Help ASAP! - Domestic Violence celebral palsy

LegacyUser

Must go anonymous on this one.

Over the past few days I have being asked for help by my friends parents (mid 50's) who are sadly the subject of domestic violence/bullying by their only other son who has cerebral palsy.

My friend moved to Boston (permanently) a number of years ago with his now fiance. Up until this time he had resided in the family home with his parents and only brother (Y) who though in his mid 20's has the intellectual capacity of a child or early teen but equally is very clever in some ways. Difficult to explain!

It has now sadly come to light that since my friends departure that a growing case of domestic violence has being experienced by his parents to a situation where they now life in fear of his big man who dictates how they largely live their lives. Having discovered this, I wonder has anyone any advice/experience that they would be able to provide to me so as I can answer their plea for help.

Please help!

I should flag that my friend is aware of the facts but is unable for a variety of complex reasons to return.

foxinsox

Sounds like a sad situation for all involved..

I would suggest contacting Enable Ireland and if you explain the situation I'm sure they would put you on to someone who can help or at least come up with some options/suggestions.

LadyJ

Call the HSE and they will investigate the matter and hopefully take action of some kind. Also, if you are able to speak to the parents about this, maybe suggest respite care for their son.

LadyMayBelle

Again i would contact the relevant body, if you know he receives support form an organisation such as Enable Ireland or the IWA, or alternatively the local HSE office. I sense a huge amount of underlying issues in this one and fair play to you for wanting to take some action.

LegacyUser

Thanks Folks, your help is much appreciated.
Something of concern here is that it's all well and good for me to recommend approaching the concerned institutions but as soon as the son finds out; we'll firstly he won't co-operate and secondly, the parents will incur the DV consequences.

Potentially what kind of help can such organisations bring to the table?
Does anyone have any experience of such an issue?
Can I ask how recite care worls please?

I really just want to bring all the information to the table for the parents.

Thanks Again!

Nevyn

Respite care, gives the carers a break wiht the person needing care being taken to someone else home or cared for in a home for a while. It also sounds like the son needs help with his lack of emotional control and that can be worked on as well once it is raised.

LegacyUser

sorry i am a little confused, your friends parents only son who has a brother?
Might want to correct the typo, bit strange.

CDfm

There are a number of organisations that deal with domestic violence but this is really a case for the HSE if he is classed as "handicapped" etc. If he is their client they have a duty to act.

Lets tease out the issue here that your friends parents took care of their vson with emotioinal and developmental problems and that he has now turned violent. You dont say what level of care he actually needs or how functional he is -for example does he work and is he capable of living on his own.

Depending on how independent he is -legally they can get him removed from the home with a barring order or get a safety or protection order under the Domestic Violence Acts but you dont say if he understands any of that. So what level of physical and mental handicap does he have?

Has he attended or is he attending any form of Training Institution or is he getting any type of benefit because he should have a case worker.Is he on medication or under the care of a Doctor.If so they should notify the case workers/doctors of the changes in behavior and their fears.

Failing that they should contact one of the community based groups such as St Michaels House or Sunbeam House. They might be able to give some assistance of who to go to.

http://www.smh.ie/index.php?s=welcome&id=34&c=contact

http://www.sunbeam.ie/contact/

If you/they are finding difficulty getting assistance thru the normal channels you can contact the Gardai. They have domestic violence officers and would be able to advise them of what they can do and if their is a Health Services issue act.Its not common but not unheard of for a person to be taken into care if they have become violent and for the HSE/Gardai to initiate the process.

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

sorry i am a little confused, your friends parents only son who has a brother?
Might want to correct the typo, bit strange.

Please kindly re-read. 'Up until this time he(being my friend) had resided in the family home with his parents and only brother (Y)'.

LegacyUser

CDfm wrote: »

There are a number of organisations that deal with domestic violence but this is really a case for the HSE if he is classed as "handicapped" etc. If he is their client they have a duty to act.

Lets tease out the issue here that your friends parents took care of their vson with emotioinal and developmental problems and that he has now turned violent. You dont say what level of care he actually needs or how functional he is -for example does he work and is he capable of living on his own.

Depending on how independent he is -legally they can get him removed from the home with a barring order or get a safety or protection order under the Domestic Violence Acts but you dont say if he understands any of that. So what level of physical and mental handicap does he have?

Has he attended or is he attending any form of Training Institution or is he getting any type of benefit because he should have a case worker.Is he on medication or under the care of a Doctor.If so they should notify the case workers/doctors of the changes in behavior and their fears.

Failing that they should contact one of the community based groups such as St Michaels House or Sunbeam House. They might be able to give some assistance of who to go to.

http://www.smh.ie/index.php?s=welcome&id=34&c=contact

http://www.sunbeam.ie/contact/

If you/they are finding difficulty getting assistance thru the normal channels you can contact the Gardai. They have domestic violence officers and would be able to advise them of what they can do and if their is a Health Services issue act.Its not common but not unheard of for a person to be taken into care if they have become violent and for the HSE/Gardai to initiate the process.

Many thanks again folks for your very helpful responses.

CDfm, all good questions and I'll find out the answers.

Need to clarify but in short, he is on medication, went to a 'special' school, was in receipt of a small benefit for work, has attended a psychiatrist. Am, feeling is he is not capable of living on his own - would know a 5c from a euro or can'r read time but is very clever in another way for instance he can put on a show with relations or professionals are around.

CDfm

Unregistered wrote: »

Many thanks again folks for your very helpful responses.

CDfm, all good questions and I'll find out the answers.

Need to clarify but in short, he is on medication, went to a 'special' school, was in receipt of a small benefit for work, has attended a psychiatrist. Am, feeling is he is not capable of living on his own - would know a 5c from a euro or can'r read time but is very clever in another way for instance he can put on a show with relations or professionals are around.

Best of luck with it and pm me if you are having difficulty getting information and I will see if I can find out anything.

Thaeds idea of respite care is very good and nowdays residential often means semi independent or supervised living in the community. We have come a long way.

The other thing to bear in mind is that the handicapped do get fraustrated and perhaps the parents can no longer provide for his social needs due to age etc and its that time for them to let go.So its not nesscessarily his fault.

LegacyUser

maybe even if you know the family doctor you could have a word with him/her and they could put you in touch of some specialized help.

Its a sad situation. Hopefully it turns out ok

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

Please kindly re-read. 'Up until this time he(being my friend) had resided in the family home with his parents and only brother (Y)'.

Sorry my bad just wanted to clarify, reread and my mistake! IA lot of it would depend on the type of cerebral palsy he has as well, and how it affects him. The parents safety are the most important thing at this stage. His parents aren't going to be around forever so it might be worth trying to point that out and try and work out what is going to happen after, and try and get him independent.

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

Sorry my bad just wanted to clarify, reread and my mistake! IA lot of it would depend on the type of cerebral palsy he has as well, and how it affects him. The parents safety are the most important thing at this stage. His parents aren't going to be around forever so it might be worth trying to point that out and try and work out what is going to happen after, and try and get him independent.

Thanks again folks - much appreciated!

If anyone has any further thoughts I would be delighted to hear of them

rabalder

Hello,
Firstly does your friends family have a social worker? If not get in contact with the intellectual disability service provider in the area ( I dont know what area you are living in to put you in the right direction). However, if they do have a social worker or a community intellectual disability nurse, they should contact them asap, to highlight their current difficulties that they have with the home situation. From that, they can try to work out a plan of action.
Other posters have suggested respite, however in the current climate, most service providers are not providing any new respite places for new service users (blame the governments health cut backs on service providers budgets).
I will suggest something, some people may disagree with this, but as a healthcare worker and having some understanding of how these things work, tell the parents to shout loud and make a big fuss of their troubles! The saying he who shouts the loudest has some truth to it when working and dealing with the HSE.
Also there could be a carers support group in the local area, this can give support and information for carers and an outlet for meeting other carers.
Its hard to give any more suggestions here, when I do not have a bigger picture of the situation.
If you like you can IM me, i'll try to do my best with information for you.
I see this situation way too often, its frustrating when services are so badly needed when so many families are strugling at home trying to look after their sons or daughters.

Liber8or

Erm, Domestic Abuse is Abuse. It should not matter that the son has (CP), the Guards should be contacted and brought in to the situation. From there, they can liaise with the various Health Board institutions and work out the best possible solution.

If you report this to the Guards they can then, in turn, speak with the correct organisations and prepare a possible solution to the situation. If he resists, well the Guards will be there to resolve that. However, standing idly by and attempting to solve this because you have to take into consideration the son's disability is ridiculous. Call the Guards, tell them what you know is going on and they will take over or give you the best course of action.

If it was the other way round, you can be sure the Guards would have been called months ago!

LadyJ

Liber8or wrote: »

Erm, Domestic Abuse is Abuse. It should not matter that the son has (CP), the Guards should be contacted and brought in to the situation. From there, they can liaise with the various Health Board institutions and work out the best possible solution.

If you report this to the Guards they can then, in turn, speak with the correct organisations and prepare a possible solution to the situation. If he resists, well the Guards will be there to resolve that. However, standing idly by and attempting to solve this because you have to take into consideration the son's disability is ridiculous. Call the Guards, tell them what you know is going on and they will take over or give you the best course of action.

If it was the other way round, you can be sure the Guards would have been called months ago!

I could be wrong (because I've only studied a tiny bit of law and most of it was family law so it kind of all blends in together for me) but I think, under the Domestic Violence Act, it is more difficult to actually have the son removed from the home because he would be classed as a dependant. However, the HSE will probably still be able to recommend the best course of action.

I worked in a residential home for adults with intellectual disabilities who present what we call "challenging behaviour" and a lot of them have made such amazing progress since they arrived. There are many places like this where trained social care workers and nurses who are qualified to deal with violent and aggressive behaviour can care for someone like this man and possibly even bring about serious changes.

I'm sure that the HSE will probably be able to sort something out for the parents and advise them about the best care options.

dudara

I think that you really should follow up on this. As he has CP, he does not have the same level of emotional development or restraint that most of us take for granted.

I personally know of one very tragic incident involving a special needs son and his father. He needs to be in an environment that can support and control him.

CDfm

dudara wrote: »

I think that you really should follow up on this. As he has CP, he does not have the same level of emotional development or restraint that most of us take for granted.

I personally know of one very tragic incident involving a special needs son and his father. He needs to be in an environment that can support and control him.

I am really surprised too. The first port of call should be the GP and training institute.

The GP should notify the HSE as a matter of course and should be asked to do so.

I am surprised about the lack of social worker involvement too.

CDfm

LadyJ wrote: »

I could be wrong (because I've only studied a tiny bit of law and most of it was family law so it kind of all blends in together for me) but I think, under the Domestic Violence Act... the HSE will probably still be able to recommend the best course of action.

My understanding is that the HSE have the power to act under the Domestic Violence Act . There would be some reluctance as there would be under the Mental Health Act if that was an issue. There really needs to be active social worker involvement.

I have great sympathy for everyone here because on the one hand the family want to take care of him and are having difficulty and on the other hand you have the guy himself who has probably become more aware of his situation and is fraustrated by it.