So I've fallen for someone who wants nothing more

LegacyUser

I've known this guy for about two years now, known him very well for about six months and we've had a small "thing" going for around three months. Things were fantastic, neither of us considered it very serious, we never slept together, just enjoyed each other's company hanging out. Two weeks ago he decides that he doesn't want a relationship, doesn't want this "thing" to continue, doesn't want anything purely physical, just wants to go back to the way things were before we kissed.... I would be fine with this apart from two things...

1. He says he still likes me very much, finds it almost impossible not to kiss me when we're together.
2. I've fallen in love with him. As much as I would love to say I'm infatuated and it'll die down.... I couldn't be more in love with this man... All I want is to see him happy, whether that's with me, someone else or nobody all is just a small detail... And it breaks my heart to see that he's not and I can't fix it.

To top the whole things off I have an illness, while it's not life threatening it's going to be around for a long time. So far it's taken so much of my independance and condfidence away I couldn't bear the thought that it's the reason he doesn't want anything from me anymore.... But that's the only reason I can think of...

I'm trying to grasp together the condfidence to get some councelling. I had some last year for different reasons but needing to go back feels like I've failed somehow... I guess I'd appreciate someone's take on all of this... I've been in bed all day with no energy because of my tablets and I don't even feel like a whole person anymore

Eve_Dublin

Hi OP...I noticed that no one responded to your PI and perhaps the reason for this is that you've already identified a solution to your problem. I know you say that you're trying to get the confidence together to get some counselling. I understand it can be hard to make the first step to recovery but speaking from someone who's had a bit of counselling in the past when things got a bit too much for me to cope with on my own, I believed the first step would be a lot more difficult than it was when in reality, all it took was a phone call to arrange an appointment and the motivation to get out of my house and to the clinic.

A counsellor is only there to HELP you and assist you in building back up the confidence you need to get through this tough time. My heart goes out to you, OP. You're going through a crappy auld time right now, no doubt about it and I'm guessing you're finding it a bit tough to cope on your own. I can imagine that unrequited love can hurt like hell...you'll find posters who've been through similiar circumstances to yourself on this forum and they start to question what's wrong with them, why can't this person love them back and start to question that not only are they not good enough for that person but that they're not good enough full stop. I can imagine it's frustrating as hell and can knock the confidence out of you big style.

The fact that this guy doesn't want anything more is no reflection on you, OP. It just wasn't meant to be. You wonder if this guy is rejecting you because of your illness...who knows...this is all speculation. Perhaps someone who's not willing to stick with you through thick and thin isn't worth your time.

Anyway...I'll say no more because I've no experience on this issue and don't want to say anything I shouldn't. I'm posting a link to the link they've posted on this forum with names and websites of every type of counselling under the sun. Have a look through them and see if there's something suitable.

Don't loose hope, OP. You've identified your problem and if you can post it up here, I'm sure you can say it to a counsellor you feel comfortable with as well....they're used to dealing with all types so don't worry about coming across nervous.

Good luck with it all, OP. You'll be fine

Eve_Dublin

Here's the link just in case you didn't find it:

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=57416

Sorry, just noticed you mentioned you've been to counselling but feel that returning is failure. Why? How is admitting you're going through a rough time...an extended rough time make you a failure? You're only human like the rest of us, OP, nothing more. If this is what it takes to get you through it, then that's what you need to do. No shame in that. Fact.

VaioCruiser

hello OP. I am sorry about your situation, complicated obviously by your illness.

It seems to me to be a case where he just doesn't want the kind of relationship you want. Let's face it OP, this is what we all face on a regular basis. It's not easy and it's not nice, but it's life.

I know you love him. But loving him also means you have to accept that you have to let him go.

We are tougher than you think and we have to go on and tackle the next challenge, and be ready for the next guy. I know it doesn't seem like it now, but time will pass and the pain will get less, and less.

I know that may sound trite, but there is no use packaging it up in a saccharine wrapper.

All the best !