In relation to is my boyfriend gay

Stupidbf

I am the stupid bf Ive read all your posts in relation to rosies thread. The majority of ye in here hate me and I dont blame ye. But first of all id like to say im not gay or bisexual, im not concealing anything. the majority of ye know she has left me with my baby daughter. rosie is right maybe im selfish i never thought of myself that way. Ive lost the love of my life its like someone has just ripped my insides out. Im not looking for sympathy because im sure I wouldnt get it anyway and quite honestly Ive brought this on myself for being so blind. I wish i could turn back time but thats not an option. I should have went to the counsellor striaght away but was embarassed and ashamed and thought we were getting on well and were talking about things,. Id give all i own to have her and my daughter back, it all means nothing without them. I never told how much I appreciated her when we were together and told her how lucky I was to have her, as she said herself all prob too little too late. I cant help how I feel this woman was the love of my life and I never told her often enough

Moomoo1

I can understand how you feel - I have real problems with telling people how I feel about them too.

Silverfish

I think at this stage you need to look into counselling.

It's very hard to believe someone's words when their actions state something entirely different. What you were doing behind her back for 5 years is not the actions of someone who loves someone, it's the actions of someone who is confused and needs some help with their feelings - your behaviour was very strange for someone who is not gay or bisexual.

I would ask that you communicate directly with each other, and not use this site to do so, as with the opinions of many others you will both get drowned out.

tbh

Stupidbf wrote: »

The majority of ye in here hate me and I dont blame ye.

I would say the majority of people don't hate you man, they feel sorry for you. WTF were you thinking? But I hope it works out with the best result for all involved.

wexford202

Hi there you are one of a million people who do silly things like that. What starts out as curiosty ends up a force of habit that you get hooked on.

It wouldn't really matter if you were gay or Bi so you needn't justify that for anyone. The thing is you hurt your girlfirend but never say that things can't be worked out.

Just take a break. Do your counselling. Leave Rosie to think things through without influence and maybe when she sees your true commitment things will work out.

You are not the devil and nobody hates you. Some people can be vey cruel on this site as they do not know anything about you.

Finally I would be fairly pissed myself if I were you as I wouldn't like my troubles splashed all over the net and in ways sh is almost as bad looking for strangers opinions on her own relationship.

Ye both could do with a break and maybe talk to someone who is qualified in handling this type of thing.

JamesAlex

dude, you were just baiting though right? will you please clear it up for the ignorant

Xiney

JamesAlex, please have a read of the charter as calling posters ignorant is a contravention of it and will get you infracted and/or banned.

Ta.

Xiney

It's very important that you

1: stop doing what it was you were doing
2: actively seek help
3: show visible effort that you are

Might not win her back, but it is worth a shot.

RuailleBuaille

Mods would it be out of order to ask what the OP's motivations/ intentions were? As he sees it? In the interests of fairness, the majority had made up their minds on the other thread, I'd like to try understand the other side?

RuailleBuaille

RuailleBuaille wrote: »

Mods would it be out of order to ask what the OP's motivations/ intentions were? As he sees it? In the interests of fairness, the majority had made up their minds on the other thread, I'd like to try understand the other side?

TBH I don't see why it would be any of our business. Nobody knows who this person is (I presume) and the only person he needs to explain himself to is his girlfriend (or should that be ex-girlfriend?).

It would serve no purpose other than continuing on something that should be finished on here.

The Recliner

RuailleBuaille wrote: »

Mods would it be out of order to ask what the OP's motivations/ intentions were? As he sees it? In the interests of fairness, the majority had made up their minds on the other thread, I'd like to try understand the other side?

If the OP replies and wants to talk about it then it will be allowed

to be honest though at this point it is more important for the OP to talk to his partner than to explian himself to anyone here

RuailleBuaille

Deleted User wrote: »

TBH I don't see why it would be any of our business. Nobody knows who this person is (I presume) and the only person he needs to explain himself to is his girlfriend (or should that be ex-girlfriend?).

It would serve no purpose other than continuing on something that should be finished on here.

I disagree. Not about it being our business of course, but for the other men/ women following this who are acting out in the same manner or who are in a relationship with someone who is and who can relate, it may be helpful to articulate the WHY so a measure of understanding may be reached. Understanding the behaviour is the key to changing it. If the OP articulated why he did what he did, he may begin to understand himself more and the reaction of his girlfriend.
And given that his GF left without telling him, I'm guessing the lines of communication aren't as open as they could be.
Personal Issues on Boards is not just about the people who post and if that's what you think, you're missing the point.
Just a thought.

EDIT: Thanks Pimpey. I do agree he should be talking to her, but given that he posted here, this must be the only avenue open at the moment.

Stupidbf

alot of the people in here actually missed the fact im not gay it doesnt nothing for me sexually or get turned on by it I get some strange kick out of seeing how far they will actually take things , I know this was wrong too but it was like it wasnt real , it was like they were on a different planet. It was more like it was kind of habit like smoking
I even got addicted to the xbox for a while. im unemployed for a while now, and even tho there was stuff to do around the house i just couldnt bring myself to do them, it was like day blended into night and week into months, I should have been the happiest guy in the world with my lovely new girl, why could i not see this

RuailleBuaille

Stupidbf wrote: »

alot of the people in here actually missed the fact im not gay it doesnt nothing for me sexually or get turned on by it I get some strange kick out of seeing how far they will actually take things , I know this was wrong too but it was like it wasnt real , it was like they were on a different planet. It was more like it was kind of habit like smoking
I even got addicted to the xbox for a while. im unemployed for a while now, and even tho there was stuff to do around the house i just couldnt bring myself to do them, it was like day blended into night and week into months, I should have been the happiest guy in the world with my lovely new girl, why could i not see this

Do you not see how whether it's men or women you were buzzing off is irrelevant to your relationship?
Playing Xbox doesn't throw your whole relationship into question.
Thank you for your effort at making us understand.

Moomoo1

Stupidbf wrote: »

alot of the people in here actually missed the fact im not gay it doesnt nothing for me sexually or get turned on by it I get some strange kick out of seeing how far they will actually take things , I know this was wrong too but it was like it wasnt real , it was like they were on a different planet. It was more like it was kind of habit like smoking
I even got addicted to the xbox for a while. im unemployed for a while now, and even tho there was stuff to do around the house i just couldnt bring myself to do them, it was like day blended into night and week into months, I should have been the happiest guy in the world with my lovely new girl, why could i not see this

mate, do what Wexford says. Tell her that you'll take out a few months to sort your life out (both in terms of obsessions and in terms of looking for a job), tell her that you care sincerely about her feelings (even though it may not come across like this), and that for her sake and the baby's you will attempt to reform. I think she will respect that.

tbh

Moomoo1 wrote: »

mate, do what Wexford says. Tell her that you'll take out a few months to sort your life out (both in terms of obsessions and in terms of looking for a job), tell her that you care sincerely about her feelings (even though it may not come across like this), and that for her sake and the baby's you will attempt to reform. I think she will respect that.

agreed. There's probably no way she would have believed you were doing what you were doing if someone had told her before she found the evidence for herself. Her trust in you has been rocked, you know? So, for now, your words mean nothing, and your actions mean everything. The fact that you have a child together means that, at least, you'll have enough contact with her to show her you really have changed.

But remember, even though you may have sincerely changed, it may not be enough. All you can do is your best, and hope that it's enough.

Stupidbf

I can see that now I know I betrayed her but at the time I honestly believed it had nothing to with our relationship. Again can i just correct something most believe we havent been going out for 5 years,its just over 2 years I know prob makes no difference it was still betrayel. lots of people have said it was cheating and im in agreement it was cheating emotionally , but at the time I did not see this. I have never cheated on her physically or never would. Im lookin for answers myself I dont know how I could hurt someone so much that I love so and care about so much. I just cant understand how I could not see this

tbh

Stupidbf wrote: »

I just cant understand how I could not see this

some lessons you just have to learn the hard way.

BeQuiet

man - u are spending way too much time inside ur home - u need to get out , forget about computers and playstation and all gaming for the summer .... Walk / run / do anything physical outside ... it might clear your head, and u might see things clearer. Seriously , give urself a break from all electronics - even the telly - foe a few days at least .... its good for the head.

GOOD LUCK

Moomoo1

Agree with that BeQuiet. And one more thing OP - when you are actually reformed (and even if you see her in the interim), cast your thoughts back to when you two met - how did you act towards her then, how did you show her your attention and affection? The problem isn't just what you did imho, the problem is that she felt taken for granted and that you only thought about yourself (probably long before the incident in question). And as well as sorting your life out you need to address that issue. You need to show that in your head there exists thought about her.

Taltos

OP - have 2 family members who went thru v rocky patches in their relationships - emotions all over the place like yours and your OH at the moment.

1 of the guys admitted all. Went immed for help and really worked on making things better; getting over depression - dealing with repressed memories from childhood - few yrs on they have never been happier - all of his behaviour issues have been resolved and he really really seems much happier.

2nd guy - promised everything at first. Then started blaming his OH with the immortal line "I have needs..." went to counselling a few times and spent the sessions convincing them that they were wrong and his oh was a nutcase. Still cannot see what he did was wrong (along the lines of what happened here). He has even now driven a wedge between him and the kid. You can see what is happening here - they are now on fast-track for divorce and she will never ever go back.

If you stand any chance of recovering from this - step up - seek help and work on yourself. See if the counsellor would like her to attend as well. Chances are mate if you have been unemployed and buried in the xbox with days blending you may have been suffering from depression - but until you seek the proper help and get your life back on track things cannot get better for you.

As the others have said - actions speak louder than words.

Taltos

Taltos wrote: »

OP - have 2 family members who went thru v rocky patches in their relationships - emotions all over the place like yours and your OH at the moment.

1 of the guys admitted all. Went immed for help and really worked on making things better; getting over depression - dealing with repressed memories from childhood - few yrs on they have never been happier - all of his behaviour issues have been resolved and he really really seems much happier.

2nd guy - promised everything at first. Then started blaming his OH with the immortal line "I have needs..." went to counselling a few times and spent the sessions convincing them that they were wrong and his oh was a nutcase. Still cannot see what he did was wrong (along the lines of what happened here). He has even now driven a wedge between him and the kid. You can see what is happening here - they are now on fast-track for divorce and she will never ever go back.

If you stand any chance of recovering from this - step up - seek help and work on yourself. See if the counsellor would like her to attend as well. Chances are mate if you have been unemployed and buried in the xbox with days blending you may have been suffering from depression - but until you seek the proper help and get your life back on track things cannot get better for you.

As the others have said - actions speak louder than words.

edit: should also let you know the 2nd guy tried to trick the counsellor that he was reforming etc and could see that what he did was wrong - but these guys are trained and he very quickly made it apparant it was all a ploy on his part. So - if you do not mean it - and do not want to change - don't even go there. But if you do want to change and can see that you need to then seek the help.