Will I won't I??

LegacyUser

ok so here the thing...was with my BF for 2 years very turbulant realtionship lots of hurt and tears etc.

we broke up a few weeks ago and have had barely any contact, which i think is the best way anyway so no big issue there.

But since we split a few of his friends, who became my friends over the time we were together have been very 'supportive' of me since the split.

now at first i was like, ok maybe they are just checkin in to get some feedback for the EX or whatever, but this support quickly turned to 'oh lets meet for coffee etc' - these are male friends of his.

now perhaps this is very cynical of me and maybe they really do want to still be mates or whatever, but i cant help the feeling that they are interested in me, one in particular, who i got on well with during my realtionship, but we were never particularly close.

so now he has tried a few times to arrange to meet and i feel i cant keep blowing him off because what if he really is just wanting to be friends, but you know when you have that niggling feeling that there is something else, a hidden agenda or something?

so i have agreeed to meet him in a few days time for a coffee, i just dont want it to be awkward, after all he is supposed to be EX's mate and i would not feel comfortable with taking things any furhter than coffee, which is what i feel he is looking to do.

i just dont know what to do here...very confused as to how to handle the situation

LegacyUser

Don't go there this guy is up to no good I doubt your EX even knows what he is up to but i'd say he will try it on with you you split up with your EX so at the same time you should tell his friends where to go. Somebody is only going to end up getting hurt.

nedd

he is not just wanting to be friends. he is trying to get into your pants.

LegacyUser

Text your EX and tell him whats going on ask him whats he playing at he will find out..

VaioCruiser

Unregistered wrote: »

ok so here the thing...was with my BF for 2 years very turbulant realtionship lots of hurt and tears etc.

we broke up a few weeks ago and have had barely any contact, which i think is the best way anyway so no big issue there.

But since we split a few of his friends, who became my friends over the time we were together have been very 'supportive' of me since the split.

now at first i was like, ok maybe they are just checkin in to get some feedback for the EX or whatever, but this support quickly turned to 'oh lets meet for coffee etc' - these are male friends of his.

now perhaps this is very cynical of me and maybe they really do want to still be mates or whatever, but i cant help the feeling that they are interested in me, one in particular, who i got on well with during my realtionship, but we were never particularly close.

so now he has tried a few times to arrange to meet and i feel i cant keep blowing him off because what if he really is just wanting to be friends, but you know when you have that niggling feeling that there is something else, a hidden agenda or something?

so i have agreeed to meet him in a few days time for a coffee, i just dont want it to be awkward, after all he is supposed to be EX's mate and i would not feel comfortable with taking things any furhter than coffee, which is what i feel he is looking to do.

i just dont know what to do here...very confused as to how to handle the situation

It's not rocket science. Your ex and his friend are his business. You and him are finished. If you like the guy, who just HAPPENS to be a friend of his, then that is between you and him and no one else.

When people split there is no residual 'restrictive practice' clause in the contract. You are both free agents. Be free !!

All the best

LegacyUser

quote from previous post~~~~~When people split there is no residual 'restrictive practice' clause in the contract. You are both free agents. Be free !! ~~~~~

NO - but there should be. Be fair to your ex and yourself and take a wide berth here. Woudl you like if your ex was in a relationship with your friend and u had to hear all the gorey details all the time?????

LegacyUser

thanks for the replies, i know this is pretty trivial compared to the rest of people problems on here!!

thing is i dont want a relationship with this guy at all, hes not that close with the EX anyway, they would just see each other out in the clubs or whatever, but i know thats not the point.


I dont find the friend attractive or see myself going any further than a coffee with him, maybe dinner but thats it!! but at the same time i dont want to be rude or seem up myself that i wont go meet the guy for a chat because i think he is only trying to get stuck into me. he is a very nice guy and we get on well, great chats etc.

I had a long painful breakup and thats another reason why i dont really want to be around people that remind me of EX or where there is a chance i will bump into him or hear about him, i suppose if the shoe was on the other foot, if i found out that one of my 'friends' was meeting EX for coffee im sure id feel a bit put out or something. but like i say they really arn't like best mates or anything.

i dont know im so confused here, really i am, how do i tell the guy - no sorry i dont want to meet you because its innapropriate? i think it would be easier if he was trying to ask me on a date that way i could be more upfront and say how i feel about the whole EX/friend thing.

I just dont want to offend anyone, hes been so nice to me during the aftermath of the split and we have had great chats etc over text and whatnot, its just weird.

if i was more friendly/close with him while i was with EX maybe it wouldnt feel so awkward.

I always get myself into these situations, so annoying.

redfacedbear

OP Here wrote: »

I just dont want to offend anyone

OP Here wrote: »

I always get myself into these situations, so annoying

I think there is probably a connection between these two comments :pac:

I think that the solution is quite straightforward but will probably need some straight talking from you.

If you think you would like this fellow to be a friend and can get your head around the fact that it is probably okay to be friendly with acquaintances of your ex then meet him for coffee. When you meet, make it clear that nothing more than friendship is on the table.

If not, then tell him straight up. Perhaps you could cushion the blow a bit by saying that the contact is holding you back from moving on wrt the ex and that you need to leave it for a while for the sake of your own wellbeing.

Blazer

OP Here wrote: »

I had a long painful breakup and thats another reason why i dont really want to be around people that remind me of EX

you just said it yourself...there's your excuse.
If he's really a nice guy he'll accept this and move on..but it's obvious he wants more.