Lollers

Rufus.T.Firefly

A man is sitting in the pub when he hears a bowl of peanuts on the bar saying

"Oooh, you really are amazing.

Oooh, you are lovely."

Then the fruit machine shouted

"Rubbish, look at the state of that haircut.

And those socks don't go with those shoes."

The barman apologised.

"I'm sorry," he said,

"The nuts are complimentary but the fruit machine is out of order."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man with a winking problem is applying for a position as a sales representative for a large firm.

The interviewer looks over his papers and says,

"This is phenomenal.

You've graduated from the best schools; your recommendations are wonderful, and your experience is unparalleled.

Normally, we'd hire you without a second thought.

However, a sales representative has a highly visible position, and we're afraid that your constant winking will scare off potential customers.

I'm sorry....we can't hire you."

"But wait," he said.

"If I take two aspirin, I'll stop winking!"

"Really? Great! Show me!"

So the applicant reaches into his jacket pocket and begins pulling out all sorts of condoms: red condoms, blue condoms, ribbed condoms, flavored condoms; finally, at the bottom, he finds a packet of aspirin.

He tears it open, swallows the pills, and stops winking.

"Well," said the interviewer,

"that's all well and good, but this is a respectable company, and we will NOT have our employees womanizing all over the country!"

"Womanizing?

What do you mean?

I'm a happily married man!"

"Well then, how do you explain all these condoms?"

"Oh," he sighed.

"Have you ever walked into a pharmacy, winking, and asked for aspirin?"