I feel.... nothing.

LegacyUser

So let me set the scene. Its the beginning of the summer and my girlfriend on 2 and a half years, she 18, me 19 and we have been going through a bit of a rough patch. We are both fiercely independent individuals so at times there have been some conflicts. We usually take a cooling off period, maybe 2 weeks of limited contact to get our heads right, then we are right back into a lubby-dubby relationship. Its quite a splendid relationship, very loving, very caring, very supportive.

Now, she has a summer home in a foreign European country, and regularly spends a few weeks during summer and winter there. Sometimes I go over for a few weeks but couldn't this year because of money. I have none and only recently got a job(woot!). So, we went on a break.

Now, this is where things get a bit fuddled. While over there, she slept with another guy. Now, while I would agree we were on a break and she did nothing wrong in that sense, I was completely devastated and totally shaken. Its not the fact that she had sex with someone else, but because she felt it was ok to have sex with someone else and it seems she wouldn't care if I did. I would put a lot of importance on sex and I thought she did too. I guess not. I wouldn't mind if she kissed, tossed off or had oral sex with someone else, but I see a line after that.

Now, after I was initially told, I was absolutely devastated. It was three in the morning and I literally... well I won't say cried, but certainly wept myself to sleep. Now its a week later.

We had a talk about it and she feels awful about it, I don't think about what she did, but how I reacted and how upset she made me. I felt... nothing. I don't feel angry, I don't feel sad. I just feel nothing. I upsets me to think about her with another guy, the mental image is very unsettling. But towards her I feel nothing, no anger, no pain. We spoke about breaking up permanently and it didn't bother me at all.

What the hell is wrong with me? This is a girl I spent 2 1/2 years with. She called me and I've never heard her cry so much, she drank herself to sleep last night(I of course told her not to, but what could I do). What I think it is is that I respect her less as a person, just throwing herself to another guy. She does have a problem with spending long periods of time alone so usually ends up kissing someone else, which you know, is fine with me as I do the same. But sex... is different I thought.

Well that's the end of my story, any impartial advice/thought/help would be great.

Sorry if it was a bit long winded.

LegacyUser

You are so young. My opinion is that this relationship is over. This is my opinion so it may not be true. You will have plenty of opportunities to meet with other Girls and one day to find the right one. You have time on your side.

Wagon

She went too far i think. It completely hurt you when she shagged someone else and now you have just switched off to her completely. I don't think there's anything wrong with you. I think the moment she slept with someone else you just said "fair enough, f**k her so" and it's your own independance shining through.

If you don't care about her anymore and want her gone, then tell her so. There's nothing wrong with you though, if anything you're just protecting yourself.

ManOfMystery

Despite what you say above, it doesn't sound a healthy relationship to me. Any relationship which has long periods (1-2 weeks) where you're on 'breaks' and see other people doesn't really sound like a proper relationship in some respects.

Firetrap

You could be numb or perhaps it's that your relationship has run its course.

Nobrow

Sorry dude but its over. Its only been a week man. Youre in shock. If you feel "nothing" its a defence mechanism. Its going to wear off and believe me, youll f*cking feel something. Your relationship will now suffer a very long-term, if not permanent, imbalance. You will always feel angry and betrayed.

Tell her to jog on now while youre still coping reasonably well. Sooner you do it, the sooner you will get over it.

Sorry man. Been there. Know how bad it is. Good luck.

Nervous Wreck

TBH, you've nothing to feel angry about and she has nothing to feel guilty about. You both decided to go on a break and if you'd wanted to set parameters to that break, you should have communicated them before settling on it, rather than assuming that she knew where your head was at. Just because she slept with someone else doesn't mean that sex is unimportant to her and it's really immature of you to infer as such. She's crying/drinking herself to sleep because of the way you chose to react to a situation that you helped to create. Respect her less all you want, but that doesn't reflect her actions; only your inability to be an adult and cope with your situation. As mentioned above, your relationship doesn't sound as healthy as you like to make out and something like this seems like it was inevitable anyway. Find a kindness in the situation and allow each of you to move on amicably.

LegacyUser

Nervous Wreck wrote: »

TBH, you've nothing to feel angry about and she has nothing to feel guilty about. You both decided to go on a break and if you'd wanted to set parameters to that break, you should have communicated them before settling on it, rather than assuming that she knew where your head was at. Just because she slept with someone else doesn't mean that sex is unimportant to her and it's really immature of you to infer as such. She's crying/drinking herself to sleep because of the way you chose to react to a situation that you helped to create. Respect her less all you want, but that doesn't reflect her actions; only your inability to be an adult and cope with your situation. As mentioned above, your relationship doesn't sound as healthy as you like to make out and something like this seems like it was inevitable anyway. Find a kindness in the situation and allow each of you to move on amicably.

OP here, perhaps I came off a little too strongly on the taking breaks front, it very rarely happened and the two weeks was when we were having some bad problems to do with silly priorities on both our parts, but thats beside the point as I like to think the small breaks were the reasons we never bickered or anything.

Anyway, onto your post. Thank you for that, that was really a wake up call and definitely something I needed to hear. I've been thinking that perhaps the reason I am not angry isn't because I don't care for her, but because I over reacted initially because of my rather strict religious upbringing( I have since abandoned all religion) manifesting itself through me with regards to sex and I'm really not that bothered about it after all.

tanyaog2007

ManOfMystery wrote: »

Despite what you say above, it doesn't sound a healthy relationship to me. Any relationship which has long periods (1-2 weeks) where you're on 'breaks' and see other people doesn't really sound like a proper relationship in some respects.

+1 , i have been with my bf since i was 16 4years with him, we never had one break. i wud say forget it, its not workn ot, if ye stay togher and get married and kids are ye going to have "breaks"