OH is self conscious

LegacyUser

We've not been together long, I don't know what to do. She accepts compliments but she doesn't usually believe them.

I try to compliment her as much as needed but she's always bashful about it and shy but, she's actually body conscious. She doesn't take off her jacket at times, she doesn't like her arms. That's how bad it is

What can I do to make her feel happy about herself?

Oh The Humanity

You cant do anything.

A persons self image is an inner thing they have within themselves. Nothing you say will make a difference and you will only exhaust yourself trying to 'reassure her' -in fact by feeding into it you will actually make the problem worse.

I know you mean well but its up to her to start seeing herself differently. You can't do it for her. In fact the more you try to compliment her the more she will rebel/resist against you.

People with a negative self image often have a negative narritive running in their heads all the time. If you try to interrupt the flow with a contrary statement they will correct you with their own perception spoken out loud and wont back down.

Most women are riddled with this all the time. Thats why men end up avoiding the 'does my bum look big in this' conversations or any conversations about looks altogether.

Its a thankless task trying to reasssure/compliment someone who is determined to disagree with you.

Wurly

Oh The Humanity wrote: »

You cant do anything.

A persons self image is an inner thing they have within themselves. Nothing you say will make a difference and you will only exhaust yourself trying to 'reassure her' -in fact by feeding into it you will actually make the problem worse.

I know you mean well but its up to her to start seeing herself differently. You can't do it for her. In fact the more you try to compliment her the more she will rebel/resist against you.

People with a negative self image often have a negative narritive running in their heads all the time. If you try to interrupt the flow with a contrary statement they will correct you with their own perception spoken out loud and wont back down.

Most women are riddled with this all the time. Thats why men end up avoiding the 'does my bum look big in this' conversations or any conversations about looks altogether.

Its a thankless task trying to reasssure/compliment someone who is determined to disagree with you.

+1.

It is up to her to fix this. Try encouraging her to do that instead. And assure her of your support. Good luck.

aidom

Although there's nothing you can really do to change how she feels about herself having someone tell you that you're beautiful all the time certainly doesn't hurt.

I'm not the most confident of people but after hearing my boyfriend tell me everyday for a almost a year that I'm gorgeous it becomes easier to believe.

Keep giving her compliments and eventually she might start to believe them too. Just don't force the issue. Give her plenty of time.

LegacyUser

Whoops, nearly posted while logged in!

Thanks people. I know she doesn't get offended or anything, she likes me complimenting her. I guess she'll hopefully improve, but the compliments from me won't stop!

Taltos

Unregistered wrote: »

Whoops, nearly posted while logged in!

Thanks people. I know she doesn't get offended or anything, she likes me complimenting her. I guess she'll hopefully improve, but the compliments from me won't stop!

+1
15 yrs and I am still complimenting my OH.
Sometimes she will admit she should accept them - but most times I get the reaction described by OTH...

Don't give up - just ensure that you are honest and not just giving false flattery. I am sure one day it will sink in - until then and beyond I stand to be corrected...

VaioCruiser

Unregistered wrote: »

Whoops, nearly posted while logged in!

Thanks people. I know she doesn't get offended or anything, she likes me complimenting her. I guess she'll hopefully improve, but the compliments from me won't stop!

Well said OP.

The thing is also to be gentle and steady about the compliments. Don't overdo it or it will just make her cynical. Quiet and regular compliments and reassurance over the long term I think is the only hope. Also try to help her tackle the source of her problem as well as encouraging her to dress to her strengths. Sometimes girls have a fixed, set style that really does not suit their strengths and only reinforces their self consciousness.

All the best