Will have to tell about my std

LegacyUser

Hi there
I'll try keep this short.
Just out of an LTR of nearly 4 years.7 years ago I got herpes.
I told 2 guys before my ex who were lovely about it but did not want to stay with me, then met my ex and he never had a problem with it as he knew I would never put him at risk etc..
So now I'm single and the thoughts of telling another guy is killing me!
I know I'm getting a bit ahead of myself as I wouldn't tell any guy (or sleep with him) until I thought we were getting serious, but I'm worrying now that maybe I was lucky with the 3 guys I told because they were so nice about it and I really do believe they won't ever tell people.
I suppose It's the one thing I wish more than anything I could change in my life but I can't. I'm just worrying that I'll trust some guy enough to tell him and he'll be so disgusted he'll go and spread it around!!
Don't know what kind of advice I'm looking for here to be honest,It's just always niggling at the back of my mind...........

Wurly

You do have to tell any partner you're with. End of. And you know this.

Don't dream of being so selfish. Anyone who sleeps with you has a right to know.

I understand its embarrassing and you're afraid that you will be portrayed as dirty etc. That's why you ensure that from now on, you only sleep with mature people that you can trust.

And do you know what? F*ck 'em if they judge you. At least you told them. And by judging you, they're wrong for you anyway.

Remember, STD"s are unfortunately a lot more common than people think. It's just its not something that people tend to talk about over a coffee!

Good luck.

LegacyUser

Trí wrote: »

You do have to tell any partner you're with. End of. And you know this.

Don't dream of being so selfish. Anyone who sleeps with you has a right to know.

I understand its embarrassing and you're afraid that you will be portrayed as dirty etc. That's why you ensure that from now on, you only sleep with mature people that you can trust.

And do you know what? F*ck 'em if they judge you. At least you told them. And by judging you, they're wrong for you anyway.

Remember, STD"s are unfortunately a lot more common than people think. It's just its not something that people tend to talk about over a coffee!

Good luck.

Hi Trí
I would never dream of not telling someone that's not what I meant and I don't think I said that .
I just worry that I might tell a guy thinking I can trust them but I might turn out to wrong about them. But I suppose that's just the chance I'll have to take if I meet someone

Karen_*

I don't think herpes is the end of the world at all OP. I wouldn't like to get it but if I did Id get over it. Certainly if I heard someone had it I wouldn't bat an eyelash to be honest or think badly of them.

Yes you could be wrong about trusting a guy but you could be wrong in any circumstances about trusting anyone. Go out with guys who are mature and intelligent enough not to be going around carrying stories. They are the sort of men you want, herpes or not.

Wurly

Unregistered wrote: »

Hi Trí
I would never dream of not telling someone that's not what I meant and I don't think I said that .
I just worry that I might tell a guy thinking I can trust them but I might turn out to wrong about them. But I suppose that's just the chance I'll have to take if I meet someone

No - you didn't say that at all, you're right. But you did give an air of 'oh do I have to tell them'. And my answer is - absolutely yes. But sure, you know that yourself.

Look - cliche as it sounds - People who mind, dont matter and people who matter, don't mind. No matter how much you want to, you can't change your past. Believe me - I know!

Best of luck.:)

LegacyUser

Karen_* wrote: »

I don't think herpes is the end of the world at all OP. I wouldn't like to get it but if I did Id get over it. Certainly if I heard someone had it I wouldn't bat an eyelash to be honest or think badly of them.

Yes you could be wrong about trusting a guy but you could be wrong in any circumstances about trusting anyone. Go out with guys who are mature and intelligent enough not to be going around carrying stories. They are the sort of men you want, herpes or not.

Hi Karen
I know both you and Tri are right about going for mature guys, all I can do is hope for the best and of course I could be let down trusting someone regardless of std's so no point worrying myself sick about it!!
Thanks, think i just needed a bit of reassurance!

marthaclark

The funny thing is - a lot of people have STDs and don't even get themselves checked.

At least you've gone and done something about it, and you continue to deal with it properly.

I say fair play, I've never had an STD but I've done the tests and uncomfortable as it is, it's the mature and responsible thing to do.

The guy who looks down on you is probably the guy who doesn't get tested.

Before you let anyone make you feel bad about your sexual history, remind them that you are the one getting yourself treated and checked.

LegacyUser

Trí wrote: »

No - People who mind, dont matter and people who matter, don't mind.
Best of luck.:)

yeah that is very true, that will be my new motto!!!thanks

LegacyUser

marthaclark wrote: »

The funny thing is - a lot of people have STDs and don't even get themselves checked.

At least you've gone and done something about it, and you continue to deal with it properly.

I say fair play, I've never had an STD but I've done the tests and uncomfortable as it is, it's the mature and responsible thing to do.

The guy who looks down on you is probably the guy who doesn't get tested.

Before you let anyone make you feel bad about your sexual history, remind them that you are the one getting yourself treated and checked.

Hi marthaclark
You're absolutely right and as a result of getting this I also made it my business to know about the other std's you can have without having symptons, that's the thing I'm sure some guys will judge me but they could be guys that have never been tested and could have something themselves!!!
Feck it I'm not going to let anyone make me feel bad about it,once I'm up front about it if they don't like it they can feck off!

LegacyUser

stdsecret wrote: »

Hi marthaclark
You're absolutely right and as a result of getting this I also made it my business to know about the other std's you can have without having symptons, that's the thing I'm sure some guys will judge me but they could be guys that have never been tested and could have something themselves!!!
Feck it I'm not going to let anyone make me feel bad about it,once I'm up front about it if they don't like it they can feck off!

exactly. and more power to ya!