Friends just for the sake of it.

Pop's Diner

I got into a fight today on skype with a good friend (good friend as long-term friend rather than good I consider them a good person) I've been since was I was around 13 (who's living in Australia now so I rarely see him anyway). One thing lead to another that he was always bringing me down I didn't want to hear from him anymore. Basically the guy is a (imho) is not very nice person but somehow I've been putting up with him for years almost for the sake of it, almost because it was easier to put up with it than tell him to f-off. So anyway I wrote him a long a detailed email of every time he ****ed me over or ****ed someone else over and pointed out that I don't need people like that in my life. I basically gave him a look at himself in the mirror told him to take a running jump and go fúck himself and when I say something I generally don't go back on it.

On the heel of it I thought I'd double my money so I next contacted an ex-girlfriend of mine telling her that I was breaking off all contact with her. Presently (whilst there was no sign of re-establhing the relationship - i didn't want one tbh) I had this sort of on off distant friendship with her and it was really messing with my head and going nowhere. It could be months between meetings and meetups would always be awkward. I basically felt it was as though she was keeping in touch with me just so she could feel she was on good terms with everyone in her address book. Meanwhile I was getting headwrecked by staying in touch with someone whose company I didn't enjoy and worse whom I couldn't really relate to. So anyway I called time with her too.

Verdict so far I'm feeling better for it already. I know the 'mature' thing to do is suffer these people even though they bring no benefit to you life, but the first person really rubbed me up the wrong way today and the second person well ... well that just had to be said (I said it in a nice way). I'm going to go home now and get blotto and probably feel terrible tomorrow.

So Anyway. ..... I was wondering, do you guys have friends, ex's etc that you keep up with for no reasons other 'for the sake of it' especially when they're ones who generally annoy you and whom you generally could do without ever hearing from ever again? Have you ever gone kamakazi on someone like I did above and how did it turn out for you? Do you have someone right now that you're thinking about cutting ties with?

I know I'm only about 4 hours in , but it feels pretty good so far.

Mayoegian

You may feel good now, but once your 'friend' replies and apologises to you, and is remorseful, you'll feel really bad.

tangerinepuppet

Interesting post! You'll have to keep us updated.

Yeah, got the tshirt. Went kamikaze on one about two years ago and just stopped bothering with another one.

I think it is the mature thing to do when you've put up with enough of their shíte.

jumpguy

Yerr have done before. Mainly childhood friends who grow up to be dicks.

Whosbetter?

So,OP,you just went 'Pop', didn't you? :pac:

The Big Red Button

Yeah, earlier this year I fell out with someone that I'd been friends with for a few years but we'd really grown apart.

I had felt obliged to stay friends with the last couple of years because she's f-ed up in the head and has very few other friends. However in the end she brought nothing but negativity to my life, we had nothing in common as regards values and morals.

When we had the fight, I could have made it up with her if I was arsed - but I wasn't. If anything I felt really relieved and glad to be free of any ties with her.

Of course, she wasn't happy with just that and she tried to make some of our mutual friends take sides - I wasn't bothered with doing that, but they were less than impressed with her attitude and have distanced themselves from her.

All this happened maybe six months ago, and I'm really, really glad we're not in touch any more. I have no regrets, my life is without a doubt better without her in it.

In general I'm not someone who has fights with people, and I generally don't make enemies, but there's always exceptions!

Biggins

Pop's Diner wrote: »

I got into a fight today on skype with a good friend (good friend as long-term friend rather than good I consider them a good person) I've been since was I was around 13 (who's living in Australia now so I rarely see him anyway). One thing lead to another that he was always bringing me down I didn't want to hear from him anymore. Basically the guy is a (imho) is not very nice person but somehow I've been putting up with him for years almost for the sake of it, almost because it was easier to put up with it than tell him to f-off. So anyway I wrote him a long a detailed email of every time he ****ed me over or ****ed someone else over and pointed out that I don't need people like that in my life. I basically gave him a look at himself in the mirror told him to take a running jump and go fúck himself and when I say something I generally don't go back on it.

On the heel of it I thought I'd double my money so I next contacted an ex-girlfriend of mine telling her that I was breaking off all contact with her. Presently (whilst there was no sign of re-establhing the relationship - i didn't want one tbh) I had this sort of on off distant friendship with her and it was really messing with my head and going nowhere. It could be months between meetings and meetups would always be awkward. I basically felt it was as though she was keeping in touch with me just so she could feel she was on good terms with everyone in her address book. Meanwhile I was getting headwrecked by staying in touch with someone whose company I didn't enjoy and worse whom I couldn't really relate to. So anyway I called time with her too.

Verdict so far I'm feeling better for it already. I know the 'mature' thing to do is suffer these people even though they bring no benefit to you life, but the first person really rubbed me up the wrong way today and the second person well ... well that just had to be said (I said it in a nice way). I'm going to go home now and get blotto and probably feel terrible tomorrow.

So Anyway. ..... I was wondering, do you guys have friends, ex's etc that you keep up with for no reasons other 'for the sake of it' especially when they're ones who generally annoy you and whom you generally could do without ever hearing from ever again? Have you ever gone kamakazi on someone like I did above and how did it turn out for you? Do you have someone right now that you're thinking about cutting ties with?

I know I'm only about 4 hours in , but it feels pretty good so far.

The short version:

I dumped two people for separate reasons. Have ye all done similar and did you feel better for it?

---

Possibly in my own way.
Its better to cut the ties than string each other alone.
That way also ye both can get on with other things and other parts of your lives.

brummytom

Had a few times with two mates (probably both my best/closest) where we've said "We just fight now, should we call it a day?" but with both of them, them and I decided their positives outweigh their negatives.. while this one lad does my fuucking head in sometimes with his strops, he's an amazing friend...


So no, really.
Any "old friends" I just don't talk to anymore, but I'd hardly tell them to fcuk off

happyfriday

Two of them, one bout 7 months ago she had a great knack of making everyone feel like sh*t and feel sorry for her at the same time, but just pushed me to far and I couldn't take it anymore, honestly I don't think I could ever look at her again never mind talk to her.

The other one about 4 months ago, it was sad but had to be done, don't think we had anything in common anymore and my choices seem to just upset her so there was no point in being friends with someone who just thinks that they are better than me and I can never do anything right, or bring up anything that they didn't want to hear without being shot down before I got a word out!!

Anyway outcome!! I have never been happier or more peaceful, no need to have toxic people in your life!!

Armin_Tamzarian

This is like reading a PI thread in reverse.

who what when

How do people tell someone that they are supposedly friends with that they never want to see them again? And totally out of the blue? Its a pretty ****ty thing to do in my opinion. Particularly when the option to drift away and gradually loose touch is always there

Biggins

Armin_Tamzarian wrote: »

This is like reading a PI thread in reverse.

LOL
Welcome to... the Twilight zone! :pac:
Roll haunting music and scary black and white graphics...

Mr Benevolent

Two of them, one bout 7 months ago she had a great knack of making everyone feel like sh*t and feel sorry for her at the same time, but just pushed me to far and I couldn't take it anymore, honestly I don't think I could ever look at her again never mind talk to her.

The other one about 4 months ago, it was sad but had to be done, don't think we had anything in common anymore and my choices seem to just upset her so there was no point in being friends with someone who just thinks that they are better than me and I can never do anything right, or bring up anything that they didn't want to hear without being shot down before I got a word out!!

'So I said she said I said they said...'

Welcome to... the Twilight zone!

Get with the times. It's The Scary Door now.

Carsinian Thau

I put up with a few people because it's just not worth the hassle of trying to cut them out of my life. It wouldn't work anyway, I still would have lectures or something with them and we'll probably end up in the same group for a project or something else anyway so it's easier to just give the illusion of happiness.

dlofnep

Yeah - We've all had these people in our lives. I'll tell you about mine.

Grew up with a guy, who's parents split. After that, he went a bit mad.. Started dabbling in drugs, petty-crime, hanging out with the wrong crowd, but he'd always call up to us.

He stole one of the lad's bike, and cans one halloween and we didn't see him for a year later. At this point, he was taking coke and pills every day, was paranoid as feck and just very unpleasant to be around.

In and out of prison, but we'd always try to help him. Started taking heroin, we cut contact. He said he got off it and we tried to help him again.

The last summer when my brother (who was only 17) was on holidays with his friends, he was over there with some scumbag - and my so called friend stole all of their money, and left them without a penny to eat or to even phone home to tell my parents about it.

I haven't seen him since, but when I do - he's going to hospital.

TPD

Biggins wrote: »

LOL
Welcome to... the Twilight zone! :pac:
Roll haunting music and scary black and white graphics...

Was going to post a youtube of 'The Twilight Zone' by Rush. All terrible quality though. Pity that.

Pop's Diner

The Perfect Drug wrote: »

Was going to post a youtube of 'The Twilight Zone' by Rush. All terrible quality though. Pity that.

You could always post "The Twilight Zone" by 2Unlimited .... but then I guess you'd inevitably still have the terrible quality problem again of course.

Lollipops23

there is one mate of mine who i keep in contact with for no good reason...

guess it's cos we went through a lot together in the last few years and she also introduced me to my OH:o she's a bit of a headwreck though...

happyfriday

Confab wrote: »

'So I said she said I said they said...'

And like when she said that I was just like you total like bit*h you can like just bite me I'm so never speaking to you like ever again. Like.

It wasn't me!

In the majority of cases, there's no need. Take your space and don't make a big issue of it. Often, it's simply destroying ties that will never be mended, rather than allowing yourself space. I've done it, and I regret it in pretty much all cases. You've no idea whether discarding that person now will benefit you a year or two down the line. It might not benefit you two weeks down the line. People are in a constant state of flux and they'll change too. However, they won't come looking to be friends again if you've shafted them away, and at the end of the day, everyone could use more friends, so take them where you can get them and don't abuse them.

InkSlinger67

Seinfeld FTW

book smarts

dlofnep wrote: »

I haven't seen him since, but when I do - he's going to hospital.

And you're going to jail. To be assraped daily by Mr Big.

genericguy

dlofnep wrote: »

and left them without a penny to eat or to even phone home to tell my parents about it.

best off to avoid ingesting pennies imo.

Leftyflip

Yes I do,
I have no idea how I put up with him before, now I can't stand him,
he's perverted, loud and annoying, he tried to make a move on five of my best girl friends(friends that are girls, not girlfriends...).
Anyone want to trade?

allabouteve

Pop's Diner wrote: »

Verdict so far I'm feeling better for it already. I know the 'mature' thing to do is suffer these people even though they bring no benefit to you life, but the first person really rubbed me up the wrong way today and the second person well ... well that just had to be said (I said it in a nice way). I'm going to go home now and get blotto and probably feel terrible tomorrow.

I would completely disagree with that.

The mature thing to do is recognise when a person is 'toxic' to you, brings nothing positive into your life, and let them go.

The immature or cowardly thing to do is to maintain 'friendships' that drain you of energy, self-esteem, or positivity, out of habit.

You're never under obligation to be in contact with someone who makes you feel bad about yourself or your life.

tangerinepuppet

It wasn't me! wrote: »

However, they won't come looking to be friends again if you've shafted them away, and at the end of the day, everyone could use more friends, so take them where you can get them and don't abuse them.

One of the people I 'shafted away' came looking to be friends again -because she realised how selfish and wrong she had been. The advice above seems to all be directed towards the OP (or anybody else in a similar situation), but I think the second bit ('don't abuse them') applies better to the kind of person the OP 'shafted away' than to the OP himself.

Just my €0.02.

Ulysses Gaze

The mature thing to do is recognise when a person is 'toxic' to you, brings nothing positive into your life, and let them go.

Yep...would agree with this. Has happended twice in my life with two people I knew who I grew apart from and they changed so dramatically from a personality perspective (in a very negative way) I didn't want to know anymore.

The thing to do for your own sanity is cut all ties.

Handsome Bob

Unfortunately no because it's just too complicated. I may find one person totally insufferable and an absolute egotistical wanker, but then another good friend could think the world of the same guy. So if I tell someone to **** off and to never come near me again, I'm basically jeopardising my friendship with a mutual (but very good) friend.

somethingwitty

Yes OP definatly better off! Life is too short to waste your time on arseholes. I did the same recently with 2 people who were very good friends of mine. They became a couple and all of a sudden didn't have time for anyone else. Even after the honeymoon phase. They were just prats full stop. You probably will feel bad and regretful at some stage but just remember that they're not worth it. YOu probably think it was easier to just be their friend but its the opposite. And don't even bother having a big heart to heart with either, just **** em and ignore any reply!

Abi

Pop's Diner wrote: »

So anyway I wrote him a long a detailed email of every time he ****ed me over or ****ed someone else over

Sounds like Teds acceptance speech for the Golden Cleric award.


I generally keep to myself, and wouldn't make friendships on a whim. I just don't see the point in keeping in touch with someone you don't really have a lot in common with / get on with. I have put some distance between myself and two friends in the past, because I'm actually a private person. Their friendships felt kind of invasive, for a want of better words. By that I mean they'd want to know every single thing I'm doing at any given time - and its just crazy. I don't believe in living in my friends pockets, and would rather meet infrequently so I've actually something to update them on.

Snowie

Abigayle wrote: »

I generally keep to myself, and wouldn't make friendships on a whim. I just don't see the point in keeping in touch with someone you don't really have a lot in common with / get on with.

I agree, friends are people who realize that you have your own life to live and if you wanna disappear for a month thats ok, they don't expect you to be in contact every day. I've about 5 close friends who know lots and friends and then acquaintances .

Yes I've deleted a few people from my life, because I felt that it was right and still feel its right. what are friends for, doing sport/fun/drinking/conversations. I like my own company to.

Did you ever notice that people with loads of friends have the most drama in there life ?

Latchy

Snow-Monkey wrote: »

Did you ever notice that people with loads of friends have the most drama in there life ?

Yes.

You have to learn to value your own time and your own company to appriciate and enjoy the companys of others .

Snowie

Latchy wrote: »

You have to learn to value your own time and your own company to appriciate and enjoy the companys of others .

Well that goe's with out saying but il be fvcked if I'm going to appriciate some ones company, if they don't appriciate mine. That doesn't show much self worth.
Thats how I look at things.

IvyTheTerrible

Yep, 2 people. Not with big huge rows though, just by reducing contact gradually down to nothing.

Both of these people were negative and toxic, so eventually i though enough is enough.

brummytom

Abigayle wrote: »

I generally keep to myself, and wouldn't make friendships on a whim.

+1. I was talking to someone the other night and she was amazed when I told her I have a really problem classing people as my "mates".
There's probably two people I would really class as close mates, but I'm very hesitant to refer to an Tom, Dick or Harry as my 'mate'. I don't know why - maybe some sort of paranoia/fear of lack of acceptance?

And In regard to the OP, I've never purposely 'cut out' anyone from my life... but EVERYONE I went to Primary School with I don't talk to anymore.. if I saw them on the street, I'd say Hi, but I've just drifted.

NewFrockTuesday

Ive stopped contact with not many people - the one that stands out most is a guy who is a fun guy to be around, but so incredibly tight you came away from seeing him every time screwed over for something. Its the most unattractive quality and the one I simply cannot tolerate.

I dont run around after people. If I find myself orbiting someone elses sun all the time, I suggest something that might suit mine more and if they arent up for making the effort, I wouldn't bother with them till they did. Im over being nice. Way overrated.

spoofilyj

Ya I had a friend that I had a really big arguement last June 2008 and he had being acting the dick for months, getting messy drunk and abusive, lecturing me and other friends and became quite insulting at times. It all came to a head and he tried to put me down but was way to drunk and every one at the party was way too sober for such carry on. I just said. That it, Its over! and havent spoken to him in 13 months, feel way better not having a negative influence in my life and now only keep in touch with friend who \I value and they value me. So yes OP to your question. I think its a good call!;)

DamoDLK

Personally I hate to burn bridges, but sometimes bridges get replaced, by bigger bridges, like that one over the Boyne that can carry more weight, but if the bridge is historic, it needs to be preserved. ya cant 'f' with history man.

Keep the mate, even if it is only the odd facebook message or whatever. I agree with previous post, about life being too short to put up with shyte, but sometimes leaving it out to dry for a while might make it seem easier to bear later on.

All d best with whatever ya do, keep us all informed.

El Siglo

If someone's going through shít and they're acting like arseholes then preserve the friendship, if this attitude continues constantly and they're not dealing with their shít and making you feel like shít then lose them, simple as that, it's tough but it has to be done. With regards ex's that act as 'hangers on', lose them quickly and readily and don't burn your bridges, blow them up! A bird/fella like that isn't worth it, and I've seen far too many people (mostly fellas) going through bouts of depression over them after been messed around with for ages. All in all, if a friend is being a dick because they are a dick, get rid of them, whatever way you do it depends on how receptive they are to "F*ck off". Sin é!;)

Latchy

Snow-Monkey wrote: »

Well that goe's with out saying but il be fvcked if I'm going to appriciate some ones company, if they don't appriciate mine. That doesn't show much self worth.

That's what I ment ,we aren't ment to be on tap for anybody ( unless it's somebody special) .

At least with Boards I like to think I get some balance right and I'm sure it's same for many .

Abies post on this subject says it for me to .