Approaching Girls

LegacyUser

Hi all,
Silly question but I seem to have a major anxiety or phobia about approaching girls. I never knew what to do or say and even now I've read the game and things like that and I sort of maybe have an idea how I might approach a girl I liked in the right way, I still just can't do it.

I'm 6ft tall and not bad looking I think, not great but I sde lots of guys shorter and tubbier and stuff than me and thy have gorgeous women on their arms and I think surely I can meet a nice girl too. I always dress up going out by day and night to look my best.

I'm now nearly 25 and I feel like things are passing me by, I want to meet a nice girl but I can't. It never seems like the right opertunity to walk over or sometimes I think a girl holds eye contact with me but once they stop I'm convincing myself she was only looking because I look weird or theres something wrong with me because she's never be looking at me. I'm not sure which it is.

I went out with friends last night and I spent ages try to psych myself up just to approach one girl, go say hi or something, ask a silly question, anything, just to make myself to do, even if it goes horrible. Then out of nowhere this girl comes over and says something like "Who do you think you are with your <item of clothing I was wearing>, my boyfriends way better than you."

I have no idea who she was or why she felt the need to come over and say that and leave again. Do girls realise what bitches they can be? It took long enough last night to just try and convince myself I'm alright and I should practice talking to a girl when she just felt the need to come take me down a peg and put me back in my place. I wish someone could see me and just tell me whats so wrong with me.

djcervi

Maybe nightclubs are not the best outlet for you to meet women. I believe that there are some people who are great at talking to women, etc on a night out. I for one am not one of them people. I find it better to take up a new hobby or do something where I can meet people (particularly girls) in a relaxed atmosphere where people are more likely to talk. Have you ever thought of that?
Eye contact wise maybe it's something to be conscious of- maybe you're doing it in a way that looks sleazy, stalker like and unattractive. I've found at the best of times that the majority of ladies that I end up chatting to is when I don't make a great effort. Also going out with a group of friends makes everything easier.
Women can be horrible but so can men- it's nothing gender specific.
Please don't take my comments as awful criticism. I understand where you're coming from and it's very frustrating, esp when everybody is in relationships and you aren't.

LegacyUser

djcervi wrote: »

Maybe nightclubs are not the best outlet for you to meet women. I believe that there are some people who are great at talking to women, etc on a night out. I for one am not one of them people. I find it better to take up a new hobby or do something where I can meet people (particularly girls) in a relaxed atmosphere where people are more likely to talk. Have you ever thought of that?

+1 to all of that. Nightclubs are an awful place to meet women its far too random. With a hobby event of some sort your guaranteed to have something in common so you at least have one topic of conversation to get things going. Such events are more relaxed (from a dating perspective) as there isn't the pressure to pull associated with nightclubs.

Then out of nowhere this girl comes over and says something like "Who do you think you are with your <item of clothing I was wearing>, my boyfriends way better than you."

Well putting aside the fact that she sounds about 14 with a statement like that. My universal female bitchiness comeback, a very sincere "you look awful fat" and move on.

Firetrap

I know where you're coming from. I'm a woman and I find bars tough going as places to meet people. I'm never relaxed in them and I'm one of those people whose face can be read like a book. In fact, the only times I've ever met someone in a bar is when one of my more confident friends has gotten talking to them or their mates first. Do you have any friends who are better at talking to girls than you are? They can certainly help grease the wheels a bit.

djcervi's advice about trying other outlets to meet girls is a good one too. A lot of people get to meet their partners through these or through friends they make who have friends etc.

Don't take what that girl said personally. Some women can be complete cows.

Liam Byrne

Unregistered wrote: »

I have no idea who she was or why she felt the need to come over and say that and leave again. Do girls realise what bitches they can be? It took long enough last night to just try and convince myself I'm alright and I should practice talking to a girl when she just felt the need to come take me down a peg and put me back in my place. I wish someone could see me and just tell me whats so wrong with me.

Let's face facts here; with an attitude like that, and rudeness to match, she's never going to have a decent relationship.

Everyone's different, and we all have our pros and cons; I don't know you, but I know for a fact from your post that you're miles better than that.

Actually, count yourself lucky that she DID show her true colours to you earlier on.......it meant you could discount her as a bitch straight-off.

Oh, and lose the "put me back in my place"; she didn't, she scored a cheap, pathetic slur that reflected on HER, not YOU. Your place is where YOU want it to be, and while some cow who doesn't know you can't possibly have an opinion on you, if you knock yourself you'll really give yourself some trouble, because your own opinion of you DOES count.

G-Money

Ironically I suspect she was half interested and used your item of clothing as an excuse to approach you. Some girls can be notorious for s**t testing guys to see how they respond. It's kind of childish and annoying.

Either that or she was just being a complete b****h.

I remember one night I was out and I'd recently started to make a bit more of an effort to dress up. I was hanging out with the lads and there were these two women nearby. At one point one of them turned to me and said "A word to the wise, lose the tie". I was like "what?" and she repeated it. I think I asked her why and I can't remember what she said. In the end I think I just smiled back at her and said I liked it and carried on chatting to the lads. A short while later her and her equally old friend left. I guess the bingo was due to start

BumbleB

Like the other poster was saying .I presume she was interested and she was testing you .If you had of said something like "who cares what you think now f**k off " she might have liked that a lot, as it would have showed you have the balls to stand up to her.

I had a similar incident abroad in England .I'm not going into details here but basically i stood up to her and half and hour later she came back to apologise.

A lot of time the girls that are open to you are right beside you.

I don't advocate making personal comments like a girl being fat ,no matter what she says to you as it's not the behaviour of a gentleman and also a lot of these so called b**h are not as hard as they like to think and you could upset them an awful lot.

NickNolte

BumbleB wrote: »

Like the other poster was saying .I presume she was interested and she was testing you .If you had of said something like "who cares what you think now f**k off " she might have liked that a lot, as it would have showed you have the balls to stand up to her.

I had a similar incident abroad in England .I'm not going into details here but basically i stood up to her and half and hour later she came back to apologise.

I hope you made your excuses and got away from her? Women like that are generally mentally ill in some way.

BumbleB wrote: »

I don't advocate making personal comments like a girl being fat ,no matter what she says to you as it's not the behaviour of a gentleman and also a lot of these so called b**h are not as hard as they like to think and you could upset them an awful lot.

You've got to be kidding. If it's open season on men, it's open season on women too. If a woman acts like a bitch, treat her like one.

LegacyUser

Hi,

I agree with all said above.... that woman was a cow, but your giving it more weight than it deserves by thinking about it. Forget and move along.

Meeting women is so, so much about attitude, how you feel about yourself, looks, weight etc. This is not a problem for all the attractive slim Jim's out there, but if you have a weight problem, it undermines your confidence (personally I know), but you know what many women dont even notice.....its all in your head so to speak.... change the attitude. For example I find going for a walk before I go out, puts me in good form and doubles that chance that I'll chat to a bird.....

I've a friend who was really quiet & shy.... was only comfortable talking to girls married to his buddies because there was no possibility of anything happening. Anytime he was chatting to a bird, he came out with the most crazy comments and they thought he was a looper....I've really worked hard with him, sometimes introducing him to girls on a night out, and he's really getting there..... this fella needed a push, and you do to.... you can do it, just relax and ask some bird at the bar if she knows who plays that song..... bands are better than disgo's too by the way.

Drinks can help, but dont get plastered.... remember also, even the best looking hunk in the bar will have birds pass him out, or not even reply to a poite question, so dont take it personally!!!

Chin up, looking forward.....

LegacyUser

Um can I date you??? You sound like such a nice guy! Don't worry you will find a fantastic girl who will make you so happy and boost your confidence! I know plenty of great girls who would love to be chatted up by someone like you. They always complain what jerks guys are. Just don't wait until everyone is too drunk, try chatting up girls earlier in the night.

bibbly

I agree that some girls can be rude when they are approached.. but don't worry about it.


Remember that any opportunity can be used to meet girls, at bus stops, in a Q for Burger King. Anything..

all you have to do is talk,, its harmless, you are not asking them to marry you,, you are not even asking them out.. or even indicating you want to take them out.. just start talking and look out for the signals,, if she is even remotely interested in you she won't have a problem making small talk back, and that's how all relationships start.

Approaching girls is the easy part, learning to cut your losses and split when its not going your way can be a bit harder especially with a few drinks on board. Always stay polite and say "anyway, it was nice to meet you" and run for the hills if its not going your way.

To build up your confidence you might consider chatting to a girl you are not even remotely interested in, this way you are trying out your A material on someone you dont care about taking home..

nightmare scenario of course is that she shoots you down too..