Heart broken

LegacyUser

My girlfriend broke up with me and it has completely heart broken me. we were dating for two years and i thought everything was going good. but last night she just called around and told me she wanted to be alone and that it was over. i am now trying to accept its over but need to speak with her jsut to get closure. any advise on trying how to getting over something like this

turgon

In my experience wanting to speak to an recent ex is just your mind telling you you want to get back with her. If its over for good then it will serve no purpose meeting up or talking with her, it will only drag on the pain.

I was broken up with once after a really long relationship and I only started to "heal" after I decided to cut all contact. Up to that point Id been at her on Bebo and by texting etc but all it did was make me worse.

So if this really is the End, then accept it as the End and work on your life without her. Its tough now but things can really only get better. I personally promise that.

dumbblonde122

If she says she wnats to be alone than there is no point looking to talk to her as it will only aggravate matters between the two of you.

Best bet is to deal with it nad move on by keeping yourself busy with friends, work etc. Breakups are always tough and sometimes you may feel like you'll never move on but you will and one day you'll turn around and have realised you did not think about the girl all day, all week, all month etc.

Best of Luck!

LegacyUser

I know it'll be hard to do but here's my advice...

DO NOT CONTACT HER WHATSOEVER.
In doing so it just gives off the impression that you are desperate to have her back. And you probably do want her back, which is understandable, but texting her, trying to stay in contact, etc will probably be the worst thing you can do to ever get her back.

Right now you should try your very hardest go live your life to the fullest. Start going back out more with your single friends. Try your best to chat up a girl or two in the pub maybe. Do stuff after work during the week...anything which involves being with friends/new people.

As a result of you doing this stuff and not contacting her she'll probably be texting you after a week or two out of curiosity. Just sound as happy as you can, tell her you're doing good and basically show no signs of anger or bitterness towards her. This will do one of two things:

The first is (and you shouldn't expect this to happen at all but it might) she'll realise what she has lost and for you to have her back.
The second and more important one is, you'll save face and come out of all this with your dignity intact.

At the end of the day, you don't need closure or whatever it is you've said you want. You know yourself that you're just saying this as an excuse to contact her. You got your closure when she said she doesn't want to go out with you anymore.

Wibbs

+1 to unreggie post. Sod "closure". Don't look for closure. Not from her anyway. She choose to leave so let her.

You want to know the reason why? IMHO in 90% of cases it's because the initial buzz has worn off and she's bored or looking to see if the grass is greener, or the incompatibilities are coming to the fore now the mad buzz has receded. Two years in is a charm for that. Almost exactly follows the script.

I can promise you I would have saved myself some serious headwrecking crap from exes in my youth(and after) if I had followed my own advice. Oh I knew it at the time too, but my head was not in the right place to follow the advice. As I said, dumb.

It also increases whatever chance is there for her to come back. Personally I would say in most cases, why would you want someone back who chose to leave you? Oh people do get back with exes and sometimes successfully but IMHO when that happens they get distance from one another. Otherwise it's doomed to failure.

LegacyUser

Yes, it's tough. We've all been through it. Whatever it is you're feeling keep telling yourself it's ok to feel what you're feeling right now and that it will pass, things will get better. Anyway, why be with someone who doesn't want to be with you? What's so attractive about that? Use your new free time to do something you've always wanted to do. It's not the end. It's a chance for a new beginning.

VaioCruiser

Unregistered wrote: »

My girlfriend broke up with me and it has completely heart broken me. we were dating for two years and i thought everything was going good. but last night she just called around and told me she wanted to be alone and that it was over. i am now trying to accept its over but need to speak with her jsut to get closure. any advise on trying how to getting over something like this

Hi OP. Forget this closure business. It's american and it's rubbish.

Nothing happens in isolation OP. There is a history her that we do not know about and you cannot possibly explain in minute detail, but what matters at this stage is where you are now. "You are where you are" and that is all that matters, however painful it is - and I know the pain, along with others here.

What can we do ? well, we don't have a choice. We have to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and start all over again.... just like the song says.

Is it easy ? hell no. But each passing day will be a little easier, and each day after that a little easier again. You need to get busy, and replace the time you spent with her with social activities - get back with your old mates and get out on the town. Join a club - do some evening classes... take your mind off all of it.

All the best !