being adopted and relationships...

shezzie

i have been with my fiance for over five years - he has been with me through the highs and lows surrounding me being adopted - last year i started my search and since i did i tried to face up to the many high and low feelings i had - course when you have a partner and you live together that can be extremely difficult to live with and god bless his cotton socks he did put up with alot - we went out last night huge huge argument and he says its all of - he went back to his family last night - he phoned this morning to say he had enough of the moods and my ever more lack of communication and he felt pushed out -

it really sucks sometimes to be adopted and in my way of dealing with it has lost the most imortant person in my life....we were gonna get married...

the cost of being adopted - our relationships with our families can be strained or awkward to talk to and our partners - i feel incredably sad......

neuro-praxis

I don't wish to speak out of turn or without compassion, but you need to take responsibility for your own behaviour and relationships. No doubt your adoption has shaped you in many ways but you are not powerless to change how you live.

I suggest getting some therapy to help you deal with the very real hurts you are experiencing, but further than that, I suggest you take responsibility for the things that have driven your partner away and look to setting them right. You can't blame your adoption for your problems.

CathyMoran

I have OK'd this with my husband first who is adopted. We were together about the same length as you two and were also engaged when he started tracing. We went through a very rough time when he was tracing family to the extent that we broke up (his choice, not mine) and saw other people but we always stayed close (much to the annoyance of the people that we were dating) and are very happily married now.

Speaking on the other side it was so tough seeing him going through so much pain but I guess that he needed his space, all I wanted to do was to hug him but I feel that he needed to get his head around things. We have discussed everything since though and are all the more closer for it.

Huge hugs.

lynsalot

Hey Shezzie

I'm so sorry you have broken up. I think it's harsh to tell you to take responsibility so bluntly but... and it's a big but... IF the fact you are adopted have had huge implications on your relationship, you need to find some other way to channel it. Yes your boyfriend should be your rock and be ur support but he's just one person. If you're insecure or feeling neglected or more needy than a person whose not adopted, you need to address that first. There really is no better advice than taking care of yourself first. You need to accept your flaws and understand where he's coming from.

Do you think it would help if you asked him to talk and perhaps showed him you were dealing with your feelings. Have u been to counselling? I'm speculating that your feelings about yourself have impacted badly on the relationship - if this isn't the case please correct me. I know I had a lot of issues throughout all of my relationships and I sought help. Things are 100 times better now. I don't know if being adopted is sole reason for my insecurities but I do know that the arguing has stopped.

I hope things work out for you hon I really do. If u wanna talk or anything just pm me.