Guy I like seems to think I'm slutty..

LegacyUser

Not a huge problem, more that a bit confused/aghast..

I've known this guy for a few months and like him a lot. We're in the same social circle, or at least part of the same very wide social circle. We text and facebook each other a good bit and on a night out recently, he told me he really fancied me and wanted to see me one-on-one. I was delighted with this and expected him to ask me out sometime in the near future. He didn't. He'd send me flirty messages saying how pretty I was etc but never actually texted saying "Do you wanna go for a drink at X time?" and I wasn't going to beg, since he's a very confident guy with women throwing themselves at him. So last night, he sends a text basically asking me if I want to have sex right then. It wasn't that late, he wasn't out or drinking. He was just sitting at home, bored I'd say, and asked me if I wanted to come over to have sex, not even for a drink or to "hang out". I obviously wasn't going to say yes to a proposal like that. I mean if I'd been seeing him for a while or he was my boyfriend and he felt particularly horny, that'd be different, I'm not prudish about sex, but we've never even kissed!

Anyway I'm wondering what on earth could have given him the impression that it's okay to text me stuff like that? I'm always very dressed up on nights out, but not tarty looking. I go out a good bit, maybe 2/3 times a week but I'm free for the summer, so why not? I've been with one other guy in the social circle and that was proper dating, not a one night stand. I just feel like I'm giving off some slutty signal and am disappointed cos I thought of him as a potential boyfriend and he's clearly not now if this is all he wants.

I'lllearnye

Unregistered wrote: »

am disappointed cos I thought of him as a potential boyfriend and he's clearly not now if this is all he wants.

You have your head screwed on right anyway . Ignore him, find someone who deserves you. It's not you who should be worrying about how you appear....afterall, he's the one sending texts looking for sex!

~nop~

He sounds like an odd one alright. Not worth your effort if you ask me, unless that was what you were looking for.

z0oT

Yeah i'd be running the other way too. Annoyingly over confident people like that are best kept at a huge distance.

Gone Fishin

Kick him in the nuts and run away! No seriously, I would call him or the next time you see him face to face, ask him what he was thinking of. If you had met before and were getting on well enough and you had "an fb agreement" as such, then you could understand. But to send you a message like that, tell him to run and jump. Regardless or what way you dress or how many people you have been with in the social circle, it gives him no right to send you a message like that. Over the next while, don't respond to his texts or facebook messages etc. then see what his reaction is.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Were you sending him flirty messages? He could have picked up on something wrong that could give him a completely different impression of you.

drunkymonkey

We had a couple of girls like this in our circle before exactly like this situation , and they wanted to get in a relationship with these guys as well but the difference was was that they were getting with pretty much every guy in the group so of course they were giving off a slutty vibe!

Are you anybit flirty or anything when your out even unknowns to yourself?

sorry to say but i think he just wants to talk to you for the sex, there are guys out there like this and they are assholes but know how to talk you around to you thinking they want more then sex....

try to ignore him i think!

Jumpy

Gone Fishin wrote: »

Regardless or what way you dress or how many people you have been with in the social circle, it gives him no right to send you a message like that. Over the next while, don't respond to his texts or facebook messages etc. then see what his reaction is.

Wrong. He has every right to send a message like that. The same way she has every right to tell him to go to hell.
He was chancing his arm and he failed. Big Deal, so he is not boyfriend material.

tbh

you've done nothing. the guy's a dick. Don't feel like you have to modify your own behaviour.

footieman

hi i read your letter and judging by what you said he is coming very strong towards you ye have not a boyfriend /girlfriend relationship ye have never kissed please dont think of yourself as a slut you come across as a smart and intelligent woman if i was you i give him the heave ho.
from Jimmy

Kimia

What did you text back?

I would be horrified too. And a little annoyed. I hate those guys who think they're god's gift to women and think they can achieve something by these kinds of messages. It's disappointing to think that a less secure woman may have thought 'oh my god he must really like me!' (sigh) and gone over to him delighted with herself.

I'd text him back and say something funny like 'wow we're really not on the same page here best of luck with that haha' and then ignore. He'll get the message.

What a loser! Seriously I shudder at the thoughts of his massive ego.

LegacyUser

I texted back saying I really wasn't into being a booty call/f**k buddy and it's generally customary to ask a girl out first.. He really wasn't put out, and just replied "oops sorry, my bad" or something along those lines. It's obviously worked for him in the past though or it wouldnt cross his mind to send a text like that in the first place. He normally dates/sleeps with girls five or six years younger than me (which would make them 18/19) and I'd a chat with a mutual friend about it last night and this is all he's offering them too.

In reply to Bottle_of_Smoke, we were sending fairly flirty mesages but cute rather than dirty, nothing sexual at all. He's just a bit of a desperate eejit I've decided!

shellyboo

Meh, par for the course really. If he's used to having fb relationships he may have misread your signals and jumped to conclusions.

Bullet dodged - at least you found out what he was after before you slept with him.

Liam Byrne

Unregistered wrote: »

I just feel like I'm giving off some slutty signal and am disappointed cos I thought of him as a potential boyfriend and he's clearly not now if this is all he wants.

People give off LOTS of signals, but the fact is that the receiver interprets them. While you may have give off one or two, he chose to not only interpret them a certain way, but also to act on them.

His fault. Not yours.

If ten guys texted you like that, I'd say something, but don't judge yourself based on one idiot.

I've known this guy for a few months and used to like him a lot.

Fixed that for you.

Kimia

Bullet dodged indeed! I repeat, what a loser!

LegacyUser

He's lookin for a F*ck buddy there i'm afraid.... Unless you're used to that sort of realtionship give it a wide berth.. Takes a particular kind of mind set....