I hate him!!

ekerr

My husband (of 2 months) was made redundant last july. Him and his friend started a photography studio. I didn't mind at first cos he is really into his photography. Now there's a girl who does it Kim. She skinny,good looking and smart, bubbly everything. Since she came onto the scene it's like my hubbie thinks she's the business. We have had so many fights about her, ill always give in cos she really is good for the company.

Anyway she was coming to our place with a friend today to get pics taken around here. He's always so nice with her it makes me SICK!! I left them all to it taken there pics. I'd be only freaked if i stayed. Came back and it turned out he took pics of her on OUR BED. Cos she liked the new covers I got. She wasn't naked or anything it's the fact that he knows how much trouble she has caused and he takes pics of her on our bed WTF?????????????? And he didn't see anything wrong with it!!

Tell me if I'm over reacting i'm just soo angry at the moment :mad::mad::mad::mad:

Latchy

Hmmm ..fact that he took the pics on your bed has the potential to make any womon angry yes but if bed was used with no intent other than as a prop ,then it might be nothing to worry about ,although can understand your anger specially as you've only recently married

SarahSassy

Its a bit childish that you say you hate your husband IMHO.

The Big Red Button

ekerr wrote: »

Tell me if I'm over reacting i'm just soo angry at the moment :mad::mad::mad::mad:

You're overreacting. God, you are overreacting.

NickNolte

Yeah, you're going bananas from the sound of it. Having said that, taking pictures of this woman on your bed seems a little... well, odd... to say the least. My advice to you is to bring this up with him and ask him how he could possibly think it was an acceptable thing to do. At the end of the day, it's not acceptable. My advice though - keep a cool head when you talk to him about it. If you lose your head, you'll lose the argument.

Firetrap

If this story is for real, you should have a chat with your husband without going ballistic. It's inappropriate to say the least for this other woman to have been in your bedroom in the first place.

What is the story with "Kim". Why is she around? Is she his business partner? A friend of the business partner? A model?

Terodil

I think from the facts alone you're justified to be angry, however the degree is way over the top. You don't hate him, all the ':mad:' are a bit much... take a deep breath and then tell him CALMLY that after the discussions you had recently, YOU felt that gesture was disappointing and hurtful. The bed is yours and your husband's alone.

orourkeda

The green eyed monster rears its head.

What are you going to be like when he starts cheating on you with her?

Dudess

Um... Very angry, upset and hurt I'd presume - if (what's the "when" about?) he does so... :rolleyes:
Or would you expect a relaxed, happy-go-lucky response?

OP, he is totally taking the piss with the photographing her on the bed - and he knows it. LOL at people effectively saying there's nothing wrong with what he's doing. There is - and they know it too.
However, the girl being attractive isn't an issue - he can hire who he wants, and photogenic is important for his business, so yes, you're coming across as jealous of her. His being nice to her - well why shouldn't he be? Unless the "nice" is over flirtatiousness and overdoing the compliments?

Your reaction needs to be far more rational than it is - you're just coming across as a bit crazed, the kind of behaviour that could drive a man away.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

I dont think your over reacting, no one knows their husband more than their wife if you feel this is effecting your marriage then i think he should have the decency to make it better between you rather than keep ignoring you and your concerns and dangling her in front of her face. Spoken from someone who is in a 13 year successful relationship, communication is the key and both people need to feel recognized in the relationship.

Asking people on here about your marriage which is explained in one paragraph is asking for negative feedback IMO.

orourkeda

Dudess wrote: »

Um... Very angry, upset and hurt I'd presume - if (what's the "when" about?) he does so... :rolleyes:
Or would you expect a relaxed, happy-go-lucky response?

OP, he is totally taking the piss with the photographing her on the bed - and he knows it. LOL at people effectively saying there's nothing wrong with what he's doing. There is - and they know it too.
However, the girl being attractive isn't an issue - he can hire who he wants, and photogenic is important for his business, so yes, you're coming across as jealous of her. His being nice to her - well why shouldn't he be? Unless the "nice" is over flirtatiousness and overdoing the compliments?

Your reaction needs to be far more rational than it is - you're just coming across as a bit crazed, the kind of behaviour that could drive a man away.

Ok IF. I dont think theres any doubt as to what the reaction will be here

Zaph

orourkeda wrote: »

What are you going to be like when he starts cheating on you with her?

orourkeda, future unhelpful remarks like that will get you banned. Please read the charter for further clarification.

Dudess

orourkeda wrote: »

Ok IF. I dont think theres any doubt as to what the reaction will be here

You say that as if it's unreasonable for a person to react in a less than rational way if they find out their partner/spouse is cheating on them. Of course she'd freak - anyone would, even those who wouldn't tend to get fazed usually.

bronte

Cool down and talk to him op.
It was disrespectful to take the pictures on your bed.

orourkeda

Dudess wrote: »

You say that as if it's unreasonable for a person to react in a less than rational way if they find out their partner/spouse is cheating on them. Of course she'd freak - anyone would, even those who wouldn't tend to get fazed usually.

It's not unreasonable to expect someone to be upset if they discover they are being cheated on. What I meant to say was, she wasnt, while it wasnt the brightest move on the husbands part does it warrant this reaction

Fajitas!

You're going to need to chat to him about it.

I can understand where he was coming from by shooting on the bed, but to be honest, I don't think there's any reason you shouldn't trust him - He could quite easily have just said "I'm off on a shoot" and taken the same photographs in a hotel. He started the shoot while you were there, and apart from not liking her, there was no reason for you to leave. He should, however, have asked/mentioned it.

Communication on from both sides (Not just you talking/having a go off him) is going the be the only way you'll get through this.

Nervous Wreck

Just wanna get things clear here in my head....

ekerr wrote: »

She skinny,good looking and smart, bubbly everything.

Sounds like a great many people in the world. No problem yet, as far as I can see.

ekerr wrote: »

Since she came onto the scene it's like my hubbie thinks she's the business.

Your husband likes someone he works with. That's good. No problems yet.

ekerr wrote: »

We have had so many fights about her

Wait. What? Why? Suddenly a problem without reasonable provocation. Has your OH done anything at all apart from 'think she's the business' as you say?

I'm being serious here btw. I fail to see where the problem lies......



As for the photographing her on your bed thing... So fuggin what? He's a photographer. People are finicky about their art. And also, it's a bed. If he'd had sex with her in your bed, I'd be throwin digs. But like, it's a professional relationship. They may as well have been sending faxes on your bed. (<--Obvious exaggeration but one follows that to be the irony of the analogy.)

orourkeda

As a matter of interest what were the photographs like and how were they being used? What was the idea behind having them taken on th ebed

Taltos

I think you both need to take a deep breath and talk about all this. There could be so many things going on here that either this is just easily fixed or is so convoluted that you will work at it for ages. First off though you definitely need to chill. "Nagging" your OH is one sure fire way to push him in the opposite direction...

What we know:
1) Just made redundant
2) Started a new business with another bloke
3) New girl Kim being around - but in what capacity
4) You 2 are fighting about Kim constantly
5) He is nice to her
6) Knowing you do not like her he took photos of her on your bed - but how did you find out?

What we can guess:
1) Hubbie's self confidence probably took a bad knock when he lost his job
2) Flattery or interest from any source will feel like water in the dessert.
3) Nagging will push him away
4) With his job loss and possible confid loss you may be feeling the strain and so may be over-reacting.

However - you could easily be on the fast-track here to prompting your OH to go down the route you least desire - Kim - this is why it is so important you both calm down and talk - and I do not mean calm down until you start talking - you both need to be able to talk thru all you are feeling without blowing up again. If you both (or 1 of you) keep over-reacting what will you do when you really need to talk - that story of the boy who called wolf came about for a very good reason...

IMO you need to go somewhere quiet where you can really chat to each other - maybe each make out a list of the things you are concerned about - but both of you need to be in a mood to listen. - If you think this will not work for you then consider going to get 3rd party help. But FGS at this moment in time you have no evidence that anything untoward is going on - so stop the hystronics unless you want to tip your OH into doing something stupid.
Lets face it - chances are Kim is playing him to keep her job or to get more money...

cowzerp

orourkeda wrote: »

As a matter of interest what were the photographs like and how were they being used? What was the idea behind having them taken on th ebed

They where obviously meant to be sexy, no big deal here.

the op said she wanted them done on the bed as she liked the covers, that does not make sense unless he 1st brought her up to the room though..

Duckjob

OK, sorry but.....

ekerr wrote: »

My husband (of 2 months) was made redundant last july. Him and his friend started a photography studio. I didn't mind at first cos he is really into his photography.

That comes across like you "tolerated" him starting his own business. Doesn't sound very supportive though...

Now there's a girl who does it Kim. She skinny,good looking and smart, bubbly everything. Since she came onto the scene it's like my hubbie thinks she's the business. We have had so many fights about her,

Eehhhhhh what? Many fights? About what? Did some specific incident happen between them? Or was it a case that you thought you could nag him into not associating with certain people?

ill always give in cos she really is good for the company.

Right, so I'm guessing from that that the company is actually doing some business, so your hubby IS actually making something of it. Where's the support from you?

Even leaving aside the bed incident, I can see how you could be getting your hubby's back up.

Anyway she was coming to our place with a friend today to get pics taken around here. He's always so nice with her it makes me SICK!!

Sounds like you REALLY REALLY need to get your jealousy under control.

I left them all to it taken there pics. I'd be only freaked if i stayed.

But this was before the bed incident. What would you have been freaked about?

Came back and it turned out he took pics of her on OUR BED. Cos she liked the new covers I got. She wasn't naked or anything it's the fact that he knows how much trouble she has caused and he takes pics of her on our bed WTF?????????????? And he didn't see anything wrong with it!!

OK, in a regular situation most blokes would probably "clear" that with his wife/partner. Having said that, based on YOUR problems with this girl, what would your reaction honestly have been?

So far from what you've said (and correct me if i'm incorrect on anything):
a) Your husband, after losing his job, has started his own business
b) You haven't been particularly supportive.
c) The business is actually doing some business.
d) A slim attractive girl enters the scene and becomes part of this fun work dynamic that your hubby and his friend have.
e) Your jealousy of this girl is such that the mention of her becomes a flashpoint for fights between you and your hubby, and you start picking fights with him over her.

Now look at this from your hubby's POV:

a) Ah crap, I lost my job
b) I'm going to start my own business - Photography because that's something I enjoy.
c) Jaysus, Wifey isn't exactly supportive. She sounds like she's just putting up with this and hopes I'll "cop on" eventually and return to reality.
d) Ok, we've got Kim on board now, She's great - good for the business. What's Wifey's problem?
e) She's giving me sh**e about Kim? Why? Feck that, I'm making this business work. She doesnt have the right to tell me who to hire or not based on her own jealousy/insecurities.

Look, it's clear you had a major problem with "Kim" long before the bedroom "incident".

I don't know your hubby so I'm going to assume he's a fairly regular, good guy. But....

You have a situation where:
a) On the one side, he has a fun new dynamic involving an attractive, smart, bubbly (your own words) young women.
b) On the other side, he has a wife that gives him no support, and only grief that is obviously directed at this young woman.

The absolute WORST thing you can do here is to make this about opposing "sides", as above.

Tell me if I'm over reacting i'm just soo angry at the moment :mad::mad::mad::mad:

Yes, you are overreacting.

You don't need to be a rocket scientist to figure out what the direction this can take if you continue to make it a situation of opposing "sides". If it reaches a point where he starts to confide in her about "problems" with you, then you're really headed into dangerous waters.

Liam Byrne

He crossed a line, without a doubt; but nowhere near enough to get this reaction. It's an "invasion of [shared] privacy" issue, nothing more. Photography often involves taking photos of gorgeous people, often topless or even naked, and it can still be tasteful and above board.

And added to that the fact that you've already fought about this girl makes me wonder whether it's the invasion of privacy issue that's actually the issue at all.

So let's raise the ACTUAL issue (assuming you can leave aside the juvenile "I hate him!!", because if I thought someone posted that on a public board about me I'd be out the door like a shot)....why did you PREVIOUSLY fight about this girl ?

And since you phrased it as "I didn't mind [him starting a new business]", did you have reservations / worries / insecurities that the new business would involve good-looking models ?

BTW (and even though I'm not qualified to judge properly) it also involves good-looking male models - would you have had a problem with the "invasion of privacy" if it were one of them ?

nmesisca

Liam Byrne wrote: »

He crossed a line, without a doubt; but nowhere near enough to get this reaction. It's an "invasion of [shared] privacy" issue, nothing more. Photography often involves taking photos of gorgeous people, often topless or even naked, and it can still be tasteful and above board.

And added to that the fact that you've already fought about this girl makes me wonder whether it's the invasion of privacy issue that's actually the issue at all.

So let's raise the ACTUAL issue (assuming you can leave aside the juvenile "I hate him!!", because if I thought someone posted that on a public board about me I'd be out the door like a shot)....why did you PREVIOUSLY fight about this girl ?

And since you phrased it as "I didn't mind [him starting a new business]", did you have reservations / worries / insecurities that the new business would involve good-looking models ?

BTW (and even though I'm not qualified to judge properly) it also involves good-looking male models - would you have had a problem with the "invasion of privacy" if it were one of them ?

Unless something happens its business. And by the sound of it, he knows what works for his business..
Unless you prefer him being at home doing nothing and not bringing in any money.

Johnnnybravo

Sounds very odd, that she wanted the fotos done after she commented that she like the bed covers?? Why on earth was this woman in your bedroom?

To be honest I can see why you are angry.

Why have ye had rows about this girl in the past? Is it a case of everytime you hear her name you snap or is there more to it? Either way he was out of order having her in yere bedroom in the first place.

seahorse

Well naturally you'll have wanted to know what she was doing in your bedroom in the first place OP. What was his answer to that?

I can tell you there'd be questions asked in my house if my partner had some woman in my bedroom, and if he was insensitive enough to have a woman I had a problem with draped all over my bed I'd be strangling him with the fukin bed clothes.

The Big Red Button

If he was up to anything with her, he'd hardly tell you he was meeting up with her, let alone that they were in your bedroom!

To be honest though if you keep giving him so much hassle about her, when by the sounds of it he's done nothing wrong, chances are he'll feel he has no choice but to hide it from you when/if he meets up with her outside of work.

dudara

Your husband was very much out of line by bringing another woman into your bedroom. He'd have to fairly dense not to recognise that.

As other posters have said, there is only one option - open, honest, calm communication.