Romantic or Immature?

LegacyUser

I'm a grown man. A grown man who's been to college, had relationships and is moderately successful in my career, friendships and general social standing. However, I think I must have watched too many romantic comedies or something because I still "love" like I do when I was a teenager. If I like a girl I day-dream about her, I wonder what her favourite films are and imagine that they are the same as mine, I imagine how we'd grow old together, where I'd propose (somewhere significant in our relationships, with fireworks or some other grand gesture), where'd we go on our honeymoon, how our careers would work around each other, children, their names, how to childproof our home, our parenting styles.. etc etc.

It's not just the future I overthink. I imagine what the girl is doing right now, I'll make imaginary mix tapes of stuff I think she'd like cos I know she likes band X. I plan out the conversations we have, what I might say and what she'll say back, how I respond.

Am I crazy? To be so infatuated with the idea of love and companionship as a responsible adult? I don't think I'm crazy... I'm doing ok in other aspects of my life. And I don't want to become a cynic in love either, always expecting mind games and that. I like loving so strongly but I wonder if it's uncommon or unhealthy.

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

I'm a grown man. A grown man who's been to college, had relationships and is moderately successful in my career, friendships and general social standing. However, I think I must have watched too many romantic comedies or something because I still "love" like I do when I was a teenager. If I like a girl I day-dream about her, I wonder what her favourite films are and imagine that they are the same as mine, I imagine how we'd grow old together, where I'd propose (somewhere significant in our relationships, with fireworks or some other grand gesture), where'd we go on our honeymoon, how our careers would work around each other, children, their names, how to childproof our home, our parenting styles.. etc etc.

It's not just the future I overthink. I imagine what the girl is doing right now, I'll make imaginary mix tapes of stuff I think she'd like cos I know she likes band X. I plan out the conversations we have, what I might say and what she'll say back, how I respond.

Am I crazy? To be so infatuated with the idea of love and companionship as a responsible adult? I don't think I'm crazy... I'm doing ok in other aspects of my life. And I don't want to become a cynic in love either, always expecting mind games and that. I like loving so strongly but I wonder if it's uncommon or unhealthy.

Hi OP! I do not think that you are crazy, just because you are not alone ...everything what you wrote is like about me. I have the same feelings towards man who i like,,,thinking about him, dreaming about our life together,...what we can do in every aspect of our life together.
I think i am very loving women in my late 20's and i expect my man to have the same very honest and strong loving feelings for me for our kids and family, other way i want be happy at all, i had an experience already.
In another aspects of my life , eg.work,college,friends i am as well do not have any problems...
I do not think that i am immature and you too, i am organised person, can care for other people around me too.
So you are not alone with your feelings, i feel the same..and i will give my love to that man who is similar to me..who can love as strong as i am...do not worry

VaioCruiser

Hi OP.... you are a lot like me I think and I love it. We are only as old as we feel. It is important to stay young inside and to keep the passion and emotions that we had. I think it's great. So many of my friends have become stuffy and passionless.

While saying that of course we have to learn from our past and make sure we don't hurt ourselves and others by becoming too intense.

I understand exactly where you are coming from with this. Indulging yourself in flights of fancy about your girl of the moment is wonderful, but make sure she doesn't feel overwhelmed, especially at the early stages. Also beware of getting hugely emotionally engaged before you know she feels the same, otherwise there is a lot of pain .....

Try also to live a bit more in the present a bit as a balance. Sometimes we can 'escape' into the future and lose out on life as it is now. Lose out on the real pleasures of day to day living.



All the best !

LegacyUser

hi OP

you sound incredibly cute and romantic - dont let the cynicism of the rest change your wonderful take on life! i hope that you will find a great girl that appreciates your outlook!!

best of luck
x

LegacyUser

I feel a lot better I'm not alone. I agree it's a probably not the safest way to live and my heart does regularly get a crushing but the alternative seems so much more boring and unfulfilling.

A happy answer in PI! what a rare and beautiful thing...

LegacyUser

hey OP, I used to feel like that but I dont anymore. Somehow it got lost along the way.

Dont wish away that kind of passion and enthusiasm for life and love. Once it is gone it's very difficult to rekindle. Make the most of it while you can and share it with somebody special.

G86

Unregistered wrote: »

I'm a grown man. A grown man who's been to college, had relationships and is moderately successful in my career, friendships and general social standing. However, I think I must have watched too many romantic comedies or something because I still "love" like I do when I was a teenager. If I like a girl I day-dream about her, I wonder what her favourite films are and imagine that they are the same as mine, I imagine how we'd grow old together, where I'd propose (somewhere significant in our relationships, with fireworks or some other grand gesture), where'd we go on our honeymoon, how our careers would work around each other, children, their names, how to childproof our home, our parenting styles.. etc etc.

It's not just the future I overthink. I imagine what the girl is doing right now, I'll make imaginary mix tapes of stuff I think she'd like cos I know she likes band X. I plan out the conversations we have, what I might say and what she'll say back, how I respond.

Am I crazy? To be so infatuated with the idea of love and companionship as a responsible adult? I don't think I'm crazy... I'm doing ok in other aspects of my life. And I don't want to become a cynic in love either, always expecting mind games and that. I like loving so strongly but I wonder if it's uncommon or unhealthy.

I think it's an amazing mindset to have - don't lose it. I'm only 23 and can already feel myself becoming cynical in a way I never wanted to be. I think it's the way a lot of people are now. It's easy to forget what love is really about, you just reminded me

Greyfox

Almost all guys are the way you are now when they first start thinking about girls but over time they learn that thinking this way is very dangerous!

Most guys learn that daydreaming about a girl usually leads to liking her too much too soon and making yourself come across as far too eager which is the most unattractive thing ever!

Liam Byrne

Greyfox wrote: »

Most guys learn that daydreaming about a girl usually leads to liking her too much too soon and making yourself come across as far too eager which is the most unattractive thing ever!

And yet - ironically - this is what girls will say they want! Go figure!

The problem with the phrase "far too eager" is that it's - well - "far too subjective".....

Interested and eager doesn't sound like it should be a problem (in fact, it's a compliment, in either direction) but some girls don't seem to be able to handle it, and run away with themselves thinking "oh, gawd! He's, like, sooooo into me I can't handle it" (when in actual fact he'd just like to meet again to see how it goes - I mean, who the hell can tell after one - or even a few - meetings?).

Thankfully, though, some people do make it through this impasse and manage to forge a balanced relationship, so there's hope for the rest of us.

The only issues I'd have with the OP's train of thought are:
1) If this is a generic thing, and not based on one girl in particular that he's with
2) If - in his head - these potential special places for proposing, etc, are again generic and based on fictional events that might MAKE places special because those events have never happened.

THOSE would be red flags, to me; no-one wants to be filling a gap, or generic; people need to be liked and loved for who they are, and a "special place to propose", or "the right thing to say" could be the most mundane and ordinary, with no fireworks required - and therefore more romantic and intimate because of that.

If you bumped into someone at the local coffee shop, and that person became the someone special in your life, then that coffee shop becomes special - moonlight, music, weather, etc are all irrelevant.

THAT's romance.