I am absolutely frustrated

LegacyUser

I have had an awful day, and I feel like I am at the end of my tether with what has been going on for the last 9 months.

This isn't the first thread i've made on this, but it has been some time now.

Basically, I am an extremely shy girl, i am not outgoing at all. After a while of getting to know someone I do open up, but only to an extent.
My friend, she is one of my best friend, is an outgoing, flirty girl. She has a boyfriend, yet will flirt like crazy with other guys even in front of him.
As soon as I got a boyfriend, last October, of course, she would start to flirt with him. She only began to know him at this time. This includes statements like "oh my god, you are actually the coolest guy ever.", "i love you", and a lot of hugging and sometimes holding his hand. She has more than once said to me "let's swap boyfriends for the night!". I mean, by the time we were going out 3 weeks, she took hold of his hand on a bus journey and didnt let go...neither did he, although he apologised to me.
I know this is who she is, she is flirty, overly flirty, and I should know it doesnt really mean something, I tell myself, she is like this with every guy, so why should I be pissed off.
It has got to the extent where I try keep my time seperate for them both, in fact it has been a few months since she has seen him, yet she's always nagging him to come out. In fact one time, she did ask him out for a drink with her (only her, ther wasnt gonna be anyone else), without bothering to ask me.
My boyfriend, I completely trust him, he loves me to bits, i know. I have spoken to him about this, He says he hasnt even noticed that she is like this, but that he understands that i feel this way.

So today, she texts the both of us, asking do we wanna come to hers tomorrow, we both reply. She says 'ok cool' and is all happy to me, doesnt reply to my next message, yet when he replies, she is full of questions, and texts him for the whole day.

I cant say anything to her, because she is not someone who will understand, and I feel bad as it's just who she is. But she isnt someone who takes well to criticism. She's not someone I want to lose as a friend. I dont know what to do. I'm angry and upset.

Nevyn

Your friend needs to learn respect and boundaries you have to tell her this, and if she doens't change her behaviour then I suggest you get a new friend.

unhappycamper

OP just take some action and be done with your mates behaviour. If she gets all ratty then tell her to suck it up and that you wont be putting up with this childish behaviour any longer.

Nevyn

Mod note: txtspk is forbidden on these forums and unregistered post which are illegible due to textspeak will not be approved.

LegacyUser

I really know i should say something to her. But I dont know if I can. I mean, i know that if she stands up against what i say im gonna back down.
I dont know if i am self confident enough.

CDfm

Thaedydal wrote: »

Your friend needs to learn respect and boundaries you have to tell her this, and if she doens't change her behaviour then I suggest you get a new friend.

+1 your friend is totally lacking respect and yes she is encroaching on your good nature. I expect she will shriek a bit but she is relying on you to say nothing so you enable her to do this.

As she sounds so thick skinned she wont be bothered by you saying it.

LegacyUser

OP what your friend is doing is NOT acceptable. And you should NOT be putting up with it. She is treating you like dirt and it needs to stop.

My view of her is that she craves attention from guys. If your boyfriend was single, I bet she wouldn't be that interested in him in particular. She may be for a time but then it would fade. She's keeping it up because firstly, he's taken and she's looking for the affirmation that she needs (she thinks to herself "oh my god this guy is taken by my best friend and look how well we get on together; look at how I could get him if I really wanted to"). Secondly, he's allowing her to do it. Thirdly, and most importantly, you're allowing her to do it.

You need to tell her you're not comfortable with the situation. You say you trust him and that she's like this with every guy so you trust her and dont believe her to be vindictive. But you're clearly not happy all the same.

It may sound harsh but she has no respect for you as a friend. And for your own sake, you need to talk to her - firmly. And in my view perhaps to your boyfriend too. In a way he kind of reciporates it by not making it clear enough her attention is unwanted as he already has a girlfriend.

Best of luck.

karlog

Give that B**ch a slap and set her straight.

Nevyn

karlog banned for 1 week for advocating violence.

Amazotheamazing

She's not your friend, and your boyfriend loves the attention too.

She's like a magpie who doesn't like anyone else having shiny things. She'll always be like this, only as you get older the dynamic will change, she'll go on about her her job is better, her kids are smarter, her holidays sunnier, etc.

I wouldn't waste my time on someone like that.

hightower1

Your "friend" is acting like this cause firstly she sounds like a t*t but she continues cause she thinks she'll get away with it? She knows your not that confident and wont pull her on this.

I guess it could be hard to say it as i hate confrontation myself but if it goes on eventually you will snap and it'll be a lot uglier. If you pull her on it now at least you can control it, think about it and your reactions, what you'd like to say and be a little calmer.

Better to sort this now than leave it fester... oh and he should have more respect for you too. I'm sure if the tables were turned he'd see it differently.

Mackleton

OP this girl is way out of line. She is simply seeing how far she can push you and keep getting away with it. She is one of these girls with a chronic case of 'Forbidden Fruit' syndrome. He's your boyfriend so she thinks, 'wonder if I could pull him?' just to see if she can.

She is taking you for a mug and your bf isn't acting stongly enough to stop her. I say it's up to your bf to make his position clear. He should clearly and firmly state that he is happy in his relationship with you and that her behaviour is not only inappropriate but very disloyal to you. To be honest she sounds like the kind of friend you could do without, but obviously we don't know the girl so it's hard to judge.

kittenkiller

Speak to her about it.
Bring it up in a friendly way at first then give her a chance to change her ways.
If she doesn't, have another little chat with her.

Let your bf know that you feel *her* behaviour is out of order and ask him to keep things very cool between himself and her for the next little while to let things settle.
He should be ok with this.

If she continually refuses to respect you and your relationship then I think that she might be one of those girls that you only meet without your partner present on giry nights in/out.
Some people just find attention impossble to give up.

Best of luck.

Taltos

I would approach it a little differently.

Yes she should have respect for you - but where is you bf in all this.
> why does he not let go of her hand
> why does he not speak up

Yup - he probably is uncomfortable and does not want to create tension. But maybe next time she says or does something inappropriate he can really help here by being firm but polite and clear - that while he likes her as "your" friend he already has a girlfriend and does not appreciate her overt come-ons.
> Unless he is also enjoying it - he is human so like the rest of us probably is - but does he understand the real message he is fostering here?

When she then comes complaining to you - that is your perfect opening to just say "You know Sally, you really have been pushing it - not just with John but with our friendship too. I am just sorry you do not see it like that. Look I gotta dash and spend time with John - but I'll call you" & walk away.

LegacyUser

Thank you for all the advice.

Last night I spoke to my boyfriend about all of it, I told him how I hate going out in case I end up feeling uset or pssed off. I told them that when we are out, i often feel left out and to look at everything from my perspective. He said he was really sorry and that he would try change some things.
I know he wont ask her to back off, like me, he's a pretty shy person...and I dont want him to say anything for me...
I've realised the only thing I can do is to say something to her, because I hate having to keep my friends seperate, and other than this situation, she is one of my best friends.

kittenkiller

Unregistered wrote: »

Thank you for all the advice.

Last night I spoke to my boyfriend about all of it, I told him how I hate going out in case I end up feeling uset or pssed off. I told them that when we are out, i often feel left out and to look at everything from my perspective. He said he was really sorry and that he would try change some things.
I know he wont ask her to back off, like me, he's a pretty shy person...and I dont want him to say anything for me...
I've realised the only thing I can do is to say something to her, because I hate having to keep my friends seperate, and other than this situation, she is one of my best friends.

Fair play to you OP.
That was a great step and now you can be 100% confident that you're not in this alone and that you have the person that matters on your side!

Now all you have to do is let your "friend" know!

Good luck

Dean820

Tell your friend to stop, your friend is being slutty not flirty. Its not her boyfriend. It also sounds like your boyfrind is enabling her. Tell her you feel uncomfortable when she does these things and for him to cop on.

G-Money

I'm not sure what you should do but it sounds like she is over-stepping the mark quite a lot. To be honest, I don't really believe there is any such thing as "harmless flirting". In my mind if a person is flirting, they are either trying to get someone interested in them, or they are just doing it for an ego boost. I think if a person has a boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife they shouldn't be flirting with anyone else. I don't know if that makes me sound like a prude but if a person is seeing someone, why the need to flirt with someone else? Either they aren't happy or just feeding their ego.

I wonder if your friend isn't happy with her fella anymore? Even if she isn't, she shouldn't be coming on to your boyfriend. I suspect her boyfriend is quite annoyed at her flirting with everyone in sight.

CDfm

Unregistered wrote: »

Thank you for all the advice.

Last night I spoke to my boyfriend about all of it, I told him how I hate going out in case I end up feeling uset or pssed off. I told them that when we are out, i often feel left out and to look at everything from my perspective. He said he was really sorry and that he would try change some things.
I know he wont ask her to back off, like me,

This reminds me of something that happened my daughter. The thing is the flirting is flattering and your boyfriend loves it. When my daughter and the boy split up the other girl was no longer interested in him. No surprise neither was my daughter.

Her current b/f is so much nicer and when faced with similar stuff always says I have to check with D first as does she with him. So maybe you two should close ranks and when she acts up say dunno if I will see you I have to check with X first.If you both are saying the same thing she will get the message.

It doesnt matter what age you are -its like if I was out and someone patted my girlfriends bottom - its flattering but you dont need it.

SarahSassy

OP you could always send her this link....

LegacyUser

I'm not sure if showing her this would work...I think I would really just have to be subtle about it...for a start anyway, and if she didn't get the picture, then I'd have to really just tell her straight out.
The problem is, getting around to saying it to her...I know it would be better to say it to her face, but I really dont have the confidence for that. I feel that if one more thing happens, I'm going to snap, so I know I have to get it over with quickly.
As for her boyfriend...I feel extremely sorry for him, he is such a nce guy, and does all he can for her, yet she just takes him for granted and nearly has an agenda to make him jealous