Seeing someone who still is on dating site!

LegacyUser

Going unreg for this...

Met someone on line, all good going out several weeks now. Both want to make a go of this etc.

However on niggle at the back of my mind. I closed off my account within a few days of meeting but the other person has continued to log on at intervals to date... (yes I checked!!!) It is not my style to be uncool and mention this outright to the other person.

So messaging and flirting online, and doing so when your dating someone in real life? Guys whats the deal here?

Nevyn

If you have not had a dicussion about dating exclusively do not assume that the other person will do this just because it is how you do things.

You need to have a talk with them about not dating anyone else.

zeslim

Have you two decided to be exclusive? Just because you've been dating someone for a few weeks doesn't necessarily mean that a relationship will develop out of it. I can understand that if you like this person, it would bother you to think that they might still be chatting online to other people. However, until the relationship develops further, I don't think you should worry about it too much. For now, just focus on getting to know them and exploring the potential for romance.

dollybird09

you cant check up on them... you need to just trust them and assume that once you agree to be exclusive that he wont log on anymore...

alternatively, which website is it and what's his user name... I'll go flirt and see if he's up for flirting back!! hee hee

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

Going unreg for this...

Met someone on line, all good going out several weeks now. Both want to make a go of this etc.

However on niggle at the back of my mind. I closed off my account within a few days of meeting but the other person has continued to log on at intervals to date... (yes I checked!!!) It is not my style to be uncool and mention this outright to the other person.

So messaging and flirting online, and doing so when your dating someone in real life? Guys whats the deal here?

May be just friendly chat and banter..he may have made a few virtual friends??

Plus those sites can at times be addictive..doesn't mean he's up to ought....leave it a few weeks..if all is stillgoing great then perhaps ask him is he still online saying you quit ages ago..dont say you've seen him online though...in the meantime trust him, relax and enjoy...worrying / freting will do no good...

LegacyUser

OP here again.

I should have clarified further the other person did ask me two weeks ago to be exclusive and that we were BF/GF etc. So....

SarahSassy

OK well its time to ask him why he is still on it? The problem is he is only going to turn round and say that it is to stay in touch with friends....

This is a toughie...

Karen_*

We all have our list of regular sites that we visit and he's probably just doing this out of habit and to check messages if he's got email notifications. I wouldn't read too much into it at all but probably for your own peace of mind just delete the site and never check it again.

LegacyUser

Yep SarahSassy that is exactly what would be said...

So I suppose only time will tell me what I need to know!

I would not be niggled but the other person is the one who asked for exclusivity etc so I went for it and have respected exclusivity.

pog it

Well a key thing for me -apart from his logging on- is, is he adding new friends that you can see from the site? And also, how often is he going on to the site?

SarahSassy

I'd be getting back on the site if I were you. Make sure he knows you are on and see if he has any issue with you being on it. If he is being innocent then he wil hardly mind if you are on it.

LegacyUser

Just a word to the wise from someone who has been there....

I met a guy two years ago on a dating site, it was my first time on it and he was about the 3rd person I met for a date. Well there was a lot of chemistry and we started to go out the following week. We were both 36 and he said that he wanted to marry me pretty much a month into the relationship at this stage we were seeing each other every day. He mad a big deal about deactivating my profile and did his in front of me. No issues with that as we were committed and from the moment i met him I was never on the site anyway. About two wks into dating I met his parents and we were living at each others places.

Fast forward 2 years .... and about 6 months ago I found out that he has always been on these site! only worse he is on innocent onces such zoosk, but also adult themed ones also. One one account alone I saw that he had 86 pages of flirts to women (with an average of 8 women on every page = maybe 700 women????) he also had 252 contacts on another MSN address that i didnt know about. Needless to say he first told me i was imagining this - but no it is all true. Anyhow we tried to get over it but we have seperated now.

One of the worst things is that I paid a fortune for a top of the range pool table for him our first xmas together .... and one of the first messages I came accross was a flirt to a girl he was calling sexy on new years day!!!! Also we went on a 5* trip to LA last year with first class flights and the works....it was meant to be the trip we should ahve been engaged on....but oh no....and it was on this trip in vegas that i made the discovery of his dirty little secret. While I was organising the trip the night before and making plans he was flirting online with about 10 lovely innocent women!!!!!

one other thing....what is it about guys on these sites and women senidng them naked pictures???? Last night I decided to check his email account to see if his behavious was still continuing (I know I shouldn't have) and one girl ...not pretty, not slim, not a patch on me in my opinion not that it matters I suppose, had sent 7 pictures of her naked to him!!!! I mean who would do that??? and why????

anyway just a word to the wise.... i really wouldnt want you to go through what I have been through for the last 6 months trying to get over this mess.

pog it

my god. that's rough. you poor thing. Hope you're able to make the break from him- you will feel better if you don't see these things in his email etc.. he sounds VERY insecure.

I know you're saying to the OP to be careful, and that is your message to her.

I also think that this OP is naive and is trying too hard to please her boyfriend and not resolving her own issues with him as a result and that is negative in the long run. Telling her to relax and go with the flow is only going to help to an extent.

This guy needs to reassure her which he isn't doing at the moment.

I'lllearnye

You must be having a few doubts about him otherwise why would you have checked? It's no sin to be worrying at the start of a relationship....everybody has these niggling thoughts, only natural. With that in mind, you should talk to him about it, say that you were feeling a bit uncertain about some things and you checked the website and saw he's still logging on. That way it's all out in the open, the two of you can have a chat about it, and you needn't feel guilty for checking. You're only human for godsakes!

LegacyUser

I was going out with some one for a whole year before I found out about his online persona. I should have known earlier. Around a month into us going out we had a stupid fight and he lost the rag over something small. We made up very quickly though but he left the room and got a text. I read the text. I know I shouldn't have. It was from some girl sending naked photos!!! My heart nearly went through the floor. I'm so stupid to have continued with him thinking he was the nice person I thought he was. He so wasn't. Nearly a year later I was on his laptop when an instant message popped up looking for 'a quickie...... I'm in Dublin for one night only...... it was great last time we met.......'

WTF????? He'd been meeting up with girls from the internet all the way through our relationship having casual sex with them. I'm disgusted when I think of all of the lies he told me, that he probably slept with me on the same day as meeting these women.

I was heart broken when we broke up because I'd lost the 'nice' boyfriend that I'd loved dearly. It took me two years to get over him. I regret to say though that I recently met him and one thing led to another..... only to find out two days later that he's dating a colleage of his. SCUM!!!! I feel like placing an ad on the national newspapers warning the good women of Ireland of how low and deceiving that man could be.....

So PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE BEWARE and don't be fooled. It could be a very rough road if you don't keep your eyes and ears open.

anucksunamun

I met my fiance online five years ago, I love him more than anything or anyone on this earth, and we would do absolutely anything for each other, so not all online meet ups are doomed to failure
If you find his behaviour unacceptable ie still being on this site, its ultimatum time hun. If you explain how it makes you feel etc, and he still insists... well there are plenty more fish (surfing) in the sea!

SarahSassy

Unregistered wrote: »

I regret to say though that I recently met him and one thing led to another..... only to find out two days later that he's dating a colleage of his. SCUM!!!!

Well now - HELLO!?!?!?!? Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me....

Liam Byrne

I've an account on one of those, but it's not for "looking" or "dating" - I'll just check it the odd time and I'll be polite and saying "Hi" back to anyone who says hi to me on it.

MadgeBadge

I'd forget it. If he's online chatting to other people when he should be in the height of his infatuation for you I'd say there's a certain lack of enthusiasm for what you've got going on.

I know when I start seeing someone, and I'm really excited about the whole thing it's like everyone else drops off the side of the planet for a little while, and I don't want anything less than the same. Do you?

Liam Byrne

I've also noticed that a few of those sites send notifications that "you've found someone to flirt with" at times that you're not online.....presume it's their advertising method, but it could land someone in hot water!

LegacyUser

MadgeBadge wrote: »

I'd forget it. If he's online chatting to other people when he should be in the height of his infatuation for you I'd say there's a certain lack of enthusiasm for what you've got going on.

I know when I start seeing someone, and I'm really excited about the whole thing it's like everyone else drops off the side of the planet for a little while, and I don't want anything less than the same. Do you?

yeah OP here again, I am I guess quite straight foreward and if I am into them I see my friends etc. but I am well into that person alone.

However, I did ask two days after my original question on here if he was sure he wanted to be exclusive and BF/GF etc. or was he still looking. I did not mention that I knew he was visiting the site at all. He texted me the next day and said he deleted himself of the site and closed his account. Alas that is not true and he has indeed still got the account and has visited twice since that I know of.

Further there are other issues because he has had alot of girlfriends and made me feel insecure regarding comments made about stuff going on whilst on 'the lads nite out'. I am cool with going out with friends but I feel he likes to make me feel insecure with all the ladies hitting on him and he is so spoilt for choice etc. oh the vanity!

So given all this I am going to say at the weekend that while I am very into him my instinct tells me that he is not ready for exclusive relationship ie BF/GF in the normal sense of the term and that well he needs to be that for me or call it a day.

I would rather go through the emotional pain of this now than later.

Anyway thanks for the insightful answers posted on here.

i meet someone on a dating site he is wonderful we have a great relationship im very lucky ....but yes a lot of men on dating sites ( and some women im sure ) are dating multiple people at the same time its a complex issue....a lot of its to do with the nature of dating sites its very easy to message/meet/flirt with someone in a way that don't happen out side cyberspace...some of its to do with the buzz they get form it ..

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

I did not mention that I knew he was visiting the site at all. He texted me the next day and said he deleted himself of the site and closed his account. Alas that is not true and he has indeed still got the account and has visited twice since that I know of.

Well if he cant be honest about this and has told you a blatant lie at this early stage how can you trust anything he says...

I know I would have a huge issue with this mainly cos he lied rather than because he was still online.

Liam Byrne

I date wrote: »

I know I would have a huge issue with this mainly cos he lied rather than because he was still online.

+1 from here on that angle.

blogga

Unregistered wrote: »

Going unreg for this...

Met someone on line, all good going out several weeks now. Both want to make a go of this etc.

However on niggle at the back of my mind. I closed off my account within a few days of meeting but the other person has continued to log on at intervals to date... (yes I checked!!!) It is not my style to be uncool and mention this outright to the other person.

So messaging and flirting online, and doing so when your dating someone in real life? Guys whats the deal here?

You havent closed the deal. He reckons he'll do better. It is that simple.

Firetrap

That he lied about closing the account is the clincher. If he can't be trusted on this, what else can he not be trusted on?