Repelled by my girlfrends new look

Websters

As some of the others here have said, I'll keep this very short.

Irish guy, polish girl. Girl had very oppresive previous boyfriend, the kind where she couldn't have ANY male friends, she certainly couldn't be alone with any other males unless they were his friends, rather violent when drunk etc etc.

Moving on, she's with me, we're very happy now, only a few weeks into our new relationship. Had a great weekend, no drinking just cinema food shopping chilling out and generally spending some quality time together, lovin it. Monday morning, she goes and gets her hair cut, in a way, I really really dont like. A really big turn off for me. She looked so perfect before it was really great and such a pleasure to know that I'm with her. I asked her, in fact begged her many times not to do what I knew she was going to do but she insisted on just getting a little snip.instead she got a lot off and changed the style drastically,bringing it very close to simply having short hair, long on one side fuzy at the back mad alternative style thing. I really hate it, it doesnt suit her and she really looks very different now. Its shallow of me but she doesnt look like the same person she doesnt looke like my girlfriend at all

I am genuinely gutted by it because i feel so so shallow. But i tried to attribute it to her hating my look when i had long hair. Im into metal and everything but im cleaner cut looking now you wouldnt recognize me. she quite simply wouldnt be attracted to me if i looked that way,and i understand that. but what do i do,i feel kind of repelled by the way she looks now. I understand she wants her freedom, but i helped her shop for a big european dance festival shes going to,which im not going to be at,and she had some pretty, as she put it, slutty clothes, but i dont care, she can wear what she wants as long as she doesnt cheat i have no reason not to trust her so I do. Im not trying to change her, but i just cant get my head around this... bah talking too much.

am I a c**t?

p.s short answer such as yes will be taken on board

starbelgrade

Yes. It's only hair - it'll grow back. I'd be a lot more concerned about the slutty clothes in a foreign dance festival.

Websters

yeah i really dont mind the dance festival thing, see no evil hear no evil, if she cheats then thats her guilty heart and not mine, but i see your point. Its just pissing me off so much! she could get fat,spotty and lose the tan and i wouldnt care, ive been with less than beautiful women......but they generally have nice hair as a rule of thumb. personal preference like

herya

Websters wrote: »

but they generally have nice hair as a rule of thumb. personal preference like

Well tell her just that. That you know it's irrational and maybe a bit of a fetish thing but you have a special liking for some hair styles and you'd appreciate so much if she took it into account. She might be looking for wild ways to celebrate her new freedom and fun time with you right now so chances are she'll get bored with the alt hairdo soon. You may look up some ideas on the web and show them to her, something that would be funky enough for her but trad enough for you so it doesn't come across as criticising only.

wasper

Websters wrote: »

As some of the others here have said, I'll keep this very short.

Irish guy, polish girl. Girl had very oppresive previous boyfriend, the kind where she couldn't have ANY male friends, she certainly couldn't be alone with any other males unless they were his friends, rather violent when drunk etc etc.

Moving on, she's with me, we're very happy now, only a few weeks into our new relationship. Had a great weekend, no drinking just cinema food shopping chilling out and generally spending some quality time together, lovin it. Monday morning, she goes and gets her hair cut, in a way, I really really dont like. A really big turn off for me. She looked so perfect before it was really great and such a pleasure to know that I'm with her. I asked her, in fact begged her many times not to do what I knew she was going to do but she insisted on just getting a little snip.instead she got a lot off and changed the style drastically,bringing it very close to simply having short hair, long on one side fuzy at the back mad alternative style thing. I really hate it, it doesnt suit her and she really looks very different now. Its shallow of me but she doesnt look like the same person she doesnt looke like my girlfriend at all

I am genuinely gutted by it because i feel so so shallow. But i tried to attribute it to her hating my look when i had long hair. Im into metal and everything but im cleaner cut looking now you wouldnt recognize me. she quite simply wouldnt be attracted to me if i looked that way,and i understand that. but what do i do,i feel kind of repelled by the way she looks now. I understand she wants her freedom, but i helped her shop for a big european dance festival shes going to,which im not going to be at,and she had some pretty, as she put it, slutty clothes, but i dont care, she can wear what she wants as long as she doesnt cheat i have no reason not to trust her so I do. Im not trying to change her, but i just cant get my head around this... bah talking too much.

am I a c**t?

p.s short answer such as yes will be taken on board

It's only hair that will grow, but the question is will you grow up & realise that people like to change their looks every now & then.
You might decide to grow a moustache. Is that such a big problem?
I think you are not really into this relationship. Be more honest & review the situation.

spurious

She seems to go for quite 'oppressive ' guys.
You don't like her hair, you say she can wear what she wants (that's nice of you thanks) but then call her clothes slutty?
You should listen to yourself.

It's her hair, it will grow back, to be 'repelled' by something so small seems to me to be either over the top or looking for an excuse for way out.

nomorebadtown

spurious wrote: »

She seems to go for quite 'oppressive ' guys.
You don't like her hair, you say she can wear what she wants (that's nice of you thanks) but then call her clothes slutty?
You should listen to yourself.

eh, it's perfectly acceptable for him to not like her new haircut - not "opressive" in the slightest:rolleyes: and SHE called the clothes slutty!

Crumble Froo

there's not liking a haircut and there's completely spinning out about it. he's doing the latter.

i cut my hair in january, to about ear length, much to my boyfriend's dismay, and then went on to shave my head in march. he didnt like it, and would at times just sorta stare at my head in almost disbelief... he expressed his wish that id keep my hair long, but accepted that it was my hair, my decision and something i wanted to do, for me.

we joke about it still (i tend to dress quite boyishly as well, plus the short hair... ) and he does still make tongue in cheek remarks about having a girlfriend with 'long flowing hair and who wears skirts and dresses'.

OP, honestly, the only thing you can do is try get over it. she'll change her hairstyle again, maybe you'll grow yours out again... just try to focus on the personality behind her looks, remember she's still the same person, and be proud of her for having the guts to do something she wanted even she knew you wouldnt like it. looks like she's come a long way since her last relationship already

JamesAlex

Websters wrote: »

As some of the others here have said, I'll keep this very short.

Irish guy, polish girl. Girl had very oppresive previous boyfriend, the kind where she couldn't have ANY male friends, she certainly couldn't be alone with any other males unless they were his friends, rather violent when drunk etc etc.

Moving on, she's with me, we're very happy now, only a few weeks into our new relationship. Had a great weekend, no drinking just cinema food shopping chilling out and generally spending some quality time together, lovin it. Monday morning, she goes and gets her hair cut, in a way, I really really dont like. A really big turn off for me. She looked so perfect before it was really great and such a pleasure to know that I'm with her. I asked her, in fact begged her many times not to do what I knew she was going to do but she insisted on just getting a little snip.instead she got a lot off and changed the style drastically,bringing it very close to simply having short hair, long on one side fuzy at the back mad alternative style thing. I really hate it, it doesnt suit her and she really looks very different now. Its shallow of me but she doesnt look like the same person she doesnt looke like my girlfriend at all

I am genuinely gutted by it because i feel so so shallow. But i tried to attribute it to her hating my look when i had long hair. Im into metal and everything but im cleaner cut looking now you wouldnt recognize me. she quite simply wouldnt be attracted to me if i looked that way,and i understand that. but what do i do,i feel kind of repelled by the way she looks now. I understand she wants her freedom, but i helped her shop for a big european dance festival shes going to,which im not going to be at,and she had some pretty, as she put it, slutty clothes, but i dont care, she can wear what she wants as long as she doesnt cheat i have no reason not to trust her so I do. Im not trying to change her, but i just cant get my head around this... bah talking too much.

am I a c**t?

p.s short answer such as yes will be taken on board

I know the cut you are talking about, its horrible.

oh well i may be shallow, but if you are not attracted to her anymore then dump her

metalgear2k2

I don't find most women with short hair attractive, its just not a good look IMO, so if I was you i'd dump her. Cant stay with someone that repels you.

stevoslice

get over urself, in a few days time, you won't even notice de new style.

Dizzyblonde

It seems that how she looked had a lot to do with your attraction to her and your feelings for her don't actually run much deeper than that because if they did, her hairstyle wouldn't put you off.

prinz

JamesAlex wrote: »

I know the cut you are talking about, its horrible.
oh well i may be shallow, but if you are not attracted to her anymore then dump her

The all forgiving, all understanding JamesAlex eh.... perhaps she got it cut as a prank.:rolleyes:

Astrogeek

Well I'm not attracted to guys with long hair, it's a huge turn off. I know the hair cut you are talking about, it's pretty...different. I don't think you are being swallow. If ye were together for years and you said you just didn't love her anymore because of the hair that'd be different. But the beginning of a relationship is about attraction... If you aren't attracted to her anymore I'd say end it.

prinz

Astrogeek wrote: »

But the beginning of a relationship is about attraction... If you aren't attracted to her anymore I'd say end it.

It's hair :eek: It grows back, and *bam* suddenly he's attracted to her again. It's not as if she just had 56 stars tattooed across her face

JamesAlex

prinz wrote: »

It's hair :eek: It grows back, and *bam* suddenly he's attracted to her again. It's not as if she just had 56 stars tattooed across her face

yeah in like a year, and thats if she wants to grow it back

Xiney

I'd say if her hair has ended your attraction to her then your attraction was rather superficial to begin with.

No huge loss, then.


So find someone who you connect with on such a level that it won't matter if they cut their hair, or gain a stone, or end up in a horrible car crash that disfigures their face. Basically, find someone who you'll find beautiful no matter what.

qt9ukbg60ivjrn

I don't think you're a ****.

I mean it's the start of a relationship. Everything is based on shallowness. You got with her cause you were attracted to her. You weren't emailing back and forth for weeks and months were you? (I'm guessing not)

Now you're not attracted to her cause of something she has changed. It's not your fault. It's nobodys fault(well maybe hers;)).

Either try get by the fact that she looks slightly different to the person you were initially attracted to or just finish it before you get in too deep when she starts shaving her head and visiting her "Uncle Uber" in Austria after you picked out a costume in a PVC shop.

LegacyUser

I went through a stressful period and lost loads of hair, my hair got weak and though when I met my boyfriend i had a lovely head of blonde longish hair. now I have brown hair resting to my shoulders. I had to dye it back to my natural dark colour. It looks severe now. I know my boyfriend prefers it blonde and i know this but he always says,"it's not your hair it was attracted to anyway, it was you, it was your face...."

does hair really make that much of a difference?

Eve_Dublin

This is a tough one...no, I don't think you're a sh*t personally OP, you're just being honest .I'm only repeating what a previous poster said but you have to admit that you must have only liked her on a mainly superficial level so really, would she be any major loss to your life?

Sorry, always refer back to my own experiences but I was seeing a guy back in the day who used to have lovely, curly hair and that was one of the things I was attracted to when I saw him first but within the first few weeks of dating, he went out and bought a razor and shaved all his lovely curls off :eek:! He looked like a Nazi youth and couldn't pull of the hairstyle...he looked like he was going to kick the crap out of anyone who looked at him a bit funny. I HATED it but the guy was nice even if he didn't have a hairstyle to suit his lovely personality so I soldered on...we went out for 3 and a half years and he always shaved his hair off (I'm talking skinhead tight here) throughout the relationship because he hated the curls and it was his head after all andhe was free to do as he pleased. His hairstyle started to grow on me more and more (pun NOT intended) the more I got to know him. We broke up amicably but I still have a massive thing for men with shaved heads...although I still have a preference for curly locks.

You'd be surprised how the things that turned you off and irritated you about the person initally start to become the things you're attracted to the most the more you get to know them. The human mind is weird like that. This was just me though.

the_god_swan

Your not a c**t but just a bit mental id say : ) It probably is a bit early in your relationship for you to see it, but if your love for her continues to grow it wont matter if she has a wooden pirates leg! My previous gf must have went through 20 hair styles in the 4 years we were together, from dreadlocks to skin head and everything in between. Some i liked more than others but never once did a hair style make me question the future. No offence OP but if you drop girls for such reasons as this then you must have one hell of a backup plan! And as someone posted already you wont even notice in a week or 2.

Oh The Humanity

Hm, you see if you are only with her a few weeks then I can understand this. You were attracted to her the way she was and now she is different. The new haircut sounds a bit chavvy tbh.

I love long hair on men. My boyfriend has beautiful long hair, if he cut it I would be beyond gutted. BUT we are going out longer so its different, but if he got a short haircut and put on a suit I would be seriously turned off too.....

If you can't get past this then it might be time to move on. If you are really repelled then what can you do?

neuro-praxis

Your partner having a bad haircut is simply not a problem. It just isn't. So it's a bad haircut. So what?

Cassidy1

Ya just "put up with it" for a week or two. If you feel the same then theres no point in staying with the girl. If you really want to be with her you will think nothing of it after a few days or so.:D

Wibbs

It's early in the relationship so changes that you feel are big will have an effect. It would be great if they didn't matter, but they can and they do. Especially at that stage. If you meet someone and over 20 years of a shared life together she goes up 4 dress sizes, it's a much smaller deal or no deal at all when compared with meeting her and she goes up two dress sizes in 6 months. For you anyway her hair was part of the package. You may not have even looked at her twice if she had this new do when you first met.

If it really is having this much impact, I'm not so sure you're that into her, or as much as you thought anyway.

Amy33

If it's such a problem to you, dump her...

mikewest

In a couple of weeks when she is back from the festival and if everything is going swimmingly then say to her "I said I'd give it a few weeks to see if it would grow on me but good god love, that hairstyle is horrible on you. Could you ever try something else please".

miec

I suggest you end it as you no longer fancy her, but you need to understand that as the owner of her hair, clothes and body, she has the right to modify them whenever she wants, even if it means losing a boyfriend because of it, and know that in the future you may come up against this problem again when a future girlfriend changes her appearance.

Seillejet

Crumble Froo wrote: »

went on to shave my head in march. he didnt like it, and would at times just sorta stare at my head in almost disbelief...

I burst out laughing at that as my wife often does the same when I get the head shaved. The mohawk was the funniest. She soon gets over it. I have a personal preference for long hair but could see my wife wasnt loving it. I said why dont you get it cut short if it bothers you that much. Woke up the next morning to see her scamp off to the hairdressers like a little pixie at 9 am. As it has been said previously it is only hair and will grow back.

CathyMoran

If you can not cope with such a minor thing as a hair cut then how could you cope with the big stuff? What would happen if she lost her hair due to chemo, the mind boggles...

It seems that your relationship is very superficial, find someone that you truely love instead.

Wibbs

Fair enough but this is a new relationship, so the illness example would have significantly less to do with it. There would be few enough out there who would say chose to start going out with someone undergoing chemo say. There would be some, but in general some excuse would likely come up. Together 5 years and very very few would leave. The OP is simply at a different stage, the more superficial stage if you will, where stuff like this and making your mind up about someone else is still in play.

CathyMoran

Wibbs wrote: »

Fair enough but this is a new relationship, so the illness example would have significantly less to do with it. There would be few enough out there who would say chose to start going out with someone undergoing chemo say. There would be some, but in general some excuse would likely come up. Together 5 years and very very few would leave. The OP is simply at a different stage, the more superficial stage if you will, where stuff like this and making your mind up about someone else is still in play.

While I understand where you are coming from I still believe that if you really like someone you should stick by them...my husband was ill within a few weeks of seeing him and I did not walk. I find my husband very physically attractive but it was and is his personality and intelligence that I fell for - liking someone largely on looks seems strange to me (but maybe that is just me?) My husband has had some woeful hair cuts in his time and being honest I would love it longer but I would rather a happy husband.

Eric Cartman

metalgear2k2 wrote: »

I don't find most women with short hair attractive, its just not a good look IMO, so if I was you i'd dump her. Cant stay with someone that repels you.

i hate short hair on women, i would turn down rihanna with her short hair, op i can see where your coming from, i suggest a "fix it or im gone" approach

LegacyUser

Eric Cartman wrote: »

i hate short hair on women, i would turn down rihanna with her short hair, op i can see where your coming from, i suggest a "fix it or im gone" approach

If you do the above OP i hope she takes the 'jog on pal' approach.
It's not like she's been disfigured ffs!!I personally go for looks first because I couldn't be with someone i didn't fancy the arse off but this is a haircut we're talking about!! Grow up!I pity the poor girl!

partyguinness

Any chance of a random pic of this type of haircut? Just trying to pic it..

DenMan

Right Websters obviously you haven't been paying attention to current fashion trends for women. A lot of girls now are wearing their hair short or shorter. I think it great...a lot of them can pull it off.

You didn't go out with her for her hair did you? Of course not? If she's comfortable with her new look then that's the end of it. It obviously makes her feel good about herself. Would she have had the courage to do this in her previous oppressive relationship? Gotta roll with it man.

Websters

Sorry I've not been looking at this, kinda worried it was gonna be a flame thread in my direction but there's a lot of good advice and so I'm taking it. I like the girl a lot, i have my own hang ups, im not perfect and never will be, im sure she's thinking the same about some things to do with me, but maybe she's not asking the INTERNETZ!! for help! Im sticking with her because she's awesome and **** it, I was a metal monger for so many years this should be in my blood but i guess i've gotten a little picky over the years. Thanks guys I reckon I'm done here for now.....

she is going to this festival though... lol

wexford202

I actually do see where you are coming from.

Over the years my hair has been every colour and my fella never commented on it. I got it dyed once with black underneath and white blonde on top. To be honest looking back this hair do made me look like a wh%re.

It was the one and only time my fella said anything to me about my hair. It took him a week to find the right way to say he didn't like it. I nearly died and I actually respected his opinion because as I say he is never fussy about things. I changed it the next day and anytime since he is grand.

I know the hairstyle you are talking about and it is terrible. I would say to her that it's her own hair and you know that but you just wanted to say as the most honest person that she knows that you thing it really doesn't suit her and it would be so much nicer any other way.

I think she may be pissed at first but will get over it and appreiate it.

LegacyUser

Thats assymetrical haircut only works on a certain type of slightly asexual looking girl, and even then, only if she has supermodel looks.

Just tell your gf you don't like it. Even if she pretends that doesn't matter, the message will still sink in. I know it would if my bf said so (though I'd never let on to him!)

Rb

I hate those type of hair cuts and the attitude that usually accompanies them. If I'd pleaded with her not to do it, then she went ahead and did the worst thing she could, I'd just dump her immediately.

You're only together a few weeks, no big loss.

Rb

Rb wrote: »

I hate those type of hair cuts and the attitude that usually accompanies them. If I'd pleaded with her not to do it, then she went ahead and did the worst thing she could, I'd just dump her immediately.

You're only together a few weeks, no big loss.

You'd dump someone because they got a haircut you didn't like? A haircut is a haircut, it does not make you a different person that you were before!

unhappycamper

'Repelled' was the word you used in your original post right? then dump her and be done with it. The haircut must be really unattractive!

Websters

i still dont like it, BUT, she's pretty stunning and still the same gal(attitudes that "go with" haircuts, now thats a funny one XD) so im hanging on till its grown back a bit, then ill tell her what i think, but to do that now whens there's nothing she can do about it would be very cruel to her feelings. I cant imagine how id feel if i was dumped cause of my hair, its a very personal thing and would feel like an attack to the person it was being said to. so im keeping quiet and seeing how things go.thanks again

Rb

[quote=[Deleted User];61180415]You'd dump someone because they got a haircut you didn't like? A haircut is a haircut, it does not make you a different person that you were before![/quote]

At the start of a relationship, yes. If I'd asked a few times for them not to, and expressed my hatred of such a haircut, then yes.

I don't see what the problem is really. The beginning of relationships rely on physical attraction and if she got such an ugly hair cut, she'd get the boot.

Websters wrote: »

attitudes that "go with" haircuts, now thats a funny one XD

Well, normal women don't get those freak haircuts, so it's safe to say you're girlfriend is not a normal woman. Although, those Polish women tend to be a bit OTT/weird at the best of times anyway, so she could be normal by Polish standards.

Also, yes, hairstyles are a general indicator of ones attitude. Along with how a person dresses, you can generally learn quite a lot about the person without speaking to them.

Anyway, I don't see why you started the thread after reading the last reply.

Websters

Jesus mate that last post of yours is a little more questionable than mine. I wanted advice, I got it, and I pulled my head out of my ass. I had hair long hair for years(by long,think alanis morrisette jagged little pill era...) for years then into my 20's I cut it off and opened up this whole can of female worms that seemed to ignore me beforehand. The world looked the same to me, I was still the same person, but I found people to be far more forthcoming and generally speaking approached me a lot friendlier. You know what I dont need to justify myself here at all, this is my thread, I was freaked by her new look but im ok now. pity there's no lock thread button... thanks to all the sensible answers

The Recliner

Websters I have a lock button