wrong with the relationship, and they love the other person no less. People just need to remember that, sometimes, people need to deal with their sh*t their way.

However, this isn't always the case - soemtimes someone is just being a prick, and feels they wat to "play the field", but have the fallback of having someone waiting for them when they decide to stop. But it's easy to tell the difference between someone who is genuinely having a spiritual epiphany in their lives, and someone that just wants to play around a bit.

Now, it sounds to me like the OP's bf (ex?) is just acting the maggot. As I said, she should have had some contact from this guy. Not having contact shows complete disregard and disrespect for her.

Sephiroth_dude

I think you should given him the boot the first time he even mentioned the word "break" and think you were right to go on that date,breaks suck,best of luck op .