Should I leave BF sow his wild oats?

lostinlimerick

Hi recently i ve been thinking quiet alot about me and my boyfriends relationship we have been going over a year. The problem is in many arguments we say horrible things but the one that seems to hurt me most is him saying he should be out gettin a few notches on his belt or sowing his wild oats . When we met he was a virgin and i was well sexually experienced . I have asked many times if he really felt this way and he would say no he would never want anyone and doesn't think there is a point of sleeping with someone you don't love. But my mind is always worrying that should i let him free instead of regreting in a few years his lack of sexual partners ?

Silverfish

Well, it's up to him to decide if he actually wants to or not, not you.
Its unfair of him to throw this at you during an argument, and then leave you wondering - it seems like it is something that's at the back of his mind.

How old are you both?

lostinlimerick

I am 18 he is 19. I know this is up to him but it leaves me wondering sometimes why are we together if he maybe in the back of his mind feels that way. I feel guilty if this is what he feels should i maybe sit down and have a talk about this with him and if he does agree he wants to sow his wild oats should i stop all contact to save myself emotional hurt?

rallye

You need to talk to him about this.

The two of ye are very young, i finished with my ex when she was 19 for this very reason. I was 26 and we had been dating for a year and things were getting serious. My biggest fear was that we would be dating for years and one day when she was 25 or 26 she would regret not meeting more fellas when she was younger and end up resenting me.

Saying this though every couple is different, the fact that you are his first is obviously playing in the back of his mind and his desire to experience other women is there.

Sit him down and try and find out how he really feels.

dudara

TBH, he sounds quite immature (no surprise given his age) and isn't probably really ready for a serious relationship. But then he goes and says that he doesn't want to do that - so which side do you give the most credence too?

I am of the personal opinion that open relationships don't work for most people - therefore I wouldn't advocate that.

herya

lostinlimerick wrote: »

him saying he should be out gettin a few notches on his belt or sowing his wild oats

he would say no he would never want anyone and doesn't think there is a point of sleeping with someone you don't love.

He sounds like a proper head wrecker, I would advise to ask him very politely to make up his mind ffs :> And take it from there when he does.

cathead

You do need to establish how he feels rather than just speculating about it. The only way to do that is to speak to him.

You are very young, and maybe the conversation might lead to a break if he feels he needs to be out there. Of course this isn't the best of situations

But

The thing is, it might not just be a case of him 'sowing his wild oats' but him going out there and gaining more relationship experience. And you the same, as you are young also.

I know several couple who have split up for more or less this reason, and have come back together several years later. I'm not saying that this would definitely happen, but you never know.

Definitely though your first step needs to be talking to him. Best of luck

Das Kitty

I think ye need to set down some ground rules for arguing.

If ye're both saying things during an argument to intentionally hurt the other person it's not good at all. I'm sure you say things that hurt him also, he just knows that this is the one thing that will hurt you and that's why he uses it. I doubt he actually means it at all.

A couple of basic rules for having an argument where you both feel better afterward would be.

- Stick to the topic
- No name calling or hurtful comments
- No raised voices or violent/intimidating behaviour.

Arguments should always be to solve a disagreement, otherwise you're both just harming the relationship every time as opposed to strengthening it.

VaioCruiser

lostinlimerick wrote: »

Hi recently i ve been thinking quiet alot about me and my boyfriends relationship we have been going over a year. The problem is in many arguments we say horrible things but the one that seems to hurt me most is him saying he should be out gettin a few notches on his belt or sowing his wild oats . When we met he was a virgin and i was well sexually experienced . I have asked many times if he really felt this way and he would say no he would never want anyone and doesn't think there is a point of sleeping with someone you don't love. But my mind is always worrying that should i let him free instead of regreting in a few years his lack of sexual partners ?

Welcome to the world of relationships OP. No amount of silly rules will ever stop people saying the worst things they can think of when they get into a bitter fight.

On the topic - you are really very very young OP. I would seriously suggest to you that this issue of experience is one that is completely irrelevant right now, at your ages. You might break up any time and move on. You might not. Try to enjoy how things are and the fun you have together. Read some other threads on this topic elsewhere ... it's way too young to settle into a permanent relationship at 18,19. Life is out there to be lived.

All the best.

towel401

yea sure, if thats what he wants he will probably come back to you anyway. tis only fair

the_syco

lostinlimerick wrote: »

When we met he was a virgin and i was well sexually experienced

I'm a guy, and I'd see this as a plus:cool: but I know of a few lads who think their moh was a virgin before they met them:rolleyes::pac:

As for those who say it's too young, one of my mates has been with his woman since they were 19. They recently got engaged (after dating 6 or 7 years), so I think that's a load of horse-radish, tbh.

If he wants to f**k off and sow his wild oats, let him know that you may not be around when he finishes.

Wheeloflight

My God lostinlimerick - you could be me 2 years ago!!
I also went out with and fell in love with a virgin. I had alot more experience than him and this was a problem. At the end, it was justification for calling me a sl8t etc.. bad news. Your past is not his business at all, remember that. Everyone gets a clean slate when they meet someone new.

My ex and I were engaged, lived together and things became unbearable. I love him very much still, but what he needed was to go off and do his own thing. He would make subtle jibes about how he sacrificed lots of youthful things for me etc. It was awful.

Now, I believe he is "riding rings around himself" (we split in December gone). I really think had he had more experience when we first met, we would have been on a more level playing field and things would have worked out alot better.

Make sure to think about it hard, if you give it your best shot now and it doesn't work out, will you be worse off then or now? My ex also told me he didn't want anyone else and I think he meant it at the time. But if tings go wrong, it will come back and bite you. Hard.

Best of luck love x