Confused after one-night stand

LegacyUser

This is going to sound so trivial so apologies in advance.

Last weekend, I was out with friends and at the end of the night I got talking to a guy. I liked him, we kissed, I gave him my number. I wish it ended there but it didn't. My friends were buzzing around looking for parties and they came over to us and asked him. Turned out his mates were having a bit of a party so we all decided to head back there.

Within I'd say 10 mins of getting back to the house, me and the guy were in bed together. I've never done that with a guy I don't know well, let alone a guy I'd literally just met. We ended up not actually having full sex because, eh, it wouldn't go in so I just told him to stop, embarrassing I know. But we may as well have.

Spent a while talking to the guy after, we got on well enough but I wasn't very chatty. He told me he'd text/ring me but of course I haven't heard from him.

Next day I felt pretty crappy about the whole thing but I thought I'd forget about it quickly. But I can't really talk to anyone about it. I keep thinking about it more and more and feeling worse and it's starting to get to me. But there's nothing I can do now is there?

BankMan

Some people really aren't emotionally set up for one night stands (myself included - and I'm a bloke). Back in the day, I remember feeling really down the morning after - a sort of empty feeling.

Don't be too hard on yourself. We all do things we wish we hadn't done - it's all part of being human. I often wonder about people who say they have no regrets - how the hell did they manage that !? Best of luck

r3nu4l

Yup, I'm another bloke who was never into them, did it once, enjoyed the night a lot but next day and weeks after while part of me was excited by what had happened, over all I felt I was missing something and needed closure on it. In the end I decided to just chalk it up to experience and learn from it. That's about all you can do. You've now been there, done that and bought the T-shirt, next time just admire the T-shirt instead of purchasing it Don't beat yourself up about it, we all make mistakes. So long as he was using a condom (even though he didn't get in fully), you should be okay.

Beetlebum

I understand how you feel OP but don't be too hard yourself.
You now know that you aren't cut out for one night stands. I'm not a fan of them either.

I had my first one night stand about 2 years ago and in the morning as the guy was getting dressed he took 100 euro out of his pocket and handed it to me. I was shocked and said 'I'm not a hooker!!!!' and he said oh I know, I just wanted to give you something. I asked him firmly to leave and he did but he kept trying to give me money! Count yourself lucky OP!!

SarahSassy

Beetlebum wrote: »

I had my first one night stand about 2 years ago and in the morning as the guy was getting dressed he took 100 euro out of his pocket and handed it to me. I was shocked and said 'I'm not a hooker!!!!' and he said oh I know, I just wanted to give you something. I asked him firmly to leave and he did but he kept trying to give me money! Count yourself lucky OP!!

OH my God :eek: I would have taken it off him and torn it up in front of his face. What a pig.

Wagon

I know the feeling. Not a fan of them myself (and again, another bloke talking here).

but feck it. Live and learn, and now you've learned you dont like them and that's fine. don't go beating yourself up over it

horsebox1977

"We ended up not actually having full sex because, eh, it wouldn't go in so I just told him to stop, embarrassing I know. But we may as well have."

Id say the chap was mortified that he couldnt perform and didnt call you cause he was embarrassed...IMO

LegacyUser

If you couldn't get in - you were not turned on enough. He is probably embarrassed too.

Beetlebum

SarahSassy wrote: »

OH my God :eek: I would have taken it off him and torn it up in front of his face. What a pig.

I know...it was awkward enough the morning after without him throwing cash at me! I was asking my guy friends why they thought he did it...like did they think he actually thought I was a prostitue. Most of them thought that the guy probably went to hookers quite often so it was force of habit!
Eeewww...never again!!

SarahSassy

Beetlebum wrote: »

I know...it was awkward enough the morning after without him throwing cash at me! I was asking my guy friends why they thought he did it...like did they think he actually thought I was a prostitue. Most of them thought that the guy probably went to hookers quite often so it was force of habit!
Eeewww...never again!!

I am truly shocked.

OP, you did nothing wrong. Take it or leave it going forward. If you meet someone you want to have a one night with then do but as others have said, i am not that pushed about them.

Eve_Dublin

Beetlebum wrote: »

I understand how you feel OP but don't be too hard yourself.
You now know that you aren't cut out for one night stands. I'm not a fan of them either.

I had my first one night stand about 2 years ago and in the morning as the guy was getting dressed he took 100 euro out of his pocket and handed it to me. I was shocked and said 'I'm not a hooker!!!!' and he said oh I know, I just wanted to give you something. I asked him firmly to leave and he did but he kept trying to give me money! Count yourself lucky OP!!

You're not serious???? Oh my God what a f*cker! Wow.

Anyway, I've been where you've been OP...one night stands just don't do it for me anymore and probably never did. If I got on with the guy I'd be hoping for more but nothing ever materialised. I felt cheap, lonely and empty and that awkward feeling the next day when you've nothing to say to the person....ugh...not worth it for a crap ride (sorry to be so crass!).

Don't worry about it...as other posters said, you live and learn and now you know one night stand aren't your bag. No harm done.

Miss Fluff

Have never been a fan of one night stands, I think if people are honest anyone who has ever had one will agree with that feeling of feeling cheap/sh1tty about themselves.

Chalk it down to something you did in a moment of madness and that you don't want to repeat. And tbh just be thankful he couldn't get it up - you can convince yourself that "technically" it wasn't a one-night-stand because the deed wasn't done.

Lux23

Miss Fluff wrote: »

Have never been a fan of one night stands, I think if people are honest anyone who has ever had one will agree with that feeling of feeling cheap/sh1tty about themselves.

No I don't agree with that all. Some people may feel like that but I assume most people are mature enough to realise that giving into normal human urges does not make them cheap.

OP - Obviously one nights stands are not for you and it was probably a moment of madness, don't worry about and move on. Next time finish up with the kiss and get his number, don't get yourself into an akward situation like this. Plus I reckon he is probably mortified after what happened himself.

Eve_Dublin

Lux23 wrote: »

No I don't agree with that all. Some people may feel like that but I assume most people are mature enough to realise that giving into normal human urges does not make them cheap.

OP - Obviously one nights stands are not for you and it was probably a moment of madness, don't worry about and move on. Next time finish up with the kiss and get his number, don't get yourself into an akward situation like this. Plus I reckon he is probably mortified after what happened himself.

No, I would agree...it doesn't MAKE them cheap at all...absolutely nothing WRONG with a one night stand if you can handle it but I still got that empty, self-loathing feeling the next day, even if I knew I was just giving into a natural urge...pretty inexplicable but it's how they make some people feel sometimes.

I think the danger lies in wanting something more with the person, when you're vulnerable and looking for human contact or having one night stands to fill a void in your life (loneliness?). If you're happy being single and can distance yourself from that person emotionally so the sex is purely physical, then there's no problem.

I get the impression the OP was hoping for something more and that's why she's feeling a bit down about it all.

Wagon

Lux23 wrote: »

No I don't agree with that all. Some people may feel like that but I assume most people are mature enough to realise that giving into normal human urges does not make them cheap.

Some like one nighters, others don't. It's got nothing to do with maturity.

LegacyUser

Thanks everyone for the replies, appreciate it.

I think I was feeling bad cause I did like the guy and it all just happened pretty fast, then I kinda felt like I ruined my chances. But you live and learn I suppose