Wakes

SilentAssassin

I was at a wake up home in the north-west earlier in the week and it came up in conversation back at work in a Dublin office. To my shock, just about no one had been to a wake before and some were a bit weirded out by the idea of it. Now, there were a few foreigners, but most were from Dublin, Cork, Galway, etc. Where I'm from, it's like second nature, everyone is waked and I've been going to them since I was a kid. Just wondering what your thoughts are on wakes? And are they common where you're from?

IvyTheTerrible

I'm from the northwest and I've never been to a wake...it's not that common in my village...

wudangclan

i'm from dundalk and it's the norm there as far as i know.
i can't believe there's irish people who don't know what a wake is.

LouOB

From Dublin - been to a wake
Kinda sad to say at 28 really

ScumLord

I'm from the Northwest and I was at a wake recently too. There creepy and often to far away from the pub.

There fairly common around here.

Kiera

My Dad went to the funeral home and it was lovely. My Mam is now saying she would like to be laid out at home. I'm totally weirded out by it. I dont fancy the idea of a load of biddys/older family members saying constant prayers around her dead body for hours.

laoisforliam

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JVznnoptsmM

IvyTheTerrible

I'm getting confused, is a wake where the person is laid out at home and people are there all the time with the body, or is it if you only have the house open for a couple of hours the night before the funeral (and provide a bit of food and drink)?

My brother was laid out at home but we only had people in the night before the funeral, and it wasn't a massive drinking session or anything....

Super-Rush

I remember when my grand parents died and they were both laid out at home for two days before burial. I had never seen so many drunken people in my life. There was always a person who sits with the body during the night aswell. My best mates mother is one and she also sat with my grandads body. I've been to hunderds of wakes and the majority were in the persons house and always involved tea, booze, sandwiches and apple tarts usually in vast amounts. When my uncle died a while back my mother rang me to tell me the news and while stil in shock she tells me to get down to the shop and start making some sandwiches.

3hn2givr7mx1sc

I've been to two wakes but didn't stay for long as they weren't relatives or very close friends, an integral part of a death in Ireland imo.

SilentAssassin

Kiera wrote: »

My Dad went to the funeral home and it was lovely. My Mam is now saying she would like to be laid out at home. I'm totally weirded out by it. I dont fancy the idea of a load of biddys/older family members saying constant prayers around her dead body for hours.

Sorry for your loss. In general, the wakes I've been to normally last 48 hours. There's a few prayers said by the priest when the body arrives. But there's not really much praying apart from that. Although, the rosary is usually said aloud once a nite at 9 or 10pm. People will say a quiet prayer in their head when they arrive but what normally happens is you have friends and relatives of the deceased reminiscing with old stories about them. I know with uncles and stuff it was good craic to hear from their friends what my uncle was like when he was my age (twenties). The kind of stuff he wouldn't have told you himself

IvyTheTerrible wrote: »

I'm getting confused, is a wake where the person is laid out at home and people are there all the time with the body, or is it if you only have the house open for a couple of hours the night before the funeral (and provide a bit of food and drink)?

My brother was laid out at home but we only had people in the night before the funeral, and it wasn't a massive drinking session or anything....

It's a bit of both. Generally, somebody is there all the time. But there's often food and drink in the house. People will have a cup of tea (or a real drink) and swap old stories about the good times, etc. with the deceased
There's no real law of wakes though, it's up to the family themselves

super-rush wrote: »

I remember when my grand parents died and they were both laid out at home for two days before burial. I had never seen so many drunken people in my life. There was always a person who sits with the body during the night aswell. My best mates mother is one and she also sat with my grandads body. I've been to hunderds of wakes and the majority were in the persons house and always involved tea, booze, sandwiches and apple tarts usually in vast amounts. When my uncle died a while back my mother rang me to tell me the news and while stil in shock she tells me to get down to the shop and start making some sandwiches.

Sounds like a few wakes I've been to alright! But, sometimes the families will just say no booze. So it's tea and cakes galore!


Believe it or not, some people think wakes are better craic then weddings! Not me personally, but I think if someone has led a full life til their eighties or whatever it's nice to celebrate their life. On the flip side, I've lost cousins and friends in their teens and those wakes are devastating!

Fugly

I've family from North-West and Dublin, and I've been to wakes my whole life on both sides. I'm 21 and I've been to around 35 wakes, most were elderly family, so it was a great opportunity to celebrate and I've some very happy memories, but if the person was younger usually no wake and if there was one it was a more sombre affair.

Dj Stiggie

IvyTheTerrible wrote: »

I'm getting confused, is a wake where the person is laid out at home and people are there all the time with the body, or is it if you only have the house open for a couple of hours the night before the funeral (and provide a bit of food and drink)?

My brother was laid out at home but we only had people in the night before the funeral, and it wasn't a massive drinking session or anything....

I'm pretty sure both are called a wake, its just up to the family to decide which way they go about doing it

I'm from Kildare and they're still common, I've heard of people not going to the church the night before, but I thought a wake was always the done thing

Super-Rush

Feck me i completely forgot. My mates mother in law died about three years ago and he asked me would i play music in the pub that everyone was invited back to. I started playing at 4 in the afternoon and was stopped by the guards at 1 the next morning. The place was jammed to the roof.

The Big Red Button

I don't know if it's called a wake, but last time someone I know died he was laid out in an open coffin in his house for 2-3 days before the funeral and his friends and acquaintances called over in the daytime and evenings ... various immediate family members then stayed there overnight so there was someone with the body at all times. Everyone was drinking but not getting inappropriately drunk. He was old though, maybe it's more an old-people's tradition than for young people?

SilentAssassin

chatterpillar wrote: »

I don't know if it's called a wake, but last time someone I know died he was laid out in an open coffin in his house for 2-3 days before the funeral and his friends and acquaintances called over in the daytime and evenings ... various immediate family members then stayed there overnight so there was someone with the body at all times. Everyone was drinking but not getting inappropriately drunk. He was old though, maybe it's more an old-people's tradition than for young people?

Yeah that was a wake you were at

miss_shadow

I've been to one and i will never go to one again. Its just too weird and sad!it changed my perception of death i think

ScumLord

Like SilentAssassin said it's a bit of both, the family are there the whole time but they have set time where everyone comes round to pay their respects.

Canis Lupus

I'm from Kerry so a wake is normal for me either in the home or a funeral home. The closer you get to a city the less people know one another so it's not normal for a family group to "pay your respects" and less people attend a funeral so a wake becomes a pointless thing.

I tell you what's weird is over here in London (UK in general) you're usually dead a week or more before they bury/cremate you as you've got to get a report done. My GFs nan died a while back and I was like when is the funeral and my GF was explaining she didn't know and if I remember it was around a fortnight... Crazy bidness.

Poor Uncle Tom

From the south east and most of the wakes in recent years are "house private". I think they mean family and close friends only. If I knew the person I would go anyway.

MizzLolly

I'm only 20 and I've been to 6 wakes. (all my family members) I don't think their 'uncommon' in Ireland at all.

Rented Mule

If I said that I have been to 200 wakes, I wouldn't be lying. I easily go to 8 -10 wakes per year back in the States.

Alessandra

We had a wake in our house for my granny and it's pretty common down here for everyone, young and old to be laid out at home. I know friends from college who find it weird. It's nice I think and more relaxed than the formality of a funeral home. People come and pay their respects, share memories and show their support for the family.

Krieg

Galway here, Ive been to 3 wakes, but only 1 was actually in Galway. The other 2 were in surrounding region. In all 3 cases the wake was for a young person 18-22. I actually haven't seen/heard of a wake for an elderly person. Outside of the 3 wakes, ive been to about 20+ funerals, majority of which included funeral home viewings.

Personally, I don't like them, I don't feel the need to see the body to pay my respects or say goodbye. When I write out my will I am going to include that my funeral be closed casket, no wake, no funeral home viewing.

Nevyn

Nothing like a good wake.

SilentAssassin

Canis Lupus wrote: »

I'm from Kerry so a wake is normal for me either in the home or a funeral home. The closer you get to a city the less people know one another so it's not normal for a family group to "pay your respects" and less people attend a funeral so a wake becomes a pointless thing.

I tell you what's weird is over here in London (UK in general) you're usually dead a week or more before they bury/cremate you as you've got to get a report done. My GFs nan died a while back and I was like when is the funeral and my GF was explaining she didn't know and if I remember it was around a fortnight... Crazy bidness.

Most of my mother's side of the family have lived in west London for the last 20/30 years. Four or five families spread over a couple of streets. Any time there's a death over there they have the full Irish wake just like back home. The neighbours used to think it was really weird but now they come to the wake and pay their respects. I know all about the long wait. I normally have to wait until the day before the funeral (which is usually a week after the death) before I can go over cos I'd never get that amount of time off work!

PK2008

Rented Mule wrote: »

If I said that I have been to 200 wakes, I wouldn't be lying. I easily go to 8 -10 wakes per year back in the States.

Your name isnt Jessica Fletcher by any chance is it?

Lilyblue

Very normal to have a wake, although I have only been to two, one of which was my fathers

My name is URL

Wakes freak me out altogether.. I've been to loads though

It's fcuked up when the person wasn't really close to you, you have to be all contemplative like, and occasionally touch the corpse

It's sometimes hard to hide the fact that I'm only there for the sandwiches

Quality

I am from Dublin and would be used to the wake. Also the last walk down the town, I think it is a sign of respect.

When my nan died they carried her coffin in shifts from the house to the church, It was over a mile and a half, it was the ultimate sign of respect.


Also heard of a recent funeral where they had karaoke and a band, because that what the man would have wanted. Seemingly it was a great event!!

minidazzler

I was at one of my best friends dads wake, Odd really, there is so much jubilance on such a sombre occasion.

Listening to the Obituaries on the wireless is a favourite past time among old timers to see who's house they will eat and drink at.

There's people who travel to all the wakes for the free tea and cake! Drink too!

anniehoo

Ive been to 2 ..and never again! Its just too weird for me. The person doesnt look like themselves tbh and as far as im concerned that person has gone! Their "soul"...or personality isnt there anymore and thats what you loved so to look at their dead body is actually worse than the funeral itself.

Rented Mule

Thaedydal wrote: »

Nothing like a good wake.

Sometimes it's a pleasure to say goodbye to certain people.

shamblertine

I love wakes when the person who's died isn't too close to me. Just another excuse for a session. Have some tea and cake then move on to the booze. What better way for a send off than to have all your friends and family together in a relaxed setting, telling stories about your life and having the craic. Hate funerals though, just too formal for my liking.

Nevyn

Rented Mule wrote: »

Sometimes it's a pleasure to say goodbye to certain people.

To get to touch them and make sure they are cold and pinch'em just to be sure?

Mossy Monk

My grandmother had a wake. It was a very weird feeling to be getting hammered and herself lying 3 feet away

Tar.Aldarion

I've been to too many .

Including one a few days ago.

Nevyn

Tar.Aldarion wrote: »

I've been to too many .

Including one a few days ago.

*hugs*

Rented Mule

Thaedydal wrote: »

To get to touch them and make sure they are cold and pinch'em just to be sure?

There's a reason you see the old ladies with the knitting needles at some of these wakes.

Nevyn

Rented Mule wrote: »

There's a reason you see the old ladies with the knitting needles at some of these wakes.

There's a lot to be said for 4 inches of good steel with a point on the end,
one of my most treasured possessions is my great granny's hat pin.

Holsten

Very common, I've been to quite a few.

evanSpiddal

Their very common around Connemara, been to a few myself young and old (one for my friend in primary school and my Dad, both too young)

Kiera

evanSpiddal wrote: »

Their very common around Connemara, been to a few myself young and old (one for my friend in primary school and my Dad, both too young)

Was that not weird that your Dad was dead for over 24 hours in the house? Did you sit with him the whole time?

stovelid

My brother-in-law killed himself a few years back, and was waked. Also carried his coffin through the town and the men in the (extended) family helped fill in the grave which, I was told, is traditional in that part of the county.

I'd never been to one before but when somebody dies in that way, it's good to have them back in the house (especially for his mum) and say goodbye properly.

Tar.Aldarion

stovelid wrote: »

My brother-in-law killed himself a few years back, and was waked. Also carried his coffin through the town and the men in the (extended) family helped fill in the grave which, I was told, is traditional in that part of the county.

I'd never been to one before but when somebody dies in that way, it's good to have them back in the house (especially for his mum) and say goodbye properly.

Yeah have had to deal with 2 suicides in the last month, tough going with an open casket, but it's good for the family to be around and say goodbye, especially with such a death.

gerk86

My neighbours 18yr old son commited suicide and they had a wake at the house. Fecking horrible going seeing him laid out. Of course it's completely different when the person whose wake it is actually lived a full life.

evanSpiddal

Kiera wrote: »

Was that not weird that your Dad was dead for over 24 hours in the house? Did you sit with him the whole time?

Well it was actually in my grandparents house, my gran stayed up at night, and prefered to be alone, but otherwise was in the room most of the time. I was in shock the whole time, but it was kinda weird alright.

Kiera

evanSpiddal wrote: »

Well it was actually in my grandparents house, my gran stayed up at night, and prefered to be alone, but otherwise was in the room most of the time. I was in shock the whole time, but it was kinda weird alright.

Yeah I know what you mean about the shock but i couldnt walk away and leave them for the night yet i will never want to sit in the room with my Mam. Even tho she said she wants to be waked i told her we're gonna burn her for the craic. Yes we like to take the piss out of each other

flanum

Fairly common in Cavan (depending really if there is enough parking space at the house , otherwise-funeral home.) Also it is usually common to have neighbours dig the grave in certain parishes.. one parish has actually banned mini-diggers from the cemetry! Its actually a nice touch, i helped my uncle when i was a kid to dig a grave along with about ten other men, i remember the flasks of tea and bottles of whiskey being produced about 2ft down into the dig!