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Girl I like Seeing My (ex?) friend..

  • 01-08-2009 2:38am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I really like this girl, actually love, who is a good friend of mine.
    the only problem is that another friend of mine (who i introduced) have started , textin , spending time together , Staying nights together. She told me that they'd become really close in the past while and that they spent last friday night together.
    i had already told my friend that i really liked this girl, which kind of annoys me aswell.

    i have never gone out with her,but we spend allot of time together , Told her before about how I felt about her which was a pretty tough thing to do , and she replied that she'd rather stay friends and not risk that...

    but now my friend went behind my back and knew how i felt, i no longer consider this person my friend and am pretty heartbroken over it all...

    Its jealousy , Sadness , regret for introducing them and Self Pitty all wrapped into one.
    The one thing i dont want to do is loose her as a friend , I just .. dont know who to talk about it , if people have similar experiences and any advise.. you do you grin and bare something like this..


Comments

  • #2
    CDfm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,649 ✭✭✭✭CDfm


    Thats a bit of sour grapes. You like the girl and did nothing about it and just cos you fancy someone doesnt make them your personal property.

    You do sound a bit shy anyway so maybe you should learn the lesson that if you do not act others will. She could equally have gone out with someone you didnt know while waiting for you to act and you would still be in the same predicament.

    So the lesson for the future is act more on your impulses and if you like someone dont leave it but do something about it probably before you get to the friendzone.

    I think you might need to go off and find yourself a girlfriend and hanging around with a girl who doesnt want you in hope is not good. So do yourself a favour and chop the friendship.


  • #3
    Colonel_McCoy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 751 ✭✭✭Colonel_McCoy


    I think you had plenty of time to act, you should have told her how you feel.


  • #4
    mags16
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 479 ✭✭mags16


    Unregistered wrote: »
    Told her before about how I felt about her which was a pretty tough thing to do , and she replied that she'd rather stay friends and not risk that...

    He did tell her how he felt and she wants to be just friends.

    I'm sorry, OP, it sounds to me that she is not interested in a relationship with you. Nobody is to blame here. If she has developed feelings for your friend, you should try to accept it. Perhaps you should distance yourself from them for a while until you get used to the idea.


  • #5
    CDfm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,649 ✭✭✭✭CDfm


    mags16 wrote: »
    I'm sorry, OP, it sounds to me that she is not interested in a relationship with you. Nobody is to blame here. If she has developed feelings for your friend, you should try to accept it. Perhaps you should distance yourself from them for a while until you get used to the idea.

    Exactly and why should she view you as boyfriend material when she gets the same love as a friend.

    Just dont go around accepting the relationship on friendship terms just ignore her texts and move on and accept that you are looking for a relationship and go for it.


  • #6
    VaioCruiser
    Closed Accounts Posts: 750 ✭✭✭VaioCruiser


    Unregistered wrote: »
    The one thing i dont want to do is loose her as a friend , I just .. dont know who to talk about it , if people have similar experiences and any advise.. you do you grin and bare something like this..

    It's a really painful and miserable situation. I feel for you. I really do.

    There doesn't seem a lot you can do here. She has made her feelings clear and he has done what he felt he had to do. I wouldn't be too pissed at him. He knows she only wants to be friends with you and he has to go for love as much as anyone.

    The most important thing here is to learn from what has happened and take that into the future. Now you need to get busy and get out to meet people and have a few drinks and try to allow time to ease the pain of it all.

    Next time you will be older and wiser.

    All the best.


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  • #7
    dlofnep
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,759 ✭✭✭✭dlofnep


    Move on buddy. If anything was going to happen, it would have happened already. We've all been through this - Nothing good ever comes of it. Move on with your life, lots of other girls out there.


  • #8
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Thanks Guys , Yes I Made my feelings very clear to her , she said she liked me aswell just prefered to keep me as a friend , when she told me about seeing my friend she stressed she didnt want it to impact on our relationship..

    Cant guys and Girls JUST be friends? I dont think its her fault , if the tables were turned I would do the same its just human nature , But it still hurts and I need to get over it .


  • #9
    Firetrap
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,442 ✭✭✭Firetrap


    Unregistered wrote: »
    i have never gone out with her,but we spend allot of time together , Told her before about how I felt about her which was a pretty tough thing to do , and she replied that she'd rather stay friends and not risk that...

    That says it all. You took your chance and it turned out that she didn't feel the same way about you. She was telling you in a tactful way that she didn't see you as boyfriend material.

    The worst thing about this is that you've already lost one friend to this, if not both of them. You can't make somebody fancy you. If this girl hadn't met your friend, she would have met somebody else and gone out with them. You were never going to be in the picture as a potential boyfriend.

    I don't know if you can salvage your friendship with your ex-friend (I hope you do) but you would want to tread very carefully. You need to accept that you will never be anything more than a friend and you'll have to get used to this.


  • #10
    Wagon
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,119 ✭✭✭Wagon


    Take a step back. Stop seeing her for a while, get her out of your system and then try for friendship. Nobody is to blame here. It's not her fault she doesn't see you that way and it's not your fault you developed feelings for her.


  • #11
    CDfm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,649 ✭✭✭✭CDfm


    Unregistered wrote: »
    Thanks Guys , Yes I Made my feelings very clear to her , she said she liked me aswell just prefered to keep me as a friend , when she told me about seeing my friend she stressed she didnt want it to impact on our relationship..

    Maybe you cant just be friends with her or if you are you might feel like a wally. Dont be so hard on yourself -if you are not able to be "just friends" don't be friends. Its as simple as that really.Thats not your fault -if you cant you cant and you shouldnt feel the need to explain it or justify yourself.


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