When a girl makes a move

LegacyUser

I was out with people after work last friday. Everyone from work went home about 8 except myself and this girl. we kept chatting and had a really good time, she said a few things to me during the night that i didnt cop onto then, because she has a boyfriend of a long time. but now in the cold light of day i'm pretty sure there is an attraction there. but as she has a bf, and it would be really messy i don't want to go there. but now i can't stop thinking of this girl. My question is, when a girl sort of makes a move, and leaves it open for you to make a move but you don't, cause you are an idiot, does she tend to withdraw from you after that, and like all future chances are blown?

Terodil

There are no chances for you at the moment, she is in a relationship.

To me the whole thing sounds incredibly rushed, I mean you talked one evening... and she felt the need to tell you she wanted a relationship? but ok, whatever floats your boat. In any case: her signals are not sufficient. The only signal that can be the start of a new relationship is her breaking up with her current bf.

You did the right thing. You didn't give in when the moment could have made it so right, because you knew it would have been wrong. Fair play to you.

If she doesn't respect you for it then you'll be better off without her.

As to what you can do now: You can tell her you like her, too, but that for anything more to come out of it she needs to make a decision regarding her current relationship.

_blank_

Unregistered wrote: »

leaves it open for you to make a move but you don't, cause you are an idiot,

Um.

If you had have reciprocated you'd be a bigger idiot.

She has a boyfriend.

Are you considering making a play for this girl, who has already shown you that she is not to be trusted while in a relationship?

Why would you do that?

Now. I'm not some squeaky clean fella here. I've been in your position in the past, and I've gone down that road with a girl who had a boyfriend. A boyfriend she lived with.

What happened?

She told me she loved me, she told me her relationship was over with the other fella, but she still lived in the same house (they did have separate bedrooms though). For two and a half years I continued this, telling myself everything was cool, she's only still there because the solicitor told her she'd lose money if she left.

It was all bollox.

One night I found out she'd been seeing yet another fella behind my back, and behind the back of the dude she was living with.

Save yourself the bullshít mate. Seriously.

If this girl finds you attractive, then I'm sure some other girl will. A girl without a boyfriend.

It's not worth it.

Not worth it at all.

Unregistered

Unregistered wrote: »

My question is, when a girl sort of makes a move, and leaves it open for you to make a move but you don't, cause you are an idiot, does she tend to withdraw from you after that, and like all future chances are blown?

The only "idiot" thing to do here would have been to make a move on a girl who has a bf. Leave it alone

VaioCruiser

Unregistered wrote: »

I was out with people after work last friday. Everyone from work went home about 8 except myself and this girl. we kept chatting and had a really good time, she said a few things to me during the night that i didnt cop onto then, because she has a boyfriend of a long time. but now in the cold light of day i'm pretty sure there is an attraction there. but as she has a bf, and it would be really messy i don't want to go there. but now i can't stop thinking of this girl. My question is, when a girl sort of makes a move, and leaves it open for you to make a move but you don't, cause you are an idiot, does she tend to withdraw from you after that, and like all future chances are blown?

The short answer is she may, but in my opinion not for long.

Avoiding the moralist line for real world advice ... I would say that if you are interested in this girl you should make a move to let her know you are interested, while letting her know that it's only if she drops her BF.

You are responsible for your behaviour, she is for hers. There is nothing wrong whatsoever with making a move as long as she knows the terms.

Next time you are in a similar situation try to be more open to the signals you get. Girls are usually clear with their body language and signals and try to be less cautious if you can.

Good luck.

Dublin141

She has a boyfriend. Leave it alone. If she wanted you she wouldn't be with him. Either you misread the situation, she's looking for a fling or it was drunk talk. Not great outcomes really - she should know that she is seen as off-limits to most of the world. If you work with this girl then definitely leave it alone, don't even think about it. Too complicated for an uncertain possibility.