Asking a guy out as old as my dad?

LegacyUser

Ok I am going unregged for this

I know this man for many many years, served in various local committees together, GAA etc. He is always good company and well respected locally. As far as I know he has never been marrried and I have never seen him with a girlfriend or partner I am also quite sure that he is not gay - just a bit shy around women. I really like this man and would like to take our friendship further.I don't know his exact age but I guess he is late 40's or early 50's I am 31. I am very aware that it would raise a few eyebrows .Where we live is a small place and both of us are well known to everyone. Although we get on very well and I have dropped several hints I know he just wouldn't muster the courage to ask me out. Am I just being silly or should I go for it and ask the guy out ? What are the chances of ruining a great friendship if it all goes pear shaped?

Wagon

**** the neighbours. Ask him. You are a grown woman so you can go out with who you like.

LegacyUser

ill second that,, go for it...

LegacyUser

Forget the neighbours. If you're interested then go for it. If you're worried about scaring him off, why dont you ask him to something that you know he's interested in, maybe something on in the daytime which wouldnt be too heavy. Then see how it goes from there.

LegacyUser

50 year old with no experience of relationships at that.

Leave well alone.... loads of nice guys out there,....why complicate a situation for yourself

VaioCruiser

Age means nothing.

Follow your heart. It is all that matters.

All the best.

SheRa

i think that you'd regret it if you dont go for it.

When I read your post I though that the age gap would be more to be honest. There's a 12 year age gap in my realtionship and it doesn't bother me. I couldn't care less.

Ruu_Old

Let the neighbours talk if they want. Give it a try anyway, you'll regret it if you give in to small minds. Be happy.

dh0661

Go for it girl, and please let us know how it goes.

My OH is 10 years older than me, married with 2 kids and still madly in love.

LegacyUser

OP here again.
This is infuriating, I asked him if he would like to go out sometime over the weekend for a drink, or to see a movie etc. His reply was "Yea if you like" which means nothing. Anyhow we went to local bar for a few drinks and before you could say "Pint Please" there are 4 others at the table and and it goes on like that for the night, we had a great evening as a crowd but I never got to chat with him exclusively. I think this guy just dosen't have a clue. Anyway I hope to try again any ideas anyone?

R.D. aka MR.D

Is there anyone you can ask about him, his history etc? There could be some reason he's unresponsive.

or maybe try the cinema the next time, or ask him to sunday lunh somewhere and a scenic drive after.

Do you contact him via text or phonecall? some forward texts could work?

LegacyUser

Op here again
Ta for the reply, there is no history really, I know him all my life and there would be no issues in his family from the past or anything like that. Thing is he is pleasant with everyone but so are both his sisters who are married locally. He also has a brother in Dublin who occasionally turns up over the summer hols. They have a tiny little farm but he works as well. He is the youngest and both parents are dead. Normallly this guy is as bright as a button and is far from stupid but just appears to have no interest in romance.

Birdsong

Definatily go for it again, but go into the nearest big town, or next village at least, where you can be sure you won't get all the locals coming up. Where I am from it would be the same, staying local becomes like a committee meeting for the GAA

Taltos

Something to keep in mind is that if he is has gone a long time without a relationship or having received interest from a woman - he might just not be thinking that way...
What I am trying to say is that subtlety will just not cut it. Might sound harsh - but just ask him if he "would like to go for a date with you next thursday? You heard of a great restaurant in the next town that you would like to go to with him".
As I said blunt - word date here - though maybe very kiddy might be just what you need to really let him know you are interested.

If he asks why - just tell him you like him and would like a chance to get to know him a bit better. You know take it slow and just see what happens.

Really hope this works for you - but as a guy - we are kinda dense - and you have to figure that his level of denseness may be higher in this area if things have been a bit quiet - all about self-protection here...

LegacyUser

Go for it. What do you have to lose? I'm a 28 year old girl and my OH just turned 50. We'll be 5 years together next month. The only advice i'd give is go with your gut feeling and be realistic about what you expect from the relationship (if it gets to thats stage). Age is just a number ONLY if you're both singing from the same hymn sheet.

jmbkay

He sounds emotionally immature to me, and not very interested in a one to one relationship with you.

LegacyUser

Be very careful. I fancied a guy my own age late 40s. Had liked him for about 3 years . Would have the occassion to meet him once or twice a week also ran into him often live in a small town. He would always smile say hollo by my name and give a look like he liked me, OK I was seperatedand he was single. I was realy shy and tounge tied so could not talk to him. One day picked up the courage to write to him, BIG Mistake. I honestly nearly died of embarrassment when I got a reply back which implied how dare I sugest such a thing he was a single person and had no intrest in a relationship. (I said nothing about a relationship onely to meet up if he would like to)I would not have minded too much if he said it in a civil manner, but made me feel so bad
I still feel terrable if I happen to meet him anywhere. I had felt 100% sure he liked me too but how wrong can you be. I think he thought I was offering myself to him,
Beleive me it hurt and humiliated me my confidance went down alot I would never again dream of asking a man out or let them know I liked them.

ps OK anyone would say why was I so bad wiyh the confidance. Had come out of a bad marriage put my confidance way down plus another bad relationship before I married. SHURE CAN PICK THEM or are there any nice men

LegacyUser

OP here again,
Good news and bad news, "arranged" to just happen to run into MrX during the week, thanked him for the night out and told him how much I enjoyed it etc etc. He said same for him that he would love to have someone to go out with and really misses not having someone etc. Jesus how thick can a man be.
So I told him you are looking at her and he went all red on me and nearly dies of shock I thought we would be heading straight to the A&E. We agree to head off about 30 miles away for a meal Sat night. Had a great night out and even kisses afterwards. I rang him Sunday to say thanks and if he is doing anything. He goes all bashful on me and I think he is just scared what my family and the neighbours would think and that it would be seen that he is only taking advantage of me. I just don't know what to do I really feel deep down that he would love for us to be a couple but he is just so hung up on what he perceives would be everyone else's opinion. What in the hell can I do to try and sort this out.I am really tempted to just go and tell as many as possible that we are going out and present him with a fait au compli but am a bit scared of the consequences.

snowy2008

just take it slow, this is obviously a first for him, fair play to you, well done, that took balls, well done! just take it handy, im delighted for you, congrats!

squonk

Yeah take it handy. It's a lot for him to take in too and rural areas being what they are he knows there'll be plenty of tongues wagging (or think there would be). Its hard to just come up with the confidence to ignore them and carry on. Really it's none of their business. Don't go telling anyone just for the sake of it. Don't want to be negative but it mightn't last so no point in making a bit issue of it. Just show up together at things and treat it as a fact and talk to the guy. If you're both very confident about it (like any othe couple) people will accept it. Sure there are a few who'll talk but let them. They'll soon move on to someone else doing something way more 'scandalous' Best of luck and well done!!!

Reesy

teresa2008 wrote: »

just take it slow, this is obviously a first for him, fair play to you, well done, that took balls, well done! just take it handy, im delighted for you, congrats!

When the time's right, kiss him again! Good luck.

CDfm

Why don't you keep the dating thing up as you are doing. Once you guys are more comfortable with each other as a unit it will be easier to tackle other people.

Carsinian Thau

Go for it.

Age is irrelevant. Provided you have similar levels of maturity, of course.

Which considering your respective ages, you will.

ManOfMystery

Slowly and surely is the way to go. Whilst you might love to run off and tell everyone, this would only infuriate him and embarass him at this early stage.

Give him some time to get to know you, some time to be used to being with a new partner, and as his affection grows for you he'll care less and less what people think.

Whilst I can't relate to the age difference, my partner and I met through work and made a subtle effort to keep our relationship a 'secret', at least for a while until we knew it was going to work out. After a few months I had fallen completely for her and didn't give 2 hoots who knew about it!

Can I also add the age difference isn't that big a deal - it may be different if you were 187and he was 60, but two adults who are 31 and 45-40 are both considered mature. And if he's a nice and well respected guy, then I'm sure people will be glad to see him happy and with someone.

I wish you the best

LegacyUser

Hi OP how did the w'end go for you two? If you are still seeing each other I would suggest you try and organise a w'end away,( far from friends & relatives). It's agreat chance to talk and get to know one another.

LegacyUser

I really hope it all works out for both of you. I'm 33 and spent 5 very happy years with a man who is now 59. We got together when I was 26 and he was 52. We broke up because I want children and he doesn't, but are still very close friends.

LegacyUser

Hi all,
Op here again.Thanks for the replies and sorry for not getting back to you all sooner. We have been out twice since I last posted. Still not sure where all this is going.We had a lovely meal the other night all chit chat and all of that but body language was not good.He never touched me once while we were in public or even walked with me , just walked behind me like we weren't even out together. Going home later I felt awkward and silent & him too. I just don't know what is happening inside this man's mind. Then when it is time to say good night we have a huge snogfest, warm embraces, he tells me I make him feel like a new man and I even feel a little bulge in the groin area when he was close to me but didn't let on I detected anything.
Last night same thing again. It is almost as if he is embarrassed to be seen out with me. He acts like a guy who is having a clandestine affair and he isn't. I know that for sure.Last night kissing for ages and he can kiss with the best of them, wherever he learnt it. I had to seriously restrain myself from raping him in the car.
This blowing hot and cold is driving me nuts and I am seriously considering ending the whole thing.Should I hang in there and just give him time to readjust or call it a day?

SarahSassy

Give it a bit more time but maybe only til the end of Sept... Give him a chance to get his head round this and get used to the idea....

LegacyUser

Give him some time to get used to being with you, but dont leave it too long. You will have to bring it up with him if he doesn't change in a few weeks.

CDfm

You have to take into account that he may be nervous and out of practice in dealing with a relationship.

It may be for you to take the lead, set the speed and boundaries of the relationship.

So can you take the lead OP.

mylittlepony

Hi!
Just remember reading your post.
Love to know any update with your man?
Did you give me more time and it work out or..?