Not sure how to handle this

LegacyUser

Looking for a bit of perspective on this so any feedback is welcome Also sorry about the long post.

Was at Oxegen at the weekend and had a great time Friday, Saturday and Sunday afternoon. Me and my GF (after drinking for a good while now) decide to head over to the arena with the guys who were camping beside us (just met them that weekend, they were all girls). On the way down to the arena half of us stop to get something to eat and the others head to the arena (I was in one half the GF in the other). All this happens between about 5 and 6. After having the craic for a while I decide not to delay any longer and head in to find my GF. Try ringing her, texting etc but it is obvious that her battery is dead so I head round the stages where i think she might be but it was needle in haystack time.

I was watching one of the bands and eventually get a pretty nasty text from her telling me what an ass I am for abandonning her (around 9-ish). I meet up with her eventually and she is chatting to some guy I didn't know, but I didn't and don't still think this is the problem as there has never been an issue of trust between us. I tell her that I want to see Glasvegas, which she knew was the only band I really wanted to see on the sunday. She goes in with me and stands beside me for a while in a huff, then walks off to stand somewhere else on her own. try to go over to her but she keeps walking off so I decide if she is going to act like a child I am going to just let her cool off and come back over to me when she is good and ready.

When the band finished she dissappears and I try to ring her but she won't answer my calls or texts. All I get is a string of text messages telling me to fcuk off and what a bsatard I am. I reply back to her to say that I am not getting into a texting match and to meet me if she wants to talk. Text messages continue getting nastier all the time so I finally say that I am heading back to the campsite and if she wants to talk to me before thorwing away our 8 year relationship to come back. She eventually arrives back after all the bands have stopped, I don't know what time at.

Since then she won't speak to me or even look me in the eye. I feel like she is blaming me for the whole thing even though I feel I have done bugger all wrong.

Any thoughts? Am I in the wrong? I still can't get over how nasty she was in the messages to me? Thanks for reading

metalgear2k2

She sounds like a nut job! you defo didnt do anything wrong, she could have stopped and waited for you. What did she expect you to do to find her? You did the best you could in the circumstances.

mikewest

Unregistered wrote: »

Since then she won't speak to me or even look me in the eye. I feel like she is blaming me for the whole thing even though I feel I have done bugger all wrong.

Any thoughts? Am I in the wrong? I still can't get over how nasty she was in the messages to me? Thanks for reading

1. As in all occasions like this you are in the wrong even if you think you did nothing wrong
2. Did you say to her in passing you would meet her somewhere and then forget while you were having the craic ?
3. Did something happen to her while you were seperated and you weren't there for support? Could the fact she got a scare cause the bad mood and nasty texts?
4. Was there too much alcohol consumed by either party ?

You ain't going to find out what the problem is until she talks to you and as you have said its an eight year relationship she probably won't dump you without telling you exactly what she thinks you did wrong. Welcome to the doghouse.

Edit: bad thought just crossed my mind. Did she do something she regrets and is turning on you to salve her guilty conscience.

VaioCruiser

This is how small misunderstandings lead to huge and ridiculous over reactions when one party has no self control, is drunk and immature.

Let her cool her heels and then decide if you even want this kind of thing in a GF.

zeslim

Hmm. Is it possible that you're leaving something out? Based on what you wrote, it sounds as though she's overreacting a bit. However, there are minor details that perhaps in her mind amounted to something substantial. When you said you were delayed, how long is 'a while'? There's a difference between 20 mins and 2 hours. Was she expecting you to meet her a few minutes after you separated? If she managed to text you later, how was it that her phone was dead?

When you piece things together, what exactly is it that you feel she's blaming you for? For not meeting up with her sooner? You said that you don't have trust issues, but you pointed out that the people you met were all girls. It sounds like the two of you got separated (planned or not) and she felt like you chose to hang around with your new friends for the evening rather than her. If the two of you had been planning this for a while or were greatly looking forward to it, it's understandable that she'd be bothered by that. It still sounds like something's missing from the story though, as I can't understand why she'd get so upset after 8 years if all that happened was you were mistakenly separated for a few hours at a music festival.

LegacyUser

zeslim wrote: »

Hmm. Is it possible that you're leaving something out? Based on what you wrote, it sounds as though she's overreacting a bit. However, there are minor details that perhaps in her mind amounted to something substantial. When you said you were delayed, how long is 'a while'? There's a difference between 20 mins and 2 hours. Was she expecting you to meet her a few minutes after you separated? If she managed to text you later, how was it that her phone was dead?

When you piece things together, what exactly is it that you feel she's blaming you for? For not meeting up with her sooner? You said that you don't have trust issues, but you pointed out that the people you met were all girls. It sounds like the two of you got separated (planned or not) and she felt like you chose to hang around with your new friends for the evening rather than her. If the two of you had been planning this for a while or were greatly looking forward to it, it's understandable that she'd be bothered by that. It still sounds like something's missing from the story though, as I can't understand why she'd get so upset after 8 years if all that happened was you were mistakenly separated for a few hours at a music festival.

Hi, OP here again. A while amounted to at most 30 mins. I said I'd meet her inside it was on the assumption that I could call her as she went in with half of the people we were with. I had brought spare fully charged phones with me in the event that the battery on our own were dead or about to die but she never asked me for this. She eventualy went to the phone charging station at the venue which was clearly signed and available for all to use so I don't understand why she waited over 2 hours to contact me if it was her phone was dead. the charging station only took 10 mins, or she could have borrowed a phone to make a short call surely?

I don't see the issue with the fact that the group we were with were all girls, we had met them together as a couple, they knew we were a couple, I am at least 8 years older than the oldest of them and all I did was stop for food which she knew. I didn't choose to hang round with them for the afternoon as I left them after getting food as they weren't ready to go in. I spent the whole time while I was in there looking for her on my own like a pleb also.

I guess I feel she is blaming me for the whole scenario but I don't see how it is my fault. I had made ample preparations to ensure that if we did get seperated which inevitably happened that there was a backup but that failed. I don't understand her reaction as we were seperated for only about 3 hours. Undoubtedly we were looking forward to the weekend and this has definitely put a damper on it.

mikewest

Is it possible that you were having a laugh with one of these younger girls and your gf may have thought you were flirting with her. Couple this with the fact that she didn't receive a call or text for a long time due to her phone being dead may have let the old green eyed monster rip. By the time she realised her phone was dead Mr Logic had left the festival and you are paying the price.

squonk

EVen so it sounds like she needs to grow up or get a chill pill. You could understand her being pissed at the time perhaps over what she may have perceived but her carry on since is out of order. So mature of her to have a bitch fit and not want to even enter into a conversation. I'd say move on. Nobody deserves that sort of abuse or treatment.

LegacyUser

Talked it out, it was a bit of all of the above suggestions. All fine again so we've drawn a line under it and I agreed to forget about it. The End