Guys

LegacyUser

Hey everyone,

Is it true that guys are intimidated by slightly more attractive women?

I'm not wanting to sound big headed here, but I'm so fed up of never being chatted up by men. Just sick of being alone. All my mates get chatted up on nights out and I just get stared at. Everyone tells me I'm beautiful and intimidate men. I don't understand this as I'm quite shy and never act like I'm different to any other girls. When I try to to make the first move guys just think I'm joking around and never take me seriously.

Don't men realise there's more to a girl than looks?

Or am I doing something very wrong?

Wagon

Why don't you approach a bloke? Why does the lad have to approach you?

karlog

It would be so much easier if girls had the word 'single' or 'taken' stamped on their forehead in clubs.

LegacyUser

I do approach guys I like, but they think I'm just joking. I've heard back that they say something like " there's no way she could be interested in me". I'm just sick of it now!

TanG411

i think men would not chat you up because they believe they won't have any chance with you. They might not have that much confidence in themselves to chat somebody up as beautiful as you.

VaioCruiser

Confused Chick wrote: »

Hey everyone,

Is it true that guys are intimidated by slightly more attractive women?

I'm not wanting to sound big headed here, but I'm so fed up of never being chatted up by men. Just sick of being alone. All my mates get chatted up on nights out and I just get stared at. Everyone tells me I'm beautiful and intimidate men. I don't understand this as I'm quite shy and never act like I'm different to any other girls. When I try to to make the first move guys just think I'm joking around and never take me seriously.

Don't men realise there's more to a girl than looks?

Or am I doing something very wrong?

In my experience you are absolutely right. Many men are intimidated. They feel that a more attractive woman is almost 100% likely to be taken and it will only lead to rejection... which is pretty painful.

Your experience may also be affected by the crowd you are hanging around with.

Being shy does not help either. I am afraid you will have to push yourself to be more friendly to conversation and open to being approached, and learn how to 'engage' a guy you like with eye contact and all the natural body language women exhibit.

About the looks thing... no. Men always go by looks first and then everything else. Women are not far behind either ! so don't imagine they are.

All the best !

Final Approach

VaioCruiser wrote: »

In my experience you are absolutely right. Many men are intimidated. They feel that a more attractive woman is almost 100% likely to be taken and it will only lead to rejection... which is pretty painful.

Your experience may also be affected by the crowd you are hanging around with.

Being shy does not help either. I am afraid you will have to push yourself to be more friendly to conversation and open to being approached, and learn how to 'engage' a guy you like with eye contact and all the natural body language women exhibit.

About the looks thing... no. Men always go by looks first and then everything else. Women are not far behind either ! so don't imagine they are.

All the best !

I agree with VaioCrusier. Have discussed this in the past with the O/H, particularly in relation to one or two of her very attractive single friends, where she has told me that they have had very little actual interest from men, even through college. There can only be one reason for this, as the girls in question are not only extremely attractive, but also very nice people, and that is that men are absolutley intimidated by their beauty. Yes, they will look and stare as these girls walk down the street, but as far as being approached goes, well, it just doesnt happen!!

As a guy, I would've thought that the opposite would be true, but there you go!!

LegacyUser

Being shy probably has a lot to do with not being approached also as you are probably giving off a "standoffish" vibe, without even knowing it. I used to be very shy and recently met somebody I used to know back then. He told me that he& his friends had all thought I was really snobby because I didnt mix with them the same way that my friends did & when I explained that I had been painfully shy he couldnt believe it. So, try to develop some confidence in yourself as well and it will help (easier said than done I know)

G-Money

I can't speak for other guys but I suspect it's as other people have already commented. I mean if I seen a stunning girl I'd probably think "oh she must have a boyfriend" or if she didn't I'd maybe assume she's just some sort of high maintenance girl who only goes out with super rich property developers or something like that.

I'm not saying you are like that though.

Also I think most normal guys would be amazed if some stunning girl was interested. I know I'd be looking around thinking "is she talking to someone else, there's no way she's interested in me. What game is she playing?" Seriously though. I remember being out with a few friends and one of them brought her friends along and one of the friends was interested in me. I kept repeatedly asking my friend was she sure as this girl was quite cute.

I don't know if it's just a lack of confidence or us guys just thinking "there's no way she'd be interested so why bother". I know for me if I seen some beautiful girl, while my heart my skip a beat for her, 99.9% of the time I won't do anything about it as I think there's no way she'd be interested and available. At the same time though I'm lacking some confidence and self esteem at the moment so that has a bearing on my situation.

But I'd say most guys, they'd just see you and automatically think you have a boyfriend or something so they'd just be setting themselves up for a fall.

But if it's really getting to you, I suppose I could be persuaded to take you out sometime if you fancied the company of a young man from the north Although is 32 considered young anymore? Funnily enough I actually sort of forgot my age this morning. I don't know why I was trying to figure it out but I had to stop and start counting. Shockin! Anyway I digress.

JohnW2008

Ah Confused Chick definitely. I think you have hit the nail on the head.

I'm with my girl nearly a year now...So here is my experince of it ............anyway, first time we met we were in a pub chatting away and getting on great. She is stunning, so I didn't try to make a move on her. It was only when she leaned in, asked me, jokingly but also kind of seriously, to kiss her because a load of Italian lads at the bar would not stop staring at her, that we did. And thank god we did!!

So what I'm saying is, don't sit back and expect the lad to take the iniative all the time!

scanlas

You could try putting on a couple stone and see if that works.

VaioCruiser

JohnQ320 wrote: »

As a guy, I would've thought that the opposite would be true, but there you go!!

Where is rationality when we need it I agree with you. But I guess the pain of rejection plays a big part here... as girls who have posted here trying to get advice on approaching men know, rejection and the fear of being rejected is really hard. I know from many many painful experiences of this.

rallye

Yes many guys are intimidated by good looking women and it all boils down to the fear of rejection, why guys are concerned what a stranger thinks is beyond me...

Try giving us guys some indication of interest when you are out, if they do approach after this at least you will know they have that one trait all ye women love, confidence.

Beau

My girlfriend is very attractive and she has no problem getting attention (god dam it!). Whatever way her body language is, she is just extremely approachable. Its all about smiling a hell of a lot, laughing and eye contact.

As others have said you will need to work on your shyness, although it may be completely wrong it, lads may get into their heads that you are stand offish or snooty (literally just because you are good looking, same mightn't apply for a less attractive girl) and will either assume you are either unattainable or not very nice!

sarmer

You could try putting on a couple stone and see if that works.

Haha it actually might!! I always get compliments on my looks but never actually chatted up by guys - its been a year since I've been on a proper date. A few years ago though I was a couple of stone heavier and got more attention then!

I do know exactly how you feel though. I can be shy too, particularly with people I don't know too well. And not getting chatted up doesn't exactly raise confidence levels

challengemaster

Ok, so, how about you approach guys if they're finding it hard to go after you.

If they don't seem to take you seriously or ask if you're joking, how about being that bit more agressive just to start off, kiss them, then ask again if they think you're joking now?

Being that small bit more agressive when making the first move may just be what you need to do...

Larianne

I've spoken to a few guys and they said they wouldn't approach a girl. Why? Because of the way some women treat them. I've heard stories from guy friends who've had women go ape **** with them when they were just trying to start up a conversation. Not all women are like that I but I guess if you've had a few experiences you're not gonna be quick to try it again.

OP, just relax when out and have fun. Chatting away and smiling makes you very approachable to guys. Having an open body language - relaxed, not stiff or closed off (arms folded) will also help. Say 'Hi' if you see a nice guy. Why not?

G-Money

Aye. Unfortunately when guys see an attractive girl I think they often think she's probably not very nice or even a complete b****h. I think there's a bit of a "reject them before they reject you" mentality. Personally I haven't had any girls losing the plot when I've chatted to them but maybe that's because the amount of girls I've approached in bars in my life can be counted on two hands.

engrish?

Fancy a ride? I'll even hold you after.

Confused Chick wrote: »

Hey everyone,

Is it true that guys are intimidated by slightly more attractive women?

I'm not wanting to sound big headed here, but I'm so fed up of never being chatted up by men. Just sick of being alone. All my mates get chatted up on nights out and I just get stared at. Everyone tells me I'm beautiful and intimidate men. I don't understand this as I'm quite shy and never act like I'm different to any other girls. When I try to to make the first move guys just think I'm joking around and never take me seriously.

Don't men realise there's more to a girl than looks?

Or am I doing something very wrong?

Silverfish

Engrish banned for a week.

Exon

Well most of us 'chat up' girls that are nice.

Nice doesn't mean good looks it just means a nice girl who makes you happy when you're with her.

So make someone happy and comfortable and they'll feel easier around you.

b3t4

Is anyone actually reading the OP's posts?

The girl is making the effort but they don't think she's serious when she does.

I'm not a guy so don't know how you could make your advances be taken more seriously. Perhaps, OP, you could explain how an advance normally plays out? i.e. you say this, he says that. Perhaps then the good people of boards could give you a come back to save it.

Also, I do agree with you. I think this is very much an Irish thing. When I was living abroad I got approached and chatted up a lot more than I ever did in Ireland. Moving abroad isn't an option for you is it?

A

Taltos

Will also admit to being slightly intimidated by my OH when we first met. Seriously thought I was majorly outclassed and at best would only ever be in "friends-zone".

What won me over was her humour and cheerfulness - it is amazing what a great and honest smile can do to you. Breaks down all kinds of barriers.

Nights out in town may not be the best place - been a while since I was out there - but have you tried meeting guys elsewhere - you know through activities, eg kayaking or somesuch - where you spend a day or a few hours messing about, also useful for showing that you do not mind looking slightly messy

The only advice I can give is just be yourself and project a friendly cheerful you. Don't give up though - you will definitely meet someone - just don't settle

Also - in my case I was always oblivious to women being interested in me - and when I say that I mean totally ignorant. Even now my OH has to be totally obvious for me to cotton on - That might be what finally got thru my thick skull.... ie She was Really Obvious - "are you going to kiss me or not?" 15 yrs later still saying Yes

Xiney

If you aren't comfortable with doing the approaching for now, at least work on looking approachable.

If you see a guy who you'd like to get to know better, catch his eye and give him a smile. If he doesn't come over, then you're gonna have to bite the bullet I'm afraid, but it just might work

G-Money

Xiney wrote: »

If you aren't comfortable with doing the approaching for now, at least work on looking approachable.

If you see a guy who you'd like to get to know better, catch his eye and give him a smile. If he doesn't come over, then you're gonna have to bite the bullet I'm afraid, but it just might work

This is good advice OP. Some girls can have very negative body language and just don't seem very approachable. Maybe check to see if you are inadvertantly doing this. I also tried smiling more myself when I was out. It's amazing how much better it makes you feel and lets be honest, who can resist a smile? If you are standing there looking angry with your arms crossed, very few guys are going to approach you.

And to be honest, as a girl, I think you've less to lose even if you get shot down. Guys have to face rejection all the time and while some girls can be polite, others can be complete b****s and go bonkers. I think it's a safe bet that if you approached a guy, there's absolutely no chance of anything like that happening to you. He'll probably be amazed more than anything and even if he has a girlfriend, I'm sure it will make him feel good about himself.

LegacyUser

Wow, all this time I've thought I'm single because I'm ugly whereas now it could also be because I'm beautiful!!

Seriously though, you just need to keep putting yourself out there. Eventually a (lucky) guy will have the balls to ask you out!

legend365

grandmaster wrote: »

If you are standing there looking angry with your arms crossed, very few guys are going to approach you.

.

Which is why doormen do it

Seriosuly i've never come across a girl on a night out with her arms folded :rolleyes:

Just have patience OP. Plenty of guys out there who would leap at the prospect

BumbleB

Yes , a lot of guys find attractive women unapproachable. Also attractive girl = high maintenance + headwrecker. Sorry but a lot of the time that's the way it is.


Last w/e out with my friend and his girlfrend and her friends in athlone. Tried to be friendly to her friends but they were totally stuck up their h**e .

Disillusioned wandered off to the bar where I met an absolutely stunning girl. I just could not believe how together she was .Smart ,funny and sensible .Unbelievable.