Bisexual & scared to come out. Help?

jessica_69

Ok so im bi and scared to death to come out. Ive come out to a few of my closest friends but no one else knows. Im only 16 and both my parents are completely against homosexuality. I tried for the longest time to try and change the way i see people of the same sex, to try and make myself change, but i see now that i cant. Im just so confused and i dont know what i should do... I know that telling my parents is not an option, but im just sick of pretending to be something im not. Its killing me and i cant do anything about it

Untense

It sounds like you already have come out. If only to a few close friends, at least you've told someone. Do you talk about it with them? Do you feel you're living a lie when you speak with those friends?

If you're sure your parents are really so against homosexuality, maybe it's wise not to say anything to them for another couple of years, till you're able to stand on your own feet.
You could also be underestimating them, as I did with my parents, but that's something you need to know for yourself.

In the meantime you don't have to live a lie.
You can be authentic without having to go around uttering to everyone that you're attracted to the same sex, or even making allusions to it. It's just one aspect of your nature, you don't say a straight person is living a lie just because they don't always go on about their attraction to the opposite sex. If the same straight person was to go on about how attractive they found the same sex, in an attempt to cover the truth, that would be living a lie.

I'm out, but I don't go around broadcasting I'm gay to everyone I've met all the time. I'm simply true to myself.
If I see someone I find attractive I know I find them attractive. I don't deny I find them attractive, or try to feel or wish I found the opposite sex attractive.

Sometimes I might know a person for a while and have yet to say I am gay, and one day it might come up in conversation. If the person is surprised about the news when they hear it, I know it's not because I have been living a lie, but because they have been carrying a presumption. And that's okay.

Being out isn't some constant grandiose broadcast to the world, it's just a state of mind. Being out is the opposite of being in denial.

Tight Jeans

You are in the sunrise of your life. You are experiencing what alot of teenagers go through at your age. Have you loss a male in your life in the last while that you are finding it hard to come to terms with and you are confusing it with been attracted to the same sex. Do you think of a certain male in your life who make you feel comfortable and safe. My advise is not to let the same feelings rule your life and go with the flow. Try and meet some more people of your own age and see does the sexual feelings keep appearing. Dont some and railroad yourself into something you will regret later on take care of yourself.

mobius42

Untense wrote: »

If you're sure your parents are really so against homosexuality, maybe it's wise not to say anything to them for another couple of years, till you're able to stand on your own feet.
You could also be underestimating them, as I did with my parents, but that's something you need to know for yourself.

+1 on Untense's advice.

Also, the part about underestimating your parents is quite true. I thought that my parents (my father in particular) would not take it well. In fact, my Dad was really great about it. Mostly though, do talk to people about how you feel; one lesson I've learned is that keeping problems bottled up really doesn't help.

Roro4Brit

My advice is...you're only 16 so don't be in such a hurry to classify your sexuality. I know it's scary but just embrace any experices to come...when you're older you can start stickin a label to it if needs be!

For now just enjoy your youth, and don't worry about anyone else. Fuk em, its none of their business anyhow....and you won't be doing anything that 90% of other people your age wont be considering so chillax..

Oh and maybe it don't apply here, but from my experience....any 16 year old claiming to be bi is only taking a short pit stop on the way to Gay town!

ciao:p:p

hot2def

Roro4Brit wrote: »

Oh and maybe it don't apply here, but from my experience....any 16 year old claiming to be bi is only taking a short pit stop on the way to Gay town!

That really isn't that helpful.

It was exactly crap like this which meant I didn't come to terms with the fact that I was bisexual until my twenties. So to you and everyone one like you - cheers.

Roro4Brit

oh shut up

hot2def

Roro4Brit wrote: »

oh shut up

point beautifully made. Listen, is there an adult there we could talk to....?

Roro4Brit

What is your problem? I'm speaking from experience. Unless you can offer some advice yourself I'd suggest you stop attempting to antagonise those who are offering it....

DubArk

Now Now children!! :rolleyes:

hot2def

Roro4Brit wrote: »

What is your problem? I'm speaking from experience. Unless you can offer some advice yourself I'd suggest you stop attempting to antagonise those who are offering it....

my reply to you was plenty helpful to the OP. You provided a beautiful example of some dismissive b0llox they may experience, particularly at the hands of their "fellow" lgbt people.

I pointed out that your statement wasn't helpful, and if taken to heart could hinder the OP's effort to come to terms with their sexuality. As it did in my case.


I'd say the OP will cherish your "shut up" post....:rolleyes:

renraw

Take your time, it will come naturally. Don't be in a rush, it will work out. I was terrified at 12 cause I knew I was gay, came out to my family the week of my Debs. My father was a man's man, tough and strong and I thought he wouldn't understand it. He did and I loved him even more for it. My family (all 14) accepted it, friends accepted it, and I never to this day had a single person say anything nasty to me about it. I also have a younger brother who's gay and I was the one he came out to, and still yet, my family had no problems with it

Enjoy being 16 and you will find yourself. Funny thing about me is I'm in love with a girl after spending the last few years with guys. I'm not in anyway camp and my family and friends always take the p1ss with me saying I came across as being straight soo much and will fall in love with a girl, who knew? So do not allow anyone to berate you for being bi-sexual. You are what you are and be proud. Its 2009 and people won't blink an eye at it. I'm proud to say i'm bi, simply because I found a girl that I adore and even I get confused about it. Always thought when a lad is gay like myself, that he can't just "change"...I'm a complete mystery even to myself

Be happy and I promise, in a couple of years you will look back and enjoy and love who ya are.

:)

Jafin

Most parents that are against homosexuality are only that way because they've never been confronted with it in their lives. I bet if you told them you'd be surprised, unless they actually go on about it being disgusting and stuff. I'm also bisexual and almost all my friends know (thanks to a blabbermouth friend :P although that worked out fine for me) and ever since they found out Ive found myself being more open with them and more myself. Me and my mother are very close as Im an only child and she has raised me on her own since I was about 4 (Im 20 now), but I havent told her. Its not something thats pressing on my mind and I dont think Il tell her unless I actually have a boyfriend and want her to meet him.
^

---

as usual I seemed to have gone off topic and started talking about myself!

Anywho, just be yourself and dont worry about it, you're only 16, there plenty of time to tell them, no rush, and if they really are again homosexuality its not like you're completely gay, just bi