Colleague getting me down

LegacyUser

Wd appreciate any advice on this.

I have a colleague, mid 40s, in a junior position in the office with whom I work with every day. I'm in my early 30s, female. I've worked very hard to get where I am - I basically worked my way up the ladder in the organisation from the age of 19. She joined in the last year. As a woman in her 40s she's obviously got a lot of work experience but not in our area as such. I can't really fault her work ethic, she's very good and very efficient. The thing is she seems to really dislike me and I can't figure out why. Normally I'd shrug it off but it's been eating at me for a while.

I have gone out of my way to include her in things, to make her feel like she's contributing and that she's not just a junior. Yet today I overhear her sniping to another colleague that I'd been "wasting time yesterday when important work needed to be done". Yesterday the boss of the entire department came in for something and we all, she included, got caught up in a bit of banter and a laugh over something. It was no big deal and considering it's a stressful job we're all usually glad of a bit of a chance of a laugh.

Some days she actually talks down to me and makes me out to be an airhead (i.e. always forgetting things) though she's more often than not proved to be wrong herself.

I've tried the nice girl route but I'm tempted to come down on her like a ton of bricks now. I don't know if that's the right thing but I feel like she's had it too soft from me for ages and doesn't respect me at all.

???

mood

I've no experience of this but maybe come down on her gradually and make sure it's for good reason.

kkposse

if she wants a war give her a war but be very careful keep a diary of any time she tries to undermine you, of course she will try and back it up with facts she will be watching u like a hawk, so u will have to do the same thing, copy her, spot her mistakes and highlight the fact and keep a note of it otherwise she will bury u, imagine what she says about u the times u cant hear, sounds like u have done ur best with her, now its damage limitation time, people will eventually recognise her for what she is a bully.;)

mood

Be sure to treat all others you are manger / supervisor of the same. Sorry I am assuming you are her manger / supervisor. Are you?

Don't let this take over you work life.

LegacyUser

Just a thought - did she come from a higher position in another company and maybe she feels that this position is a bit beneath her? I'm sure there's a lot of this around now with the recession and people settling for jobs that they would not have taken in the past. Anyway that doesnt excuse her behaviour!

I'm not 100% clear if you are her boss or not? If you're her boss, then be firm with her & let her know who's boss but in a nice way at the start. If she doesnt get the message after a few weeks, then take her to one side & remind her that she reports to you & she needs to start treating you as her boss & then lose the nice approach. If you are not her boss but just in a higher position in the company, then report her to her own supervisor if she is not treating you with the respect your experience & position merits.

kkposse

yes good idea have a quiet word with ur manager/supervisor and mention/put them in the picture as to what is going on, they will more than likely keep a closer eye on things

matrim

Unreg1 wrote: »

I have a colleague, mid 40s, in a junior position in the office with whom I work with every day. I'm in my early 30s, female. I've worked very hard to get where I am - I basically worked my way up the ladder in the organisation from the age of 19. She joined in the last year. As a woman in her 40s she's obviously got a lot of work experience but not in our area as such. I can't really fault her work ethic, she's very good and very efficient. The thing is she seems to really dislike me and I can't figure out why. Normally I'd shrug it off but it's been eating at me for a while.

I have gone out of my way to include her in things, to make her feel like she's contributing and that she's not just a junior.

Just going by this is it possible she feels you are being a bit condescending to her. You might not be doing it on purpose but it could be how she see's it. If she was working in a higher position and now feels someone is talking down to her because she is a junior, it could cause resentment.

Even still as others have said make a note of her comments and possibly have a quiet word with your boss if it continues

random.stranger

Hi OP,
If you are her manager, I suggest you are very careful about how you deal with this situiation. As kkposse has suggested- inform your manager of the situiation. She is probably doing a lot of small things that you can't pin down, it's probably best to let these slide, as if you make a big deal about some "little" thing, it might backfire and you could be cast in a bad light (like kkposse suggested, worth keeping a diary of this). The next time she does something more substantial, take her aside immediately & tell her that this behaviour is not acceptable & you will be recording a verbal warning on her file. Any further misbehaviour should be dealt with according to the companies employee handbook.

Not dealing with employee misconduct as stated in your employee handbook can leave your company vulnerable to legal action in the future.

I'm open to correction on this.

If you are her manager, I suggest this thread is moved to Entrepreneurial & Business Management.

LegacyUser

I recently found myself in a similiar situation where I (29)as team lead along with others was training a lady (42) into a new position. She'd been out of the workforce for a number of years but had completed a course. It was a complete nightmare. Our office always had a great atmosphere until she arrived. After weeks of training she still wasn't getting it so our department manager called her aside. She claimed she hadn't been shown things but when the manager checked her notes she'd written down how to do it so she had been shown. When another girl told her quietly that she'd made a mistake and explained how it needed to be recitified she went a bit crazy and ran out of the office crying.
She later accused this poor girl of bullying her and refused to work with her any longer. She had a serious issue with anyone younger than her and after much drama they terminated her contract. She admitted in her exit interview that she didn't like been managed by "young ones".

LegacyUser

Thanks everybody for your posts - I can take something from all of them even the condescending suggestion which had crossed my mind. I would never do that on purpose, my motivation is always to be friendly and helpful but maybe my efforts could have been misinterpreted, so I will certainly bear that in mind.

I am not her manager, there is an overall department manager over us. The person does report to me in a sense that we work on a project together and I have responsiblity for it getting done. As suggested I'm going to let the little things slide but keep a note, just for my own sake so if things escalate I can have a word with the manager. I will, however, cut the "being too nice thing" (a big fault of mine, I can actually come across as a soft eejit I think) and be professional (not a bitch, just professional). I'll see how that goes.

LegacyUser

Well ok, I am a little head strong sometimes.....my thing is its nothing to do with age....its to do with the person themselves.

Unfortunately sometimes in a work situation, I tend to take advantage of people. I know I am doing it. Sometimes it feels like they are stupid, silly, unprofessional and I will take them for everything they are worth.

I worked with a girl I thought was inferior to me, she was beyond nice...I saw this as a weakness....we were supposed to know the same stuff job-wise and she hadnt a clue...I more or less let her know I thought she was stupid. I talked down to her....I treated her pretty sh*tty for a while. She let me walk all over her....eventually she had the cop on the realise this. She is now not so wishy-washy (with everyone) and has, in my eyes, grown up alot and is better to work with and is now an equal.

So I agree with the professional attitude towards her. You come in, you say good morning, when you go you say good evening....anything that happens in between i.e. a laugh with your colleagues, leave her out of it...you dont invite, you dont entice, you dont start a laugh with her.....she doesnt care you are there since you are 19...it seems she thinks you are beneath her so stand up for yourself woman. Sounds like something public sector to be honest.

dudara

Unregistered wrote: »

be professional (not a bitch, just professional).

This is the way forward for you. You do not have to get on with or be friendly with the people you work with. You just have to be able to maintain a professional relationship.

If you can be friends as well as colleagues, then so much the better, but don't get too upset over politics/attitudes etc unless they're actually causing yout grief.

ladygirl

to be firm but fair is the only way to approach this,,

Lucyx

The cheek of this lady to behave towards you in this manner.
She obviously has a major chip on her shoulder and is totally disrespectful towards you. This is 100% her issue OP.

You've been kind long enough and being strictly professional is the only way now as others have mentioned. I think some people are only respectful when you're a little bit hard on them.

Take no more sh1t from her but be careful too.
Good luck with it.