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Is my boyfriend stingy?

  • 16-07-2009 6:31pm
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    my boyfriend and i are both students, working part time.
    whenever we're at the till, I either end up paying or he won't be sure that I am paying (i wont be there with my purse in my hand) and he'll put money out and i (stupidly...go easy on me..its in my nature) will say" ah i'll get it"

    and even though he's there with the money in midair and the checkout girl looking at him. he'll stay there suspended without handing the money over. then i realise he really is not paying so i flounder to get the money out.


    I understand this is as much my fault as his but im assuming he's stingy.(opinions please)


    PLUS whenever we go anywhere, he takes 20 euro out of his wallet and leaves his wallet in the car. I end up paying for most stuff but lets say we saw something we'd like to do.....i'd HAVE To pay the extra coz he's not in a position to be financially spontaneous. I feel like he's being inconsiderate here. I don't mind splitting the cost of the extra, i don't want him to pay the extra but i'd like of he could contribute. am i making any sense?


Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 797 ✭✭✭rustynutz


    Yip,he's as tight as a ducks a**e


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,513 ✭✭✭Sleipnir


    Yup, every cent is a prisoner.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,261 ✭✭✭kenon


    my boyfriend and i are both students, working part time.
    whenever we're at the till, I either end up paying or he won't be sure that I am paying (i wont be there with my purse in my hand) and he'll put money out and i (stupidly...go easy on me..its in my nature) will say" ah i'll get it"

    and even though he's there with the money in midair and the checkout girl looking at him. he'll stay there suspended without handing the money over. then i realise he really is not paying so i flounder to get the money out.


    I understand this is as much my fault as his but im assuming he's stingy.(opinions please)


    PLUS whenever we go anywhere, he takes 20 euro out of his wallet and leaves his wallet in the car. I end up paying for most stuff but lets say we saw something we'd like to do.....i'd HAVE To pay the extra coz he's not in a position to be financially spontaneous. I feel like he's being inconsiderate here. I don't mind splitting the cost of the extra, i don't want him to pay the extra but i'd like of he could contribute. am i making any sense?

    I think you know for a fact that he is "stingy".

    You should start leaving your purse in the car and start playing him at his own game for some entertainment...

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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 35,954 ✭✭✭✭Larianne


    Have you spoken to him about it? Seems like you've gotten into a bit of a habit paying for things and he's taking full advantage of it. Next time it happens just say "Eh, where's your money?".


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 497 ✭✭castle


    Do not play him at his own games,that is not you just wise up and dump that hungry idiot.if he is doing this already I can only think how much meaner he will get.Life is to short to deal with this meanest and when you dump him and he asks why you tell him.
    When I was younger and had dates,GFs etc I used to love to get the tabs,taxi fare etc, old fashion but that is how I was brought up,please dump his tight ass


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 911 ✭✭✭994


    castle wrote: »
    Do not play him at his own games,that is not you just wise up and dump that hungry idiot.if he is doing this already I can only think how much meaner he will get.Life is to short to deal with this meanest and when you dump him and he asks why you tell him.
    When I was younger and had dates,GFs etc I used to love to get the tabs,taxi fare etc, old fashion but that is how I was brought up,please dump his tight ass
    ugh. the standard PI response...


  • Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 16,698 Mod ✭✭✭✭Silverfish


    994 if you have an issue with a post report it, do not drag threads off topic.

    If you have nothing to add, then please don't post.

    Thanks.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,145 ✭✭✭SarahSassy


    Unless you are Sir Alan Sugar's daughter, no one can afford to constantly fund anyone else...

    He is taking huge advantage of you and you are letting him.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 129 ✭✭xcarriex


    Hi OP,

    You are foolish, but its ok it can be fixed, i done it too haha, always wanted to ya know pay half of everything etc and then the same thing start happening leaving the wallet at home or i cant find my bank card, then one night in the pub all our mates were there and he said can you gimme money i left my wallet at home, i just said i couldnt afford it, he got a bit stroppy and was like jees you will get it back tomorrow so i pointed out how id need to cut my night short for him, he hasnt done it since,

    Hope you can sort it out!!!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,987 ✭✭✭Auvers


    why dont you just confront him? dont mind these childish "play his game" posts. ye are both adults and it will only get worse the longer you leave it.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,831 ✭✭✭Slow Motion


    Unfortunately OP some people are just like that. Chances are he will not change his behaviour and you will only get more and more wound up by it. My 2c, is he stingy? Yes! What should you do? Walk away!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,850 ✭✭✭Cianos


    If in the beginning you were always offering to pay for things first, he probably kinda just expects that to be the way it is now. It's a good deal for him, so he's probably happy enough to go along with it. He knows he's being stingy, but since you haven't called him up on it yet what's the big deal with letting you pay for one more round of drinks or one more night out at the cinema? He's just trying his luck and mildly taking advantage of your generous nature. So yeah, sort it out.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 15 Sm!ley_face


    In my experience a real gentleman will offer to pay and want to look after and treat you. So yes he's not really living up to that and being a little bit mean. So I'd suggest having it out with him if you are feeling up to a row over it or maybe just say (best girlie voice here) 'I was going to let you treat me this time! line - lol!

    A married friend of mine once said to make sure to enjoy the recruitment phase of a relationship because once you are staff its a whole other ball game - sounds a bit soon for you to be on staff just yet.

    If it were me I'd drop him like a rock :p but then maybe he has other skills that mean you should keep him on a training programme ;)

    Good luck with it (and let us know what happens!)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,324 ✭✭✭Oh The Humanity


    Tell the passenger its time to pay up equally or get off at the next stop!!!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 8,390 ✭✭✭The Big Red Button


    There are some faults that you can live with in a partner, but in my opinion stinginess is not one of them. Ya, you could drop a few hints and he'd probably improve a bit, but is he really worth it? If he's stingy now with the little things, imagine what he'd be like to live with in a few years?

    It would be completely different if you were earning lots of money and he wasn't, and you ended up paying for more than him and he had the grace to be apologetic about it, but that's another situation. If you were one of my friends, I'd be advising you to get out now and find someone who won't take advantage of you!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 173 ✭✭venividivici


    hungry mo'fo..!!

    you need someone who'll treat you nice, buy you nice things, someone who'd buy you the stars if he could.. god i just described myself..lol, lol when you're good you're good!!!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,375 ✭✭✭kmick


    Next time take a tenner out and leave your purse in the car. Also stop being so polite and saying ill get it. When he goes up to pay just leave it alone is it possible for you just to keep your mouth closed?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,062 ✭✭✭all the stars


    Carry lots of change in your purse i.e, ,5, 10, 20, and coins, €2, 1, all that. When ye get the bill - put down exactly 50%.
    He'll either pay the other 50% , or he'll have to ask you to foot at that stage and then thats your lead into the "50/50" conversation.....

    Its a recession, and nobody has much to be chucking around.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    In my experience a real gentleman will offer to pay and want to look after and treat you. So yes he's not really living up to that and being a little bit mean. So I'd suggest having it out with him if you are feeling up to a row over it or maybe just say (best girlie voice here) 'I was going to let you treat me this time! line - lol!

    A married friend of mine once said to make sure to enjoy the recruitment phase of a relationship because once you are staff its a whole other ball game
    you need someone who'll treat you nice, buy you nice things, someone who'd buy you the stars if he could.. god i just described myself..lol, lol when you're good you're good!!!

    There's no doubt this guy is stingy and is deservedly being panned. Leaving his wallet in the car is frankly childish.

    But there's an interesting role reversal here. It's a man here who is looking for freebies. The reverse is far more accepted. Certain women will only ever make an empty token effort to pay or won't even bring money out with them because they're sure they won't be paying for anything. And you see posters here defend such women saying they deserve it because they've made the effort to look nice and dress well and so on. What if the OP's partner made the same (imho weak) argument? It's an unfortunate double-standard.

    People who take advantage of their partners in this way are not worth the time of day no matter what their gender.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Certain women will only ever make an empty token effort to pay or won't even bring money out with them because they're sure they won't be paying for anything. And you see posters here defend such women saying they deserve it because they've made the effort to look nice and dress well and so on. What if the OP's partner made the same (imho weak) argument? It's an unfortunate double-standard

    This is so true. My ex bf and I made a deal - we'd take in turns paying for movies, drinks etc. It worked out very well for us. I have friends who insist that the guy pays for everything, and tbh I think that's equally a problem.

    OP - you should confront him about the situation and suggest you go 50/50 on stuff. If he doesn't change his stingy ways well.... I think you'll know what you have to do! :(


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,612 ✭✭✭Dardania


    my girlfirend and I live together, and whever we get anything, one or the other will pay for it (doesn't matter who) but we keep all the recepits.

    every few days we sit down & and add up the sums (she likes to keep well on top of her monthly expenses), and one of us will transfer half to the others bank account. I thought it was an OTT system when she proposed it, but nearly a year down the line with it it gives a greta sense of fairness.

    Before we lived together, we'd take turns paying for stuff.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 129 ✭✭xcarriex


    Unreggy wrote: »
    There's no doubt this guy is stingy and is deservedly being panned. Leaving his wallet in the car is frankly childish.

    But there's an interesting role reversal here. It's a man here who is looking for freebies. The reverse is far more accepted. Certain women will only ever make an empty token effort to pay or won't even bring money out with them because they're sure they won't be paying for anything. And you see posters here defend such women saying they deserve it because they've made the effort to look nice and dress well and so on. What if the OP's partner made the same (imho weak) argument? It's an unfortunate double-standard.

    People who take advantage of their partners in this way are not worth the time of day no matter what their gender.


    Couldnt agree more with this post, women friggin fought for yrs for equal rights work place etc, it has to apply across the board, its lovely to be treated, but he has feelings to showing up with a bag of goodies and his kinda movie will work wonders!

    Always remember treat others how you expect to be treated people :);)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 5,673 ✭✭✭Miss Fluff


    He sounds like a complete ar$e with very little respect for you. How dare he expect that you pay for him.

    I hear you on being generous/offering to pay but you need to nip that in the bud as well. If he is a mean sponger and you constantly offer to pay for him then it is what he will come to expect.

    Time for a bit of tough love, if he doesn't pay his way (and treat you some of the time too) then I'd get rid tbh.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 697 ✭✭✭chocgirl


    He sounds very tight but is there a genuine reason why he's so careful with his money? Is he saving for something? Have you discussed it with him? Either way you shouldn't be paying for him, just stop.
    Every time it comes to paying go halves and wait for him to pay up, don't be guilted into treating him!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 460 ✭✭legend365


    As people have said, being stingy reflects on a person as a whole.

    He doesn't sound much of a gentleman when taking you out, im sure its the same with everything else.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,724 ✭✭✭Vanbis


    rustynutz wrote: »
    Yip,he's as tight as a ducks a**e

    He's a stingy little mother alright. What happens if say he wants to bring you out somewhere would he ask you for a spare €20? when the bill comes? a sign of the times and whats to come unless you say somthing and to be honest you shouldn't have to say anything, 21st century and all but i would guess most guys would still put their hand in the pocket and nevet think twice about it


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,011 ✭✭✭LimeFruitGum


    If he treats his GF like that, what is he like with his mates? Does he dodge his rounds or gets them in?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    OP here, most of the time we're out with couples and too big a gang to attempt rounds so it's between me and him. I def buy more drinks than him. It just hurts to think he's mean. I guess that translates to the fact he doesn't love me enough to think i'm worth the spend!!!!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 185 ✭✭dblennon


    OP here, most of the time we're out with couples and too big a gang to attempt rounds so it's between me and him. I def buy more drinks than him. It just hurts to think he's mean. I guess that translates to the fact he doesn't love me enough to think i'm worth the spend!!!!

    I wouldn't go that far, unfortuneately it is in his genes, guys see it all the time and they are particularily harsh about it behind thise peoples back.
    I can't imagine a situation where a girl I was with would ever be buying me more drinks (except S&BJ day)

    but also I would never consider buying more or less for a person based on my attraction to them, In general I don't believe guys think like that


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,787 ✭✭✭g5fd6ow0hseima


    what a tight c u n t


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    Leif_Erikson Unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
    Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
    Have a nice day.
    Thaedydal


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,261 ✭✭✭kenon


    OP here, most of the time we're out with couples and too big a gang to attempt rounds so it's between me and him. I def buy more drinks than him. It just hurts to think he's mean. I guess that translates to the fact he doesn't love me enough to think i'm worth the spend!!!!

    You're letting him away with it. He'll probably start to push his luck in other ways soon.

    5/6 a side football

    Coolmine Sports Centre - Wednesdays - 8pm

    PM me for a game

    Thread



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,612 ✭✭✭Dardania


    OP here, most of the time we're out with couples and too big a gang to attempt rounds so it's between me and him. I def buy more drinks than him. It just hurts to think he's mean. I guess that translates to the fact he doesn't love me enough to think i'm worth the spend!!!!

    OP - Have you discussed it with him?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,164 ✭✭✭hobochris


    Unless you live together and you pool your money there is no other conclusion then he is stingy.

    In your shoes, Id either have strong words with him or leave him.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Yup. I finally discussed it with him and he said he refuses to be lectured and humiliated about it to which i replied,"well we've no future then, we can't talk about money then we cant share our lives. poof and be gone"


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,011 ✭✭✭LimeFruitGum


    *hugs* - you did the right thing.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,883 ✭✭✭shellyboo


    Yup. I finally discussed it with him and he said he refuses to be lectured and humiliated about it to which i replied,"well we've no future then, we can't talk about money then we cant share our lives. poof and be gone"


    Wow, go you. You did exactly the right thing... you're dead right, in a relationship you should be able to discuss anything.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,180 ✭✭✭DenMan


    Hi OP

    After reading the thread through you have made the right decision. Well done you. :)

    Nobody likes to be taken advantage of, especially to the extent that it was.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 40 Yddil


    took guts to bring it up & even more to stand by it, fair play OP!!!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,241 ✭✭✭barleybooley


    He does sound a little stingy but maybe it's just in his nature? You could sit down and discuss it with him, he might not even realise he's doing it, like, in his head he might be thinking "I'll just get her back the next time" and then not think of it. It might just be that he's careless in that respect, not considering how it all adds up and what not, some people just don't think in those terms. I can't see how breaking up with him would be best unless he it came out that he was deliberately using you to pay for stuff. Just talk to him about it OP and he should reform and when ye are out the next time tell him to bring enough cash with him and put the reigns on yourself for paying for him!
    Hope ye work through this, it's awful when people fall out over money.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Well dont OP.. if he is not willing to even discuss it with you it shows he dosent give a toss,, good for you,,


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 15 Sm!ley_face


    Yup. I finally discussed it with him and he said he refuses to be lectured and humiliated about it to which i replied,"well we've no future then, we can't talk about money then we cant share our lives. poof and be gone"

    Golden! Excellent decision, millions of nicer blokes out there who won't be total scab bags :rolleyes:


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,189 ✭✭✭drdeadlift


    My eb girl was a bit like that,but she was a student and i was not,

    No excuse for being tight with the moola,hate stingyness


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 12,333 ✭✭✭✭JONJO THE MISER


    I for one like your Boyfriend.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,119 ✭✭✭Wagon


    What a crap thread *hugs*


  • Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 16,698 Mod ✭✭✭✭Silverfish


    I for one like your Boyfriend.

    Please read the charter before posting.

    Off-topic or unhelpful posting can earn you a ban from this forum.

    Thanks.


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