Who makes the next move?

LegacyUser

I'm writing this for a friend and don't say 'yeah right a 'friend'', I'm just getting a perspective from a few other people about her predicament.

I went out with my friend at the weekend 'cos she is sick of being single and would like to meet someone but just doesn't really know how to go about it. I said I'd give her a few pointers and if all else fails sure we'd have a fun girlie night out.

Well she got talking to a guy that IMO is nice and genuine and was not smashed off his face which is refreshing when going out in Ireland. They exchanged numbers and we all kind of hung out that night and had a laugh. My friend and I left to go home and there was kissing, nothing more, he was a gent. She texted him when she got home to say it was nice to meet and to thank him for a good night. He then texted her back a few minutes later basically reciprocating her sentiments.

Here's where the predicament kicks in. She would like to meet up with him again but doesn't know if she should wait for him to contact her or what. I suggested she send a text Tuesday to say she would like to meet up for coffee if he was available but I'm not sure if that's the done thing. I've been with my partner 18 years so have been out of the single circuit for quite some time. I'm trying to tell her that sometimes men need a bit of encouragement and he might appreciate her making the first move. She's not so sure but I don't think her way (waiting for him to get in contact) has worked in the past.

So, come on people, options, suggestions, anything?

Lucy Lu

Just a reminder there is no need to post the same thread twice. All unregged posts have to await approval and we get around to doing so as soon as we can.

Thanks
Lucy.

LegacyUser

Yeah, sorry about that, the computer crashed on me and I thought I didn't get to post when I checked for the thread. Then when I posted again I saw the message that says unregistered post must meet approval of the moderators.

Noted.

Terodil

What predicament, exactly?

I think your advice was sound. She wants to meet him again, she should text him. I would only be worried if a unilateral pattern evolved in the long run. But right now I see absolutely no trouble in texting him. Mind games are for losers.

Daftendirekt

Your friend should contact him first.

She has nothing to lose, and if he's interested, he'll appreciate it that she made the first move. If he's not, he'll be flattered that she tried.


Tell your friend to just do it.

Gyalist

Your friend needs to go out and socialise more and not invest her emotions in the very first person that she's met. The guy has her number and he will contact her if he is interested but she should still be going out and meeting other people.

LegacyUser

She does go out but this is the first person that actually ticked the boxes and just wasn't interested in a late night fumble, which is rare in this day and age.

I just find this 4 day rule and never make the first move tactics awful immature. What's wrong with calling a spade a spade. Lay your cards on the table and if it's works out for the best, all the better.

He gave me the impression that he's not too sure of this whole dating game himself and maybe making the first move is the key.

But I was looking for opinions and will take everything on board, thanks.

WeeBushy

Gyalist wrote: »

Your friend needs to go out and socialise more and not invest her emotions in the very first person that she's met. The guy has her number and he will contact her if he is interested but she should still be going out and meeting other people.

I'd have to disagree with that, they got a long well and she wants to follow up on that. Obviously she shouldn't fall head over heels just because he showed a little interest in her, but that doesn't seem to be the case at all.
What's wrong with sending him a text asking if he wants to meet up? He doesn't reply or it doesn't work out, no big deal.
I don't see why she can't be interested in him just because he was the first guy she met. Seems a bit silly to me.

Oh The Humanity

Hm, I too think there is too much invested in this casual encounter. Meeting someone nice is a numbers game not trying to narrow something down so early.

I think your friend has 'overthought' the whole thing and sorry but the coffee thing is such a 'in your 30's second date, we wont be pissed, I can interview him sober' cliche. It smacks of no fun and wanting to get serious too soon, to a timetable like.

Wheres the fun? Its too business like. Making work out of pleasure. 4 day rules and all that.

By all means tell her send a text but it could just be a bit of chit chat to establish a rapport by text and then ask him out. But dont let her make it all 'by the book' stuff, tell them to do something they enjoy and not just sitting in a coffee shop interviewing a potential husband.

WeeBushy

Why does coffee have to be so business like? There's nothing more casual than going for a cup of coffee... Maybe we just see things differently but a cup of coffee, I'd hardly call that serious.

Oh The Humanity

Maybe, but its a bit 'dating by numbers' you know what I mean, people who are trying to get back in the game after not going out for aeons and maybe reading books or taking advice from people who are also a bit out of it......

Its a tiny bit 'overthought'. I think the friend would be better 'carpet bombing' rather than sniping one small target too precise and too early.

Its just a schoolboy error people do when they are out of the game a while and tends to make the subject run in the other direction!

Liam Byrne

Personally, I'd say contact him.

Someone who "ticks all the boxes" isn't a guarantee, but IMHO it's a start worth following up. And aside from all the crap game-playing that goes on, why miss out on that possibility ?

xcarriex

I defo think your friend should ask him out,

Just to maybe keep the mood light etc why cant she just txt saying

'Hi was great too meet you the other night fancy a coffe/drink somtime'

He will want to meet up or he wont and if he is as genuine he will let her know, mind games are just a useless waste of time and txting,

Let us know how it all goes!:D

LegacyUser

xcarriex wrote: »

I defo think your friend should ask him out,

Just to maybe keep the mood light etc why cant she just txt saying

'Hi was great too meet you the other night fancy a coffe/drink somtime'

He will want to meet up or he wont and if he is as genuine he will let her know, mind games are just a useless waste of time and txting,

Let us know how it all goes!:D

She bit the bullet and sent the text yesterday saying, funnily enough, pretty much what xcarriex said above. He got back very eager to meet up, so all is set for Friday. Maybe it won't work out, maybe it will but at least she's giving it a go.

Thanks everyone for your suggestions. Boards.ie is brilliant.

WeeBushy

Brilliant, best of luck to her!

xcarriex

Ha glad to hear it, nowt wrong with ladies doing the asking woo!