2 steps forward 10 steps back

LegacyUser · 19-07-2009 07:07PM #1

Met ex last week for first time since seperation, on an access visit with kids. It has been 6 weeks since I've seen him. After initial devestation I've been doing ok but am just sticking plasters over a broken heart. We were together 10 years married for 7. He got the cliched "itch" and told me that he was no longer in love with me and "wanted out of the marriage". I've been getting by using my anger and keeping busy with friends and family but when we met last week we spoke for the first time, this small conversation has totally disarmed me and got me thinking how much I love and miss him but is so pointless...i feel like just as I was turning a corner I'm right back where I started...I'm also annoyed at myself for feeling like this when he hurt me so badly....
It was never meant to be this hard....

Limerick1976 · 19-07-2009 07:56PM

Don't be so hard on yourself, allow yourself time to grieve these are natural feeling that you are going through it would be worse if you were not feeling these, Be Strong you will get through this...

SarahSassy · 19-07-2009 08:02PM

You poor pet... Its terribly hard and I have no words of wisdom. Continue to do as you have been with focus on friends and your kids.. Have you had a night out with friends since the separation? It may be a good idea to go out and have alaugh with friends.

Good luck.

LegacyUser · 19-07-2009 08:05PM

Have good days and bad days, today is just not a good day, but thanks for your kind words. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

SarahSassy · 19-07-2009 08:35PM

OP, I know this is hard right now but do try to count your blessings. Try to keep a few positivn affirmations on the tip of your tongue for when you get upset, eg

I possess great inner-strength.
I am surrounded by love. All is well.

I know it sounds kind of hippy but its good for a distraction. I also, when I am upset about something and start to think about it, say a little pray or send a good wish for someone who is less fortunate.

I know its hard and I know you need to deal with it but not every minute of every day. Try to distract yourself in some way and get over this slowly and surely.

Please also ensure that you are getting good legal advice with regard the separation. Its very easy to be too upset and hurt to give this the priority it needs.

Limerick1976 · 19-07-2009 08:58PM

I found this recently hope it helps

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20060921170318AAXn6fa

LegacyUser · 19-07-2009 09:44PM

I am normally a positive and forward thinking person. I have fantastic children and a lovely home so will focus on these and on myself and I will get through this. It's just hard to keep being the strong one all of the time. I sometimes feel that I am always the strong one and I would love to be the one who is minded and protected for once, but really I suppose that isn't me and I'd probably in reality hate the vulnerability of it all. I just hope that fuzzy happiness that I once had comes back again soon.
Your wise words are so strengthening and invaluable to me, thank you so much.
I looked up that link too, is really very good and I will go back to it when I have my next bad day.
Thanks you all again.
x

LegacyUser · 20-07-2009 10:58AM

I am also going through a breakup and just had a look at that link. Made me feel alot better, its good.

SarahSassy · 20-07-2009 11:36AM

OP the fact that you are functioning at all is a testament to how strong and capable you are. One day at a time and rely on people who can and will help you. Do try to get a night out even for a quiet dinner with a friend. Good luck and keep us posted.

LegacyUser · 20-07-2009 08:42PM

Hi, today I'm a bit better, took the advice on the link and wrote a farewell letter...won't post it but will prob burn it as the link suggests. I did find that it helped though.
op I hope you too are having a better day today.
Take care

Tar.Aldarion · 20-07-2009 09:56PM

Limerick1976 wrote: »

I found this recently hope it helps

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20060921170318AAXn6fa

I liked that link, might help to write that letter one day and burn it.

I know what it is like, to 10 steps back, after having a few steps forward. It is hard to contact them, it will have many consequences. "Nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it would be this hard".
You gotta be brave and know time will make you better. It may not be much solace, our hearts won't obey our heads, but you gotta have as much fun as you can. Take your mind off it, you have some great children to care about. I suggest a few nights out with friends away from the kids, your friends are there to look after you, you want to feel looked after, talk to them!
I wish you the best.

LegacyUser · 20-07-2009 10:35PM

I have the letter written since last night, is more like a novel but it was cathartic. Will burn it as soon as eldest goes to bed.
Am bit hormonal this week so not as tough as usual. I also contacted counsellor today and am seeing her tomorrow, want to protect my mental health, for my kids really more than anything, they have enough to get their heads around without their mother falling to pieces.
It feels v strange letting it all spill out like this I am normally very private about all this stuff, . Usually slap on a smile and face the world and sort my head out myself, is v strange to ask for outside help...
Will def take your advice and go and have some fun...Thanks for listening.

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