Children at a wedding.

MariMel

Everyone has their own opinion regarding children at a wedding.
My own being that they add to it.....then again I am not someone who requires everything to run smoothly or like clockwork.

Last year my brother at his wedding insisted that all children be gone by 8pm...after the meal before before the band. The job was given to me to find babysitter for the children of parents who would be travelling to the wedding.
This was an impossible task, being told by my now sister in law that her day would be ruined if the children werent gone by 8!!! And my brother saying that I couldnt ruin his wife's wedding day by not finding sitters and that they wanted our norwegian family to be there the whole night, but her daughter to be gone by 8! I was so stressed out by this...that i agreed to take the kids and i would leave at 8. Not that I wanted to but it was the only way.
As it turned out the kids were an addition to the day and things went so well that they ended up being put up to the bedrooms after midnight!

Move on 12 months and now I am getting married...... I want my nieces and nephews there but 2 of my brothers are refusing to take their children. Saying that they dont want their day ruined!!!!!!
My parents support their decision...that they can choose not to bring their children.......BUT they also supported my brother/sis in law when they insisted that NO children be there after 8...saying it was THEIR day and whatever they wanted should go.

So tell me this......why is it I had to abide by my brothers weddding plans...but noone has to agree with what i would like????

(as a side note....we all have aparthotel rooms booked together....all kids would stay in the one room when it is time for them to go to bed, then moved later to the adjoining apartrooms.... we have well known and reliable sitter to look after them.)
(Oh and I am talking about 3 kids....not 10-15......they are 8,6 and 4 and play together with my son on a regular basis)

axel rose

I don't get it. Do you want to force your siblings to bring their children? You wont be the person looking after the children. IMO you need to choose your arguments better.

Your brothers wedding is completely irrelevant, I'm afraid you don't have the right to decide this. You're just the bride, not the parent.......

ecaf

Unless you make them part of your ceremony in some way you probably won't get your brother to change his mind (even if you do make them part of the ceremony, he still may not be swayed).

If I were you I would just leave it the way it is, he may change his mind of his own accord closer to the time.
I didn't mind whether or not there were children at mine. There were going to be the hubbies 2 niece's anyway, and some of my own cousins were young enough. I invited some friends with their kids too. One couple thanked me for inviting them and their kids but had decided that they wanted to enjoy the day and were going to leave them behind. Next I heard (closer to the day) was that they changed their minds and they were bringing them. I didn't mind either way, it was up to them, but it turned out that they joined in really well with the other kids there and really made the day.
Some of my cousins were up all evening dancing on the dance floor and kept going all night, my aunt put one of them asleep on a sofa in the sun room attached to the function room, but the rest were able to keep going, and it was great to have them!

eve

I agree with axel_rose on this. They are not your kids - it is up to the parents as to whether or not they want them there.

rainbowtrout

MariMel wrote: »

Move on 12 months and now I am getting married...... I want my nieces and nephews there but 2 of my brothers are refusing to take their children. Saying that they dont want their day ruined!!!!!!

(Oh and I am talking about 3 kids....not 10-15......they are 8,6 and 4 and play together with my son on a regular basis)

your brothers probably want a day off from minding their children where they can relax and have a few drinks. I was at a wedding yesterday and there were kids there having a great time, but it's a long day for them and they can get cranky. Kids having fun at one wedding doesn't mean they will at the next. One guy I work with was there with his wife and baby, after the meal they were taking it in turns to spend time up in their room with the baby and a few other people I work with relieved them for half an hour at a time. It's not really the ideal situation for parents and many are glad to be relieved of child minding duties for a few hours.


And you can't force anyone to come to your wedding... or bring children to it if they don't want to. Realistically think about it, you'll have the church part, then you'll spend time in the afternoon getting your photos taken, then the meal and speeches where you will be sitting at the top table away from all the kids, then of course the rest of the night is music and dancing, from my experience the bride and groom are kept pretty busy all day, you won't be spending much time with the children so it's a little unfair to insist that they come when they won't be your responsibility.

emma82

axel rose wrote: »

I don't get it. Do you want to force your siblings to bring their children? You wont be the person looking after the children. IMO you need to choose your arguments better.

Your brothers wedding is completely irrelevant, I'm afraid you don't have the right to decide this. You're just the bride, not the parent.......

Totally agree with this. I have seen parents at Weddings who are really not enjoying themselves as they are trying to mind kiddies and its really not fun for anyone! If your brother really doesn't want them there I think you should respect his wishes. How many weddings do you remeber attending under the age of say 12? Me- none!! The kids wont feel left out at all- it could ruin your brothers day though- and he will remember!

Ashlynn

What if you hired this crowd Little wedding crechers I havent used them myself but there are meant to be brill they have gotten alot of postitve feedback on Weddings Online. They mind kids at weddings, play games, feed them, give them party bags, do treasure hunts etc etc. There parents then know that they can relax & enjoy the day & there little ones are being cared for. Might be worth looking into I know if I was given that option id definatly bring my little one along

iguana

axel rose wrote: »

I don't get it. Do you want to force your siblings to bring their children? You wont be the person looking after the children. IMO you need to choose your arguments better.

On the other hand the are the OP's neices and nephews and she loves them and would like them with her on her special day. And her siblings are proritising their fun over the wishes of the person who's wedding it is. It's not quite so black and white.

MariMel

I can see where people are coming from when they are saying that I cant insist that my brothers bring their children.... I dont want to insist they bring them...I have arranged for a 6ft screen to be erected so they could have a Wii competition in an area adjoining where we are having the meal.....i have a collection of toys and art stuff that is to be set up in an alcove in the reception area.....knowing the kids like i do.....they are great kids...and will probably spend nearly all the night like at my brothers wedding last year and my cousins wedding recently, on the dancefloor. And as I said before we have a babysitter for later in the evening that is known by all the children.
And by bringing those 3 kids it only increases the number for the day from 4 to 7.

kittykat84

all you can do is invite them and let them know the arrangements made, which shows you want them to attend. its up to their parents whether they bring them or not, you can do no more. sounds like you've done loads already for the kids, fair play to ya. you're very organised!!:D

seamus

The loggerhead here is obviously that you want the kids there but your brother wants a break. So maybe explain to him the arrangements that you've put in place to make his life easier and he'll agree. Utimately it's his decision though, you can't really force him to take his kids.

MariMel

Thanks to all that have replied....I have had a chat with my brothers and we have come to an amicable decision regarding the children.