Why text after so long???

LegacyUser

Hey - wanted to go unregistered on this one. Basically im looking for a male opinion here - or a female one who can explain the workings of the male mind to me.
I'll try n keep this short and sweet (note the word TRY).

So i met this guy about 3 yrs ago on a night out wen we were both away for the weekend. We got on rly well so we exchanged digits n ended up meetin up again the next night. We were both headin home to opposite parts of the country the next day so we left it at that. But we kept in contact and he was around my neck of the woods a month later so we met up again. The followin month he came up for weekend specially to see me. Neither of us were ever under the impression that it was anytin serious but we kept in touch n seen each other about 6 times over the space of a year. Gradually we were txtin less n over the space of the next yr we only met up twice.

I really liked him n didnt wanna lose touch but by this stage i was the one doin all the txtin, all the callin n all the arrangin to meet up. Thinkin back on it im actually quite embarassed about it cos i now feel like i was throwin myself at him. But in fairness to him, he's one of the most decent polite guys i ever met (genuinely dont think im wearin rose tinted glasses here) and even tho i was gettin the impression that he was losing interest, he never didnt reply r didnt answer - i just felt like i was the one makin all the effort to keep in touch.

Anyway - this went on for a few months and i got sick of it. So after sending (embarrassingly) drunken messages once or twice i decided to call it quits. He obviously was no longer interested and i pretty much knew that if i stopped makin the effort to keep in touch we'd more than likely lose contact. And sure enough we did. Didnt hear from him in almost 8 months and had accepted the fact that, that was that.

Then 8 months later i get a txt joking about a GAA match - had kinda been a common theme of our conversations. No "hi, hows things" - just a jokey txt as if we'd never lost touch.......
I mean i just dont get it!!!!

He's 28 - 32 and from what i know of him he's really really not the sort to be playin immature mind games with me. The way i see it - he lost interest in the long distance thing and hadnt the heart (balls - wotever u wanna call it ) to tell me. So i stopped getting in touch and i let him off the hook. That way - he didnt have to be the bad guy by lettin me down. So why, can anyone please explain why he'd bother txting me 8 months later??? We sent about 4/5 txts over the space of the same amount of days and then that was it - no word since. I just dont understand.

Im not stupid or naive - i know he's not interested in me. But if he's the nice guy i think he is then why wud he bother dragging this whole thing up again by gettin back in contact?????

Any advice greatly welcomed

Zaph

OP, if you're posting again in this thread couild you please drop the text speak as it's not permitted in this forum. Thanks.

LegacyUser

OP here! apologies for text talk - very bad habit of mine

LegacyUser

You know how it is sometimes....someone just pops into your head.... and you think "to text or not to text" and if you've a few beers on board...you'll hit send...
That's about it.
Delete his number... or else you'll be next to hit send on a drunken text!

CDfm

I seems to me that its to do with age difference.

You met him when you were the same age as he is now or there abouts and his attitude to settling into a relationship would have been different.He also would have been settling into a career and getting established. The Gap between your levels of experience and his has also narrowed. He also might have worried about bthe age diffeence and its significance will also have lessened.

You may have had very different relationship expectations at the time and his may have caught up with yours.

Getting in touch now- there is a chance he wants to give it a go.

LegacyUser

OP here again - just realising the confusion wit the age issue. He's now 29 or 30 (not entirely sure) and im 24. So im the younger one in the situation.
Not sure if this matters or will change opinions

Dean820

How about asking him??? There could be an explanation that makes sense.

wolfric

Sometimes the mind games aren't on purpose. It's simple psychology. We want what we can't have. I find that i don't bother reaching out to friends who are always there anyway. Then after a while or finding that they're gone and haven't spoken in a while, i reach out to them again.

It is possible that he wanted to be "just friends" with you but got a feeling that you wanted more. The best way to stop that happening is to just let the talking/relationship cool down until those feelings die out rather then to just let them grow and then have to deal with a confrontation. Put it this way. Imagine a lesbian was good friends with you and at some stages seemed to be very good friends with you, dropping hints etc. You'd probably back off (for one, feeling unsure/maybe even threatened) and then you'd probably not want to risk it getting messy.

Sometimes everyone just gets nostalgic and reaches out to people for a friendly how's things. I'd sugest (in the most common situation) to just reply politly but reservingly and get on with your life. Sounds like you're still holding onto hope.

If you really want closure, ask him straight out. More then likely you're not going to get a "i wasn't feeling confident enough to call you" answer. This approach does tend to be a relationship killer though. Kind of like chopping down a tree to see how old it is. If you do want him, a slim chance of future built mind games might lead to a 0.0001% chance of getting him...but who wants to be playing mind games for the first few years of their relationship. A decent relationship has tugs. Pulls and pushes.... respect and desire and it moves somewhere. If you fumble the beginning i'm afraid to say you should usually just move on.

CDfm

You are 32 years old OP -why not pick up the phone and ask him.

If you are 16 its different but you a grown up enough the know what you want from a relationship.

shellyboo

Did you sleep with him when you were seeing him? This absolutely *screams* booty call to me. That or he's just bored and looking for a bit of an ego boost.

LegacyUser

Thank for your thoughts on this - just wanna reply to a few of the responces i got.

First off - i know it wasnt a drunken txt he sent cos it was 2 in the day and he told me he was jst home from work watching a football match. If he had txt at like 12 on a saturday night or something id have understood more - but the fact that he was sober makes me question the reason for gettin back in touch.

Also, just wanna clarify CDfm- im about 6 years younger than him. And i have tried askin him out right before when I thought he was losing interest and he always told me it was in my head and he definitely wanted to keep in touch so long as thats what i wanted.

And finally yes - we did sleep together. The booty call thing was the first conclusion i came to but in fairness - why travel half way across the country for a booty call??? He's a goodlookin guy so if a s**g was all he was after im sure he cuda got one a lot closer to home with a lot less effort.

Again, the suggestions and advice are much appreciated so all thoughts on this welcomed

CDfm

OP - call him and ask him.