Fuming his Mam lied to me !

LegacyUser

Ok had a row with my boyfriend last weekend and in the heat of te moment say something a bit hurtful any way we didnt spaek for a couple of days when i did speak to him him i say how sorry i was from the bottom of my heart which he accepts now it truns out that when i was ringing his house (he lives with parents) and his Mam was answering and saying he was out she was lying (he told me he asked her too) i was crying on the phone too her as i wanted to say sorry to him and she lied to me rather than say he doesnt want to speak to you which i would have accepted and not rang again he 35 as a woman why did she lie to me i know shes his Mam and they are close but really i hurt and annoyed she treated me like this advise please !

Thanks

sam34

she's his mother.
her loyalties lie with him, not you.

Piglet85

To be honest, I think you're being unreasonable here. She's his mam, her first loyalty is going to be to her son in that situation, not to you. And that's exactly as it should be. I doubt that she decided herself to lie to you; it was more than likely his idea, and I don't think it's the terrible betrayal that you're making it out to be. You seem to acknowledge that you were out of line with regards to the row, so it's understandable that he didn't want to talk to you, and equally understandable that his mam put his feelings over yours in that situation.

And perhaps you really wouldn't have minded if she told you the truth, but can you honestly say that with certainty? Your boyfriend obviously felt that it was easier to get his mam to lie for him in that situation. So if you must be angry with someone, be angry with him, not his mam. I'm sure you'd do the same if you had kids.

Sinall

Would you expect your own mother to lie for you in that same situation? There's your answer. She's his mother, not yours. Her loyalties lie with him, not you.

She was only doing as he asked. Perhaps you are transferring your annoyance with him onto her?

Also, if she thought you had hurt her son she was most likely being protective of him. Motherly instinct, or so I'm told! She's always going to put him first.

Slow Motion

sunflower27 wrote: »

Blood is thicker than water....

And it boils quicker!

OP his mam is just caught in the crossfire and your anger is misplaced. If anywhere it should be directed at your OH for being immature, dishonest and forcing her to lie to you.

AnonoBoy

What sort of mother wouldn't tell a (pretty harmless) lie to give her son some space when she thought he needed it (and indeed he had asked for it)?

carlybabe1

Unregistered wrote: »

Ok had a row with my boyfriend last weekend and in the heat of te moment say something a bit hurtful any way we didnt spaek for a couple of days when i did speak to him him i say how sorry i was from the bottom of my heart which he accepts now it truns out that when i was ringing his house (he lives with parents) and his Mam was answering and saying he was out she was lying (he told me he asked her too) i was crying on the phone too her as i wanted to say sorry to him and she lied to me rather than say he doesnt want to speak to you which i would have accepted and not rang again he 35 as a woman why did she lie to me i know shes his Mam and they are close but really i hurt and annoyed she treated me like this advise please !

Thanks

Highlighted part says it all really, 35, still living with Mammy, and still expects her to field his phonecalls cause hes not grown up enough to tell you he doesnt want to talk to you......BIG IRISH MAMMIES BOY op, is this what you want to settle for???

marzic

I would tend to agree with most of the above. His mam has probably just relayed the message as asked by her son. I believe its unreasonable and irrational of you to be fuming at his mother for passing on the lie, especially if the pair of you have settled your row and are talking again! she was in the crossfire as said above, and you may be better placed to forget about his mothers part in all this and concentrate on the reason(s) you two were falling out in the first place.

metamorphosis

She's hardly going to pick you over her son.

Pointless thread imho.

shellyboo

Everyone in this scenario needs to grow up. The son for getting Mammy to lie for him; the Mammy for pandering to him; and the OP for making a big deal out of absolutely nothing.

Amberjack

Did he not have a mobile you could have rung - to avoid the mammy?

Amberjack

Amberjack wrote: »

Did he not have a mobile you could have rung - to avoid the mammy?

The most logical explanation is that the 35 year old nest dweller was screening the ops calls.
In which case it was entirely unreasonable, disrespectful and undignified to call the family phone in tears.

LegacyUser

Oh God have you NO pride??? Why drag his MOther into this and why make a show of yourself crying to her over the phone. Dont be surprised if her atttude to you changes. She may want someone emotionally stable for he son.

Why is he 35 and living at home?

LegacyUser

Here first i have plenty of pride it was the fisrt anniversary of our son passing second he lives at home as we are saving for a deposit.

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

Here first i have plenty of pride it was the fisrt anniversary of our son passing second he lives at home as we are saving for a deposit.

I am sorry for your loss....

He was the one who put his Mam in a very difficult position. He should not have asked her to lie. Maybe she went along with it, probably against her best judgement, so as not to upset him anymore. Dont take it out on her for trying to do the best.

Does he not have a mobile phone?

CDfm

OP - lighten up a bit. You had an argument and for some reason didnt speak. Most normal people including his Mum will be aware that its an emotional time for you both. Its totally understandable.

Now there are loads of other reasons why she might have said he went out. She might have believed it,he could have gone to the corner shop, he may have been in his room or the bathroom or getting something from his car etc.

As it happens he asked her to at his suggestion. She did not instigate it but she also may not have been aware of his presence when you called.I do think that as you had a fairly nasty row that it was probably better for you both to calm down.

I wouldnt attach any significance to it at all really and just accept that you are more sensitive and emotional then you would normally be for a reason.