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How do men deal with disagreements?

  • 17-07-2009 2:26pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    My boyfriend doesn’t handle conversations / disagreements very well and I don’t know how to handle it. We are living together but with his job he works away a lot for up to 4 or 5 days at a time.

    He recently let me down very badly and caused a lot of hurt through changing his mind on something very important. I have never raised my voice to him and always try to listen but need to talk about this when I saw him to get it out of my system and get some clarity from him. He is normally very loving and attentive but has become cold, distant and hard. The physical distance and natural break in our relationship doesn’t help and I don’t know what to do. He seems to be reacting by blaming me for upsetting him even though what he did was very hurtful and confusing. He says he now feels like I will only hassle him whenever I see him and its wearing him down (poor him sic). I jsut wanted to talk it out of my system.

    We used to (I thought) have great communication but maybe we don’t when the chips are down.

    Is it a common enough male reaction to close down in the face of perceived nagging? I know he still loves me and still want us to be together but this coldness is ruining any hope of getting back on track for me.

    Thanks

    PS he is far from a kid - age wise...


Comments

  • #2
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Everybody is different re communication / emotions..it's not necessarily a male / female thing... I am male..very very open to communication talking things through resolving matters etc..however my ex's have been similiar to your bf..cold not wishing to talk getting angry / annoyed when I tried to talk about things...

    As for advise? Not to sure TBH..if he's not good at communicating then there would appear little you can do...

    How sure are you that he's committed to relationship?
    You say he hurt you deeply recently? I would NEVER hurt someone in a relationship...so tread carefully...


  • #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I dont really want to go into what happened but his change of heart about something has caused hurt for me. He says it was not deliberate and tbh up to now he has always had my best intentions foremost.


  • #4
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I have had the same problem with my ex. At the start he was loving and kind but in time he became cold and distant. He said he loved me and so on but like that he would hurt me and let me down at a moments notice.. and if I tried to talk to him he would claim that I was trying to start an argument and refuse to talk to me. to be honest I think this is going to get worse for you as time goes on and my advice woud be to leave him now.. not all men are like this and if he truly cared about you he wouldnt do that to you ask yourself this would you hurt him that way.. from the way I see it you are the one trying to safe a sinking realtionship and he dosnt seem to want to help.. you spend a lot of time apart if he really loved you he woud make the most of the time you are together not treat you badly. I say get out now whie you can and find someone who deserves you.


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