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Feelings for someone else

  • 28-07-2009 1:49pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    going unreg for this one...

    Been with my bf for five years, we were twenty when we started going out together. Never have and never would cheat on each other. I really love this man with all my heart and thought (and in some ways still think) that I want to spend the rest of my life with him..

    Here's the problem, about two weeks ago I was visiting friends for the weekend and there was a mutual friend at the house that I had never met before.. he wouldnt be the type of guy that I would normally be attracted to but for some reason we really hit it off... I felt like i could talk to him about anything. Obviously nothing hapened, and I have no idea if he felt anything. I didnt swap numbers or anything even with him as I didnt want to put myself in an awkward situation or hurt my bf in anyway. The trouble is, I cant stop thinking about this other guy. He is on my mind all the time. Im so confused. What should I do?


Comments

  • #2
    Silverfish
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 16,698 Mod ✭✭✭✭Silverfish


    The best way to figure out what to do is imagine he met some nice girl he hit it off with and couldn't stop thinking about. What would you want him to do?


  • #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I really dont know what Id like my bf to do... I suppose to be honest with me and choose who he thought was going to make him happier in the long term.. no point in us being together if the two people are not completely committed to the relationship. Im just dont think that I could walk away from my bf...


  • #4
    VaioCruiser
    Closed Accounts Posts: 750 ✭✭✭VaioCruiser


    Unregistered wrote: »
    going unreg for this one...

    Been with my bf for five years, we were twenty when we started going out together. Never have and never would cheat on each other. I really love this man with all my heart and thought (and in some ways still think) that I want to spend the rest of my life with him..

    Here's the problem, about two weeks ago I was visiting friends for the weekend and there was a mutual friend at the house that I had never met before.. he wouldnt be the type of guy that I would normally be attracted to but for some reason we really hit it off... I felt like i could talk to him about anything. Obviously nothing hapened, and I have no idea if he felt anything. I didnt swap numbers or anything even with him as I didnt want to put myself in an awkward situation or hurt my bf in anyway. The trouble is, I cant stop thinking about this other guy. He is on my mind all the time. Im so confused. What should I do?

    Well ... first of all there is no crisis here. Relax and stay calm.

    There is no rule in life that says when we love someone, we cannot care about other people . . is there ?

    We can be in love with someone and we can develop serious attractions to other special people from time to time. That is perfectly normal. Some people never feel like this, they are incredibly one tracked, while others do develop affection for others.

    Of course some people have very strict and intolerant moral views on the rights and wrongs of having feelings for other people Personally I think it's hogwash. We can care strongly for people other than our partners while still knowing where our ultimate feeling lie.

    My advice is, as I said above, chill out and allow yourself to enjoy the thoughts you are having. Stop obsessing over it and feeling guilty !. And if you meet him again enjoy his company. As time passes you will know what your feelings are and how they compare with your partner. I do not believe it is an issue of loyalty or cheating or anything of the sort. That's for another day far in the future.

    All the best.


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