Am I confused or am I being confused?

LegacyUser

Better to be anon on this one as its a little embarassing.
I broke up from my girlfriend of 7 years a year ago so that she could get her head together. We worked and work very closely together and I am the boss and owner. After Xmas she went on a sun holiday and when I went to surprise her at the airport with flowers on her return I was devestated to find her arriving with a junior male coworker (half her age). She cried and said it was only a bit of fun but a mistake. I was angry and fired the guy. I could not take his sneering. He has left for his Eastern European home and stayed there.
I loved her and still do so I forgave her lies and gave her a claddagh ring as a symbol of giving my heart to her. I asked her for us to try again and she said she couldnt. I took this as a no, accepted it and decided to try and go on with my life. She was under a lot of stress so she took another couple of weeks off work. I told her that it was up to her what she wanted to do and I would not argue eitheir way.
After 3 weeks of being seriously shortstaffed she came back wearing the ring. I really had expected it to lie in a drawer for the rest of her days. She wears is 80% of the time on her left middle finger. I know that I should try and ignore this but I cant.
She is not seeing anyone but she does not want to be near me. It is as if she hates me some days and cares for me in the next minute..
We have to work together or in the current conditions we will not have a job.
I am not sleeping, I cant enjoy myself so many things are galloping through my mind. I thought time would ease this but it is only making it worse.
I waste so much time searching for answers on the internet, my family think shes a tramp (I couldnt dare tell them about her holiday) but I love her and I cant help it.
I really dont know where to turn.- What can I do?

Sarah W

Stop trawling the internet for answers and have an honest conversation with the one person who matters. If she is similarly confused (and she seems to be) go for counselling together to see if you can either make a go of it or separate as well as possible.

Caryatnid

Sarah W wrote: »

If she is similarly confused (and she seems to be) go for counselling together

The OP said that she doesn't want to be near him. They broke up a year ago and she went on holidays with someone else.
OP it really looks like she's not interested in a relationship with you at all. I don't know why she wears the ring though. No harm approaching her and asking her but it looks like it's over.

LegacyUser

I know that there is really no answer right now, she's got a very quick temper (me too!) she flips if I ask her about the ring, and also if I talk about counselling. Its hard to get the whole story across in a few words, I dont really think that she doent want to be near me, I just know shes not.
She does not have to be in work with me, she could leave and survive. Its as if her head is telling her one thing, her heart the other, and her "psychic" mother something else, anyway she obviously doesnt want to sever the links. But is really really dragging it out and torturing me. I cant stop loving her its is a pain in the ass. I know that there is really no answer, just time, everyone eventually just wants to be loved and I will have to suck this up for now.
It is good though to write about it and get it off my chest and its a real bonus to know that others out there do care enough to read and write back .
Thank You.

LegacyUser

OP -that is some situation.

The best thing you can do is find someone else and start dating again. You are probably analysing it too much and looking for answers. Its the past and as soon and you should leave it there.

(Ideally in time she will find another job but this isnt the time given the recession etc.If you were to make redundant it would cost you though you could reclaim a large part from the government.)

Wagon

Ask for the ring back. I mean, she isn't interested but is still wearing it in front of you and yet avoiding you...she sounds like a pain in the ass so dont feel guilty about asking her for the ring back.

LegacyUser

Apart from your personal feelings for her, you'd want to take a good hard look at how professionally you are behaving as a boss. You've already fired one person for nothing to do with his performance at work (based on what you've said here). You're probably lucky he was happy to go home and didn't go for unfair dismissal.

I know it's painful and you want answers but just be careful you don't verge on harrassment, asking her about the ring etc. I think you just have to accept that she needs time and space, you have to step right back and conduct your relationship only on a professional level.