Should I end it?

LegacyUser

Hey, I have been going out with my gf for a few months now. Soon after we started going out, she left the country to go work for the summer, which we both knew about before we started dating. Anyway, it's not long till she is back home, but she told me a part of her wished we hadn't started dating until she came back.

She was just out of a long term relationship when we started going out, and now she feels she wants some time to enjoy herself free from any pressure of commitments. So she asked me about us not been exclusive and that we can see how things are when she comes back

I asked her if there was somebody else and that im not her fallback guy, she said there wasn't. I asked her to tell me if she wanted to end it permanently, and not to hope that I would just move on, as i would much prefer she just told me the truth. She assured me she didn't want to end it permanently, that she really liked me and missed me and couldn't wait to hang out when she got back.

I really don't know what to think. I don't want to lose her as I really like her, but I fear she will leave me heartbroken when she returns. I don't know how im gonna handle the next couple of weeks knowing she may be with somebody else on a night out. I feel she is asking alot from me, that it's unfair for her to do this since she asked me out, and made clear from the beginning that it wasn't just fun for her. But I don't want to end it and if I don't give her this time for herself, she will probably end up resenting me further down the line. I don't think I will fully let go until she returns home and tells me it's over.

I don't know what im asking here, I suppose just advice on what you think, what would you do in this situation.

Phlann

So hang on, correct me if I've got this wrong: A couple of weeks before she comes home she decides she doesn't want you guys to be exclusive anymore? But she wants to pick things up again once she's back...

That really sounds to me like she's got her eye on somebody over there... and you've just given her permission to go for it without having to feel guilty about it.

If that's actually what's going on she's a fecking tinker.

Terodil

To me this whole 'non-exclusive relationship' talk is a load of cr4p, tbh.

If she loves/likes you and wants you then she'll not want to go out with anybody else. If she wants to go out with somebody else...

Please have more self-respect than to say yes to such an 'arrangement'!

Edit: 'enjoy herself free from any pressure of commitments' = snog/shag other people. For any other activities you wouldn't need to discuss being 'non-exclusive'.

ManOfMystery

'Non-exclusive' is basically asking for permission to cheat, and thus avoiding the ramifications. You can dress it up how you want, but that's what it boils down to.

Have some more self-respect for yourself OP and tell her its all or nothing.

Permission to cheat is right. She wants to go off riding and come back to you and continue the relationship? If you're cool with that then...that's ok I guess. Personally I'd tell her to FO

LegacyUser

Hi, I did end it with her, I think you were all right.

But a week later, and Im really struggling I'm all over the place as I never felt like this for anybody before. I just want to tell her how I feel!!

I feel that she is holding back the truth from him as to why she wanted to go non-exclusive, and i want to know the real reason, as I think hearing it from her will help me move on.

I tried to cut contact with her, but that failed as I can't stop thinking about her

I dunno whats wrong with me, and I know im a wimp, but I think I gotta ask her Would this seem to pushy, needy? What do you think?

Terodil

Has she ever tried to contact you again after you split up? If not, then you should know what not to do.

But even if she has, you need to realise that she was treating you badly. That she was asking your absolution to sleep with other men. Do you really want to be together with such a person?

I know your feelings are in turmoil at the moment. The stronger you are now, the faster it will pass. Good luck. You will surely find somebody who loves YOU and is happy to be together with YOU.

Mr Benevolent

When you told her you wanted to break up how did she take it? If she took it anything less than badly she's not worth worrying about. She just wanted to cheat, and if she didn't do it while she was away she'd have done it when she got back.

J Peterman

I wouldn't ask her anything. Just play it cool and tell her to enjoy her time abroad and maybe a small line about how you're looking forward to hearing all about her trip when she gets home.

In the meantime, don't get too worked up over it yourself. I mean, she's not definitely going out riding- it could be that she just didn't want a boyfriend-back-home to report to every other day. Could be anything, really. Cool your jets for the summer and you'll come off as the confident, easygoing type.

J Peterman

J Peterman wrote: »

I wouldn't ask her anything. Just play it cool and tell her to enjoy her time abroad and maybe a small line about how you're looking forward to hearing all about her trip when she gets home.

In the meantime, don't get too worked up over it yourself. I mean, she's not definitely going out riding- it could be that she just didn't want a boyfriend-back-home to report to every other day. Could be anything, really. Cool your jets for the summer and you'll come off as the confident, easygoing type.

She's definitely going out riding. Just don't talk to her dude, in a few weeks you'll be wondering what all the fuss was about.