Father won't listen

LegacyUser

Hi all.

My father is in his early 50's and he's killing himself with his weight and smoking.

In the last year especially he has put on a considerable amount. He's not eating to fill a void, just that he does no excercise whatsoever and the pounds keep coming. His coughing from the cigarettes keeps me awake at night now.

The real problem is that he wont do anything about it and its really taking its toll on us. We dont want to be burying him in 5 years time! It's caused row's between him and his parents and now i'm not even sure they speak.
I dont know when was the last time he visited a doctor, its been that long. He refuses to go to one. He keeps saying things like "ah i'll go next week..... i'll go when I want to go.." etc.

Now i've tried everything to try and talk it out with him, subtly and not so subtly. I keep recommending that we walk to the shops or find excuses to do things that require more physical excercise but he's never interested. I honestly think it will take a heart attack to get the enthusiasm to change.

Please guys, any advice?

Victor

Does he have grandchildren? Old men listen to grandchildren.

Or tell him that he won't get to see them grow up and they won't have a grandfather.

LegacyUser

no, there are no grandchildren yet.

LegacyUser

First off, he's not an old man if he's in his early fifties! Maybe he needs to be reminded of that too. Has something happened to make him like this or was he always the same? Could he be depressed? He needs to be shocked into doing something about it though. Have you a good relationship with your family doctor - could you get the doctor to call to the house on the pretence of seeing one of the other family members & then the doctor could talk to him?

Overheal

Unregistered wrote: »

First off, he's not an old man if he's in his early fifties!

He is if hes in that physical state...

Why not arrange for a housecall by a GP, etc.

Monkey61

To be honest I don't think there is much you can do if he really refuses to listen. He is an adult and as such can do what he wants.

My Dad was the same and the one thing we learned is that even the pleas of young children are not enough to make someone change their ways. Neither is constant nagging or bringing the problem up.

Who does the cooking and shopping in your house? If it's mainly your mum she should refuse to have any unhealthy food in the house and cook accordingly. As for the smoking, perhaps the only way to appeal to him would be through his wallet. You could all give up some kind of vice and put the money saved towards an amazing holiday or something like that? If you all get involved it might make it seem less like you are ganging up on him.

Also I am not sure about getting a doctor round to the house behind his back. He will either be shocked into listening or will be furious that his trust was betrayed. It is a bit sneaky and could go horribly wrong.

herya

I've had such cases in my and my bf's family and the only thing that worked was a serious health scare. My bf's father only stopped smoking when he felt something uncomfortable in his throat - it turned out to be throat cancer though and he had to have his vocal cords removed.

Is there any way you can scare him a little - observe what symptoms he has (raspy voice or night coughs, short breath etc) and have some guest tell a scary story about their family member who narrowly escaped death etc having the same symptoms?