What to do when the one you love wants to be alone?

LegacyUser

Hi all,

No idea what to do, any advice would be appreciated.

My OH of two years decided recently that he doesn't want a relationship anymore and just wants to be on his own? I love this man dearly and am deeply deeply hurt, no matter what I say he won't change his mind. We had some rocky patches this year as was very stressful time for us both but i thought everything was back on track and this announcement came out of the blue. What can i do to change his mind?

smileysurfer

I feel your pain, Im going through something extremely similar and its the hardest thing iv even had to go through!! No what matter I said he just needed time, so hopefully if you give him this time to sort himself out then it might work out in the end for you, for the moment just give him space. Didnt work out for us but hopefully you'l have better luck

Latchy

Coming at it from a male perspective it might be that he realises he cant give the time and commitment to the relationship and may be worried about any expectations you might have .By wanting to be alone he is , as other poster said , giving himself the time and space he needs to sort his life out .

Tar.Aldarion

Unfortunately there is nothing you can do, and it is not the most pleasant feeling ever. Hope you can work it out in time...from my experience anyway, it doesn't look so good.

LegacyUser

wow, i'm in exactly the same position (I posted my problem yesterday a few threads down). I completely feel your pain. I'm devastated and wish more than anything that I could turn back the clock and fix what went wrong, if I ever figure that out. I know it's tough but as people keep telling me, time heals all wounds. My OH knows I still love him and want him more than anything but I'm respecting his decision and leaving him alone, completely. It's undoubtedly the hardest thing I've ever been through but life must go on, be strong OP

LegacyUser

OP first of all I'm sorry for your situation and lots of people are down in the dumps with the economic situation and whatever.

Do you know why he feels this way and what the reasons are.

It is better to create space and my instinct is that you should defer any decision until after the working week and have a discussion over the weekend.

puglover

May be harsh but in my experience, that I don't want a relationship line, usually means I don't want a relationship with you. It eases their guilt by softening the blow.

IMO it does more damage though, obviously you are hear thinking/hoping there is a chance of reconciliation.

I'd give you the same advice I'd give to anyone after a break up. Cut contact and try move on

LegacyUser

OP here, thanks for the words of wisdom and support.

I have tried to discuss his reasons with him and he's not being very forthcoming but some of the things he mentioned are, we are too young to settle down (both 21) i never even mentioned that to him before, i was just happy going with the flow, never put any pressure on him to commit to anything in the future, hes working for the summer in a highly pressurised environment and i think hes finding it tough, i was also suffering from depression this year and he told me he blames himself (i dont agree) and that in that regard we are bad for each other and that we are only stopping each other from progressing in our careers once we finish college... i dont get it really none of those things we an issue before, he literally decided in a day that he wanted to be on his own. I've tried pleading, being angry, ignoring and acting normal with him and all he wants is to be my friend?

thefeatheredcat

TBH and trying not to be too harsh, you're both 21 in a relationship since 19, sounds like a case of wanting to sew his oats?

It's not a matter of 'changing his mind' you're both young and the worlds' your oyster;

I think that you should respect yourself a bit more and quit the pleading, and other things. That will just leave a negative lasting impression and could an extra reason for him to end it.

If he wants to go, go. You might find yourself better off, and so might he. But he could just as well be missing the jewel in the crown.

Either way, be on good terms. Respect the decision, and don't spill any tears over. There's plenty more decent fellas out there!

Lia_lia

Wow, I am in exactly the same position too. He dumped me 5 days because he also wants to be alone. And I thought nothing was wrong. I know this is going to sound bad but just try and leave him be alone for now. Cut off all contact for at least 2 weeks. Maybe he just wants time to think. Give him (and yourself) time and then after a while you he may miss you. Telling him you miss him and all that will just drive him further away. I know it's hard. i'm going through it right now! Not coping very well. But trying to remain dignified at least. x