Only had prostitutes

LegacyUser

I lost my virginity at the age of 23 to a prostitute in an asian country, I only had sex with prostitutes, it seems I cannot get a woman unless I pay for her. This makes me feel very ashamed as there is alot of social stigma attached to this. Now 4 years later I have tried approaching at least 100 women in bars and clubs but I get nowhere.

I am overweigth, maybe even obese but I got a handsome face, fairly intelligent and got a decent job. Now I feel I want to be able to have women who are not prostitutes. How do I get one?

Wagon

bugger the prostitutes, im not here to judge you to me, its hardly different from the one night stand, only difference is she wants money.

Anyway, maybe lose some weight and get into shape for a start. I'm not talking about getting steel biceps and chest, i just mean lose the obesity. Not only will you be more appealing but your health will improve drastically too.

By matter of interest, how do you approach women? Normally i would just chat friendly with them with no interest in getting any closer. So its a suprise when it does happen.

Terodil

Unregistered wrote: »

I am overweigth, maybe even obese but I got a handsome face, fairly intelligent and got a decent job. Now I feel I want to be able to have women who are not prostitutes. How do I get one?

What exactly do you want? I'm a bit concerned about your word choice here, 'have women'... 'get one'...

Women are not objects. If you are/come across as looking for an accessory or a quick shag I'm pretty certain you won't be very successful...

Miss Fluff

I'd say obesity is probably your main barrier to meeting someone. Why don't you get fit and lose some weight, it will do wonders for your self-confidence.

Dean820

Lose the weight and maybe rethink your approach.

spurious

There are many overweight guys who are very popular with the ladies, so the weight alone is not the issue. Your confidence is the problem. Desperation is not very attractive. Going out wanting to 'have' a woman wouldn't be the best approach either.

Stop trying to find a girl. Go out to have a good time with no idea of having failed if you don't get a girl talking to you. You'd be surprised how interesting you will seem when you lose the air of 'wanting' to find a girl. When you get one talking, make her laugh.

Liam Byrne

The "how do I get one" would flag to me that there are bigger issues here.

It's not about getting "one"; it's about being with a particular someone.

Yes, you'll meet loads of wrongs before an even half-right, but even those relationships are based on something, and have their good points......

But "getting one" seems to imply that anyone would do; this might be the case with prostitutes, but definitely not in terms of relationships.

Firetrap

As a woman, I can tell you two turn-offs straight away. Men who are desperate and men who are clearly just out to find something female to go home with.

Perhaps your manner is all wrong. What do you do? Most women can spot a predatory male a mile off. How about trying to get into a chat with some women? Bring along another male friend - that can make things less intimidating.

R.D. aka MR.D

As an above poster said it is important to remember that women are not objects.

When you used the prositutes thats exactly what they were, objects that you paid for. So even sub consciously this could be effecting you.

It could be that you are projecting that to the women you are talking to.


It really depends if your looking for some one to be with or just a one night stand.
One night stands are all about confidence.
But if its a relationship then you need to put work into treating the woman well and finding some one compatible.

That takes time and effort.
And normally its easier to find the right people through friends or an activity that you both like.

LegacyUser

I chat to plenty of girls but it never leads anywhere.

kittenkiller

If you're chatting up women with the sole intention of getting your leg over anything with a pulse you'll never get anywhere.

Do you friends not have female friends that you can talk to?

I think that having had a previous relationship with a women helps a mans chances of pulling exponentially.
They've experience in treating women like actual people rather than walking holes and usually know how to approach them with more ease.

To get into a relationship you need to change you attitude about women.
You kind of remind me of a 14 year old just trying to get something, anything off anyone just to say you've done it.
Try to make friends with a few women and develop a relationship where the goal isn't to get some.
If you can manage to hang out with a women, more women will follow and you'll be more at ease.
You're sure to fall for someone and by trying to get the attention of someone in particular, you'll make them feel special.
No one likes to think that you'd go with anything and that they were the only one desperate or silly enough to fall for it.

Best of luck OP.

BraziliaNZ

Wagon wrote: »

bugger the prostitutes

Don't encourage the lad, and they usually charge extra for that

LegacyUser

do you have any friends who can set you up?

Just be yourself and dont try too hard

kittenkiller

Unregistered wrote: »

do you have any friends who can set you up?

Just be yourself and dont try too hard

And don't ever mention that you've only ever paid for it in the past.
That'd rightly creep me out.

LegacyUser

kittenkiller: I do not have any female friends. Having a girlfriend is like having a job. If you never had a job it will be hard to get one. If you never had a girlfriend it will be hard to get one.

I am approaching 30 fast, at my age never had a girlfriend is considered weird and creepy. I never talk about relationships or love, especially not to women.

How could a female friend help me out? You do not date friends.

I never tell anyone I'm a nice guy since the quite opposite is true, by sleeping with prostitutes I know I take advantage of vulnerable women who would not resort to this kind of business if they were not desperate for money.

Wagon

kittenkiller wrote: »

And don't ever mention that you've only ever paid for it in the past.
That'd rightly creep me out.

Good point. It depends on the person but i think 90% of women would be put right off. I mean i can think of far worse things someone could have done but wimmins are strange when it comes to these things.

So OP, don't tell anyone. By the way, you mentioned you were in Asia with the women there (lucky sod) but did you use protection and get yourself checked out afterwards? Cos i don't think they have very rigirous health standards in that part of the world.

Unregistered wrote: »

I chat to plenty of girls but it never leads anywhere.

What exactly do you do to approach them though? What are you trying to achieve? You are in a suit and tie...order a bottle of wine from across the bar to a stranger woman you think is beautiful...and then stroll over smoothly....engage her in intellegent conversation...treat her well, make her feel like a pricess...then to a nice hotel room so you can lamp the box off her?

Or are you looking for something meaningful?

lizzyvera

Well if all you want from women is to meet them in bars and shag them you're not going to get very far! I would not go near someone like you. You seem sleazy and you regard women as objects.

I don't know how you could have a genuinely loving, open relationship with someone if you've been with so many prostitutes. It would always have to be a secret from your OH, since it would put a normal woman off if she knew what your attitude towards women was. Secrets like that are bad. It's unfortunate that you don't know the difference between making love with someone and **** in a gee.

Drexel

kittenkiller wrote: »

And don't ever mention that you've only ever paid for it in the past.
That'd rightly creep me out.

Yeah dont mention that. Have you tried maybe joinin an internet datin site or gone speed dating?

Stop tryin so hard to get a woman and just enjoy urself when ur out. U will meet someone eventually.

LegacyUser

I tried internet dating for 3-4 months, got 2 dates out of it. Did not lead anywhere, no second dates with either person.

Caryatnid

Unregistered wrote: »

I never tell anyone I'm a nice guy since the quite opposite is true

Is this a typo???
I agree with previous posters about the 'get one' and 'having' a woman.
Also agree that obesity could be hindering you.
And to add to this, if you aren't 'a nice guy' then that's kind a problem if you want someone to like you??

LegacyUser

A nice guy would not sleep with prostitutes because that would be taking advantage of a woman who usually is in a desperate situation. I do this so clearly I am not a nice person. My attitude is very condescending, you might almost say I am full of venom. Never being loved and experiencing those kind of things will make you the man I have become.

In my teen years I thought I would never ever see a prostitute or take drugs. Now at age 27 I have been with 12+ prostitutes, used drugs and alcohol for self medication. I am walking down a bad path and I cannot see anyway out of this.

pisslips

There are people here saying that no woman wants to be with a man who objectifies women, yet if he was confident, fit and good looking he'd get lots of attention even if he did objectify women because women objectify him.

Anyway, join some sporting club and commit to it, cycling or basketball or dancing or something, it will alleviate just about every problem you have.

starbelgrade

Unregistered wrote: »

A nice guy would not sleep with prostitutes because that would be taking advantage of a woman who usually is in a desperate situation. I do this so clearly I am not a nice person. My attitude is very condescending, you might almost say I am full of venom. Never being loved and experiencing those kind of things will make you the man I have become.

In my teen years I thought I would never ever see a prostitute or take drugs. Now at age 27 I have been with 12+ prostitutes, used drugs and alcohol for self medication. I am walking down a bad path and I cannot see anyway out of this.

There's no two ways about this - you need counselling. Exercising is good for you, yes, but it'll only help you in part. Your problems are a lot more deep rooted than that however... you have addiction problems & are dependant on drink, drugs, food & prostitution to drown what seems to be a lot of sadness.

Speak to a counsellor.

kittenkiller

Unregistered wrote: »

A nice guy would not sleep with prostitutes because that would be taking advantage of a woman who usually is in a desperate situation. I do this so clearly I am not a nice person. My attitude is very condescending, you might almost say I am full of venom. Never being loved and experiencing those kind of things will make you the man I have become.

In my teen years I thought I would never ever see a prostitute or take drugs. Now at age 27 I have been with 12+ prostitutes, used drugs and alcohol for self medication. I am walking down a bad path and I cannot see anyway out of this.

Personally, I think you should really sort yourself out before trying to move forward.
Visit a doctor and be as honest as you can when describing how you've been feeling.
There are a number of medically approved weight loss pills out there.
If you've tried to lose weight before and haven't been able to manage it, your doctor might put you on a course of these.
Be prepared for the doctor to mention losing weight even if you don't bring it up. They will usually see excessive weight as a contributing factor for depression (or pretty much anything you go to them about).

Talk to your female friends about relationships and what they look for in a guy.
Go out with them whenever possible especially if they're going out with other female friends.
The more women you know the higher the chances of you clicking with one of them.

If frequenting prostitutes leads you to feel so bad about yourself, I'd give it a break for a while.

Maybe give the internet dating another chance, if nothing else it'll give you a bit more experience in flirting and chatting people up and flirting with people will boost your confidence!
Don't pin all your hopes on these cyber relationships developing further than that, just enjoy them for what they are.

Best of luck.

LegacyUser

I tend to agree with you that sleeping with prostitutes renders you unsuitable as a life partner. I've certainly come to that conclusion about myself. When I slept with prostitutes (I lost my virginity to one), I gave up my right to a normal relationship as it wouldn't be fair to hide this secret from a girlfriend. Most people see me as a nice guy but clearly I'm not. I don't however drink heavily or do drugs. My future love life will consist of occasional sex with likeminded women (hopefully I won't see too many prostitutes-the last one I visited was four years ago). I enjoy sex but don't want the complication of a relationship.

kittenkiller

The complication of a relationship can actually *add* to your experience.
Don't rule it out and don't feel that your past sexual history will determine your future.

turgon

Well in terms of sex the best is when one is in a relationship imo.

LegacyUser

Have to disagree. I had a great one night stand recently with someone I enjoy talking to but would never consider as a gf. The sex was great and that is pretty much all I'm after. Someone should set up a sex nightclub where single guys and girls can go for no strings fun meetings. Most nightclubs consist of ultra bitchy girls or girls in groups who intimidate single guys. Why not show that Ireland is truly liberated and that one size (committed monogamous relationship) doesn't fit all? Casual sex is fun if you are safe. Not everyone wants a relationship but Ireland and the world is still a couples dominated society.

sam34

starbelgrade wrote: »

There's no two ways about this - you need counselling. Exercising is good for you, yes, but it'll only help you in part. Your problems are a lot more deep rooted than that however... you have addiction problems & are dependant on drink, drugs, food & prostitution to drown what seems to be a lot of sadness.

Speak to a counsellor.

pretty big diagnostic leap there.

just because he used drink, drugs and prostitutes does not actually mean he is dependent on them, either physically or psychologically.

LegacyUser

feck how you look!feck obesity (mayb sort it out healthwise)

genuinely tho, u need to chat to every girl in a bar, the pretty ones, the not so pretty ones. but chat to them without an agenda. go out to make friends!

I really find the "i just wanna chat" attitude works. girls are nearly offended that you just want to chat and hence try to make u want them.

It sounds stupid but you will have so much more fun f you talk to a girl for craic. even talk about a guy in the bar who clearly likes her. You might be doin a bit of his dirty work OR she will think to herself at least this guy has the balls to talk to me without the bull****!!

Hope all goes well 4 you

LegacyUser

I try my luck in bars all the time does not work out.

All in all I had and interesting life, been to many places in the world. Done more stuff than most people in my age, yet somehow I have been disqualified from having a normal relationship with a woman. Makes me really upset.

muboop1

Unregistered wrote: »

I try my luck in bars all the time does not work out.

All in all I had and interesting life, been to many places in the world. Done more stuff than most people in my age, yet somehow I have been disqualified from having a normal relationship with a woman. Makes me really upset.

Dude,
Right

I'm going to be very harsh about this, but i mean everything i say...

Firstly, you slept with a prostitutes, so what, people have done it. They have had perfect relationships after etc...

Why can't you have one? You don't want one, you don't know what a woman is it seems.

What is a girlfriend/boyfriend healthy relationship? Its a bond physically and mentally with a person. You have to respect them. Treat them as equals.

You in previous posts seem to think of women as objects... not equals
Its not the prostitutes that make it so you cannot have a relationship. Sure they will deter some women but not all, if you chose to tell them even. Random women in bars don't know this so it must be something else.

Its your mindset!
Maybe the prostitutes led to this, or maybe you slept with prostitutes due to this?

Regardless, until you sort that out, you cant have a "healthy relationship".

But beyond that you say you aren't good looking, that your fat?

Tuff, you made yourself this way! I was an obese kid, how did i get over it? all the usual ways! diet and exercise.

Your post seems very whiny, "oh poor me i cant get a girl"

You don't want a girl, you want a one night stand.

You say you are ugly, due to over weight,
fix it.

You dont look at women as people,
Only you can fix this...

I personally can't see why anybody would want to be with someone like this!
Girls might be attracted to a guy if he was physically fit in a club and get away with it, but beyond the one night stand they wouldn't get a decent relationship either... Your'e attitude is paramount.

Fix your mindset, and get happy with your physique. Girls don't all want Mr. sixpack, most are happy once you are healthy!

The mindset, that wont be easy to change id guess... But you will not have a girlfriend with the mindset i think...

LegacyUser

I have tried to lose weight many times the last 6-7 years. It lasts about 3-4 months each time, loose some weight but I do not have the discipline to keep going.

In the end hunger will always win.

Did not really get more positive attention from women when I was 40 lbs lighter, so what is the point?

Fluorescence

OP I think everything useful has been said at this point. I don't think you're going to get any new insight - what people here have told you is excellent advice and you should take it on board. You seem to be shrugging it off with excuses.

You say girls didn't like you when you lost 40lbs, so why should you bother? Because it's good for your health, not just for potential relationships. If they didn't like the impression you were giving off, then you can't just blame your weight. It doesn't work like that.

Stop going out with the intention of "getting one" and just go out with your friends for fun. It's more likely you'll meet someone by chance then.

I'd urge you to stop making excuses - your weight, the prostitutes etc. You seem to have the mentality that because of the prostitutes, your chances of a relationship are ruined and that is not the case. I believe your attitude is hindering you, as pretty much everyone else here has conceded too. Councelling could help you change your mindset and pessimism.

Macha

Unregistered wrote: »

I have tried to lose weight many times the last 6-7 years. It lasts about 3-4 months each time, loose some weight but I do not have the discipline to keep going.

If you are really interested in getting fit, go check out the Fitness and Nutrition & Diet forums. It can be done, and your life will be so much better (and longer) because of it. I used to be very overweight but learned what I am supposed to eat and exercise regularly. Now I'm a healthy weight and I only wish I did it sooner. Seriously - there are 4 things you need to lose weight:
1) the exercise (go join a gym/start doing a sport)
2) the diet (cut out the junk food/eat 5 times per day/eat lean protein, veg & good fats at every meal/keep the carbs until after you work out)
3) psychology (believe you can do it-very important)
4) social aspect (do you socialise with people who have a negative impact on your diet and/or exercise?)

I'd echo what others have said about your attitude towards women. I'm 27 and at this stage in my life, I'm pretty good at sussing out any guy that approaches me in a bar. Basically, after a few bad experiences, women get a lot better at figuring guys out after just a few drinks. Therefore you need to change how you view women: they're not just objects for your personal pleasure.

You also need to work on your own self esteem. You are probably a great guy that has just taken a few wrong turns. The right person for you will understand that - nobody is perfect. You have to start to change the way you view yourself - everything else will follow after that. The prostitutes, the extra weight, the lack of success with women - these are all symptoms of a deeper problem with your attitude towards yourself and others.

It may be a hackneyed phrase but "mind over body" is one of the most truthful things ever said. You can change your situation but only if you change your outlook.

LegacyUser

I have much savings, one day I will build a house on a small piece of land I own and the mortgage I will get on the house will be small. Maybe then women will see that I'm not completely useless to them.

When I have my house I will probably be more interesting to them.

Unregistered

Unregistered wrote: »

I have much savings, one day I will build a house on a small piece of land I own and the mortgage I will get on the house will be small. Maybe then women will see that I'm not completely useless to them.

When I have my house I will probably be more interesting to them.

Sorry mate, but I don't think the type of woman who just wants you for your land is the kind you really want to be attracting.
Unless you're happy having a golddigger who isn't interested in you personally whatsoever?

Xiney

OP, you seem to value possessions and possession very highly.

Not only do you keep talking about "having" women, as if they were objects, (to be fair you have been buying them until now) but now you are projecting your own materialistic attitudes onto women, expecting them to love you when you have a house (what you must consider a prestigious possession).


I'd seriously consider getting some counselling - something's just not right upstairs man.

LegacyUser

Xiney: How exactly am I supposed to impress women then, through the goodness of my heart?

For them to want me I must offer something of value.

Unregistered

Unregistered wrote: »

Xiney: How exactly am I supposed to impress women then, through the goodness of my heart?

For them to want me I must offer something of value.

You can start by going a counsellor and working through the materialistic obsessive approach you have toward women.
Women are people. Do you want a woman just because she has a house? No? So why do you think the reverse is true?

Maybe this attitude of yours is what's driving them off. Why don't you try to get to know someone and interested in them for themselves instead of obsessing about what you can get out of them. you might find it works wonders :rolleyes:

I think this whole prostitute experience of yours has completely tainted your view toward all women and now you think they ALL need to be bought somehow. Seriously, talk to a professional and get over this or you'll be alone a long time.

"how do I get one"... lol

WallyGUFC

Unregistered wrote: »

Xiney: How exactly am I supposed to impress women then, through the goodness of my heart?

For them to want me I must offer something of value.

Exactly! Through the goodness of your heart. It's not all about looks, believe me, I know! Just go out, make female friends, enjoy yourself and see what happens. Nothing will happen instantly, be patient, these things take time.
Best of luck!

pipelaser

Get on Track and lose some weight.
The longest journey begins with one step.

In the meantime go for the Polish Birds, they tend to love the big fellas....im not kidding!

dny1234

internet dating might be an easier approach for you. I think you are a bit shy.

jy

I dont get this forum at all, he said he wants a normal relationship with a woman, suddenly all he wants is sex. He is very insecure about his weight, you tell him other overweight guys score. He says how he will build a house on some land so that his relationship value will increase he get told he is materialistic and should seek counseling.

@OP, dude that sucks, but I do agree with some of the advice posted earlier about losing weight. Its really not that hard, go to a GP as ask him to prescribe you a weight loss drug, now there are some bad effects, but you will lose up to 15% of you body fat, not body weight, but fat.

The drug works by preventing you from absorbing fat from the foods you eat, but the side effect is very lose bowel movements (The fat has to go somewhere) but the side effect has a more effect then the drug itself as your body stops craving anything with fat in it.

From there you are on you own, but its really simple just eat right, don't starve yourself.

Diet

eat 5 small meals a with a 3 hour gap between each and dont eat late at night.

Before each meal eat a piece of fruit or a vegetable, then rate your hunger from 1-5, it its 5 eat 350 cal meal, if its 1 eat a 150 cal meal, make sure to eat at least 3 protein rich foods a day, like a piece of chicken / fish / or an egg avoid carbs till your about 20% body fat the you can slowly bring them back into you diet.

Drink at least 2 litters of water a day, this will reduce food cravings.

You should never feel full and always be a little peckish, this is good, it mean you metabolism speed is increasing.

Exercise
If you are very overweight, as in a bmi of 30 start by going for extended walks (bring an iPod) and try to fit in 4 games of bowling a week 2 sessions of two game. Play on your own. When you are overweight bowling is very good exercise

When you reduce you body fat a bit its time to build a little muscle, muscle helps you burn more calories even at rest

go to a gym and get set up on a beginners course

in about a year you could drop all the weight and get the body you have always dreamed of.

gl

LegacyUser

I was out friday night, three different places. Approached 10 women that night, no one seemed interested, they chatted a bit and then walked away.

At work there is someone I fancy a little bit, she is a bit of a flirt towards a few guys but not to me.

I haven't been with a prostitute for over a year now so no sex in this period. I need some intimacy and I am not getting it here. I am quitting my job and going somewhere else, don't know what I will do but I'm leaving. If you're not wanted you don't hang around.

I hope to find a woman somewhere who I am attracted to who also is attracted to me. I sure as hell cannot find it here, worried that it will be the same no matter where I go, but still I have to go somewhere else and see where it leads me.

Taltos

Unregistered wrote: »

I hope to find a woman somewhere who I am attracted to who also is attracted to me. I sure as hell cannot find it here, worried that it will be the same no matter where I go, but still I have to go somewhere else and see where it leads me.

I am despairing that you just did not get what was said above to you.
Women know when you are just out for one thing.

Please for your own sake and any chance for a proper relationship just relax and try to just focus on making friends. Friends with no strings attached - no hidden agenda of hopping into bed with them.
You really really need to work on your view of women - maybe it is just how you write but it is coming across loud and strong on your few postings here that your view is less than ideal. Think about it - if that is the impression we are getting - what impression are the women you meet getting...

This might be the source of you problem. So try to work on just making and keeping friends. Work also on how to view other people (men and importantly women) and hopefully things will work out for you. Unless you do this then I think you are destined to continue in this cycle unless you luck out and meet someone who can look beyond your short-sighted view of gettin me a woman, no prostitutes for a year and I'm gaggin for it...

LegacyUser

I want to meet someone I like who also likes me, what is wrong with that?

The Recliner

Unregistered wrote: »

I want to meet someone I like who also likes me, what is wrong with that?

Please don't reply again pretending to be the OP