Help - I don't know what to do now

LegacyUser

I have the most fantastic lovely boyfriend he is perfect in every way and I am madly in love with him its a LDR and we see each other most weekends and I was blissfully imagining our future together marriage kids etc . Then he dropped a bombshell on me. He said he thought the world of me: but he is not in love with me .He isn't sure if he will ever love me. I am heart broken I cried he cried He then said that things didn't have to change between us and we should keep seeing each other. I just don't know what to do should I keep this going and end up badly hurt? Whats the point if he can't love me ? We spent a lovely weekend together and have a holiday planned next week but I think I should cut my losses and run for the hills while I still have some chance of recovering from this ? What should I do any advice please

Moomoo1

what would he have you do?

Agent J

Ask yourself if you can live with being with someone who you know isnt in love with you.

Personally. I couldn't.

newbie_84

You dont mention how long the two of you are going out together. Are ye only together a short while? If so, he may not yet know whether he loves you or not,which is perfectly reasonable-it takes a while to truly fall in love with someone. If, however, ye are together quite a while, and he "doesnt ever see himself loving you"----get out! There is absolutely no benefit staying with someone who doesnt love you in the vain hope that they might change their mind. You deserve better!!

Oh The Humanity

You poor thing....so sorry

He has told you he is not in love with you but still wants to keep seeing you.....OP he may not mean to be, but that is cruel to you. Its really just him keeping himself happy until.......someone comes along he is 'in love' with and then you will be double broken hearted.

I suppose the advice should be rip off the plaster now. Very, very hard to do but it will save you from terrible pain in the long term.

I'm so sorry, its such a rotton thing to dump on you and expect you to still continue regardless. Its unreasonable.

Firetrap

I think you know in your heart and soul that it's time to cut and run but it's easier said than done. You will need to finish this relationship though - by staying with him you're settling for second best and you will always be looking over your shoulder wondering when he'll find someone else that he likes better than you and leaves you behind.

He's not helping you by suggesting things stay the same. It suits him perfectly - he's told you he's never going to love you but he still gets to enjoy your company and all the other stuff that it entails but he's got a "get out clause". You really need to stop this now before it goes any further and you start codding yourself.

Novella

Other posters have said it here before me but OP, you don't deserve to be with someone who isn't in love with you. You deserve someone who loves you to teeny, tiny little pieces so why put up with this? Eventually your bf will find someone he does think he can be in love with, more than likely, and what will happen then? I am so sorry that this has happened and it is horrible but you should never settle for second best.

merlie

I am so sorry for you that you are going through this. I can only imagine what you must be feeling. Honesty is good and that he came out with telling you how he feels. But you must look after yourself and be true to your feelings. He might care for you but that may be the sum of it. You should be open about what you want and be honest with your feelings.

If I was you I would want to take time away from this, do other things that take your interest, go out with friends or go for a walk and get some fresh air and consider what are your options,.to stay in a loveless 'relationship' or find someone that loves you in return.

Think on that.

Hope it all works out for you

Good Luck

SheRa

Novella wrote: »

Other posters have said it here before me but OP, you don't deserve to be with someone who isn't in love with you. You deserve someone who loves you to teeny, tiny little pieces so why put up with this? Eventually your bf will find someone he does think he can be in love with, more than likely, and what will happen then? I am so sorry that this has happened and it is horrible but you should never settle for second best.

Novella you put this very well. OP you deserve to be with someone that loves you as much as you love them, that loves you no matter what. Sorry if this sounds a bit harsh, but what happens when he finds someone that he falls in love with?

Though I have to say that if if you guys are only going out a while, it could just take a while for such strong feelings to develop and so ignore the above. Either way I hope that you are ok.

LegacyUser

Ok, my battery is about to die, but I really really felt I had to reply to this post.

I am not one for chick lit, but read the book "Hes just not that into you". I read it recently-I was very dubious about reading it but, it does make alot of sense.

First of all, you are with an emotionally unavailable man who has just told you that he will never be available to you.

Second, you are pondering, and wishing your future away. Time spent with the wrong person, who is emotionally unavailable (see point 1) is time that could be spent a) finding someone who actually does value you or b) improving parts of your life i.e. you must have a little low self esteem if you will try and stay with a man who has told you he doesnt want to be with you.

Now what are you going to do? Breaking up is the hard part. Believe me Ive been there a few times, but you deserve alot better. If you drag this out, you will only end up hurting yourself. He has told you the truth. For my part Id say at least he is honest. Now take that honesty and move on bit by bit.

LegacyUser

OP here thanks to every one for their replies .
We have been seeing each other a year now so I guess its time I stopped fooling myself and ended the whole thing I know its what I need to do but I am totally broken hearted . I cann't spend my life wishing and hoping he is going to change his mind , and I know I need to move on