Age Difference

LegacyUser

ive been seeing a guy for the last month, im 17 (18 in two months) and still at school, hes 23 and working, we have been seeing each other in secret but things are getting a bit more serious.

is this age gap too big? can it work? we are really growing close and he says he doesnt care what people think but i think it will cause problems

Faith

The age gap isn't too big, but you might run into problems because you're both at completely different stages of your lives. You're going to be doing your leaving cert, while he's already done that and perhaps college too. You can't go out to bars or clubs together for another 2 months. It will no doubt be difficult reconciling such different lives. Fights will be likely when you're trying to study for your exams, and he wants to go out for the night. He might want to do expensive things that you can't afford because you're not working (or only part-time at most) and that will probably be embarrassing for you. When you start college, you'll probably want to do typical first year things like partying all night, clubbing, all that kind of thing and he may have outgrown that. Etc etc etc...

So no, the age gap isn't too much, but it's unlikely to be smooth sailing once summer is over. But if you really like each other, then you should try to make it work.

HouseHippo

I had a brief thing with a 30 year old when I was 18, we had a great time even though it didn't work out.
As long as you are prepared to deal with others reactions I don't see why it should be a problem, its your life and you aren't hurting anyone

Rosita

The age gap per se is not a problem. If you were 36 and 30 would the age gap be raised as an issue? Of course not.

It is the different stages you are at is the problem. The real issues are you doing less well in the Leaving Cert because of meeting him, or how he will cope with a night at the debs when he is 24 and presumably moved on from that stage significantly. And if you go to college, perhaps away from home things get more complicated.

LegacyUser

I went out with a 24 year old for a few months when I was 17. IMO it's a bit of a grey area, I was never really 100% comfortable about it at all. I realised that I didn't like telling people about our relationship, I felt embarrassed about what people would think of him (paedophile etc), I just did not feel good about the whole thing.

I finished it because of that. Listen to your feelings OP, if you're not happy about it now you really have to think about if you're ever going to be ok with it. I'm not saying that it's wrong, by all means give it a go if you think it's going to go somewhere. In my case I found that I was a lot happier with someone my own age. Best of luck anyway.

LegacyUser

I'm almost 27. She is almost 20. Together a year and mad about her.

It's just a number. Don't let it stop you.