Confused.

LegacyUser

This is probably going to be a long post so I'll try keep it as brief as possible

Basically, I met a guy two years ago in work and I was instantly crazy about him. We became really good friends and then more. However, at the beginning I told him I could never do anything other than fcuk buddies, pretty much because he is younger than me so I thought it would never work.

So this whole situation has been on / off for the last two years with both of us seeing other people. I had a boyfriend for a few months during this and didn't cheat on him but this guy has cheated on the two girlfriend's he's had with me. I feel really bad about this but I am crazy about this guy.

Anyway, a few months ago, I transferred in work so we no longer work together. I thought this would be good, as in give us both a chance to just forget each other seen as we were really causing each other more harm than good. However, it made things worse! He started to text me telling me he missed me etc and we began seeing each other a lot, going to the cinema and stuff.

He currently has a gf but last week after we went to the cinema (with other friends, might I add, not on a date), we ended up kissing among other things, but didn't actually sleep together. Immediately afterwards he said he felt he'd forced me into it because I was hesitant at the beginning because of the fact he has a gf obviously. He said he didn't regret it though. Since then we have been texting a lot but haven't really spoken about it and he hasn't told his gf.

Basically, I am at a stage now where I am not too sure if this guy actually likes me or is just using me. He doesn't know that I like him, I mean he doesn't know that I want to be with him but what do I do? He has a girlfriend afterall so should I tell him how I feel?

Thanks in advance for any advice and soooo sorry about the length and messiness of the post!

Novella

Unregistered wrote: »

This is probably going to be a long post so I'll try keep it as brief as possible

Basically, I met a guy two years ago in work and I was instantly crazy about him. We became really good friends and then more. However, at the beginning I told him I could never do anything other than fcuk buddies, pretty much because he is younger than me so I thought it would never work.

So this whole situation has been on / off for the last two years with both of us seeing other people. I had a boyfriend for a few months during this and didn't cheat on him but this guy has cheated on the two girlfriend's he's had with me. I feel really bad about this but I am crazy about this guy.

Anyway, a few months ago, I transferred in work so we no longer work together. I thought this would be good, as in give us both a chance to just forget each other seen as we were really causing each other more harm than good. However, it made things worse! He started to text me telling me he missed me etc and we began seeing each other a lot, going to the cinema and stuff.

He currently has a gf but last week after we went to the cinema (with other friends, might I add, not on a date), we ended up kissing among other things, but didn't actually sleep together. Immediately afterwards he said he felt he'd forced me into it because I was hesitant at the beginning because of the fact he has a gf obviously. He said he didn't regret it though. Since then we have been texting a lot but haven't really spoken about it and he hasn't told his gf.

Basically, I am at a stage now where I am not too sure if this guy actually likes me or is just using me. He doesn't know that I like him, I mean he doesn't know that I want to be with him but what do I do? He has a girlfriend afterall so should I tell him how I feel?

Thanks in advance for any advice and soooo sorry about the length and messiness of the post!

Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt!

Sounds like a complicated one. Considering the fact that he has a girlfriend, I would tend to say leave it but seen as he has already cheated on her with you, you are involved now anyway so it is probably worth sitting down and having a chat about what you're doing.

You said this has been going on for two years so I'd say it is long awaited that the two of you actually just sort out what you're doing before you, or him, end up hurt. I know it is easier said than done but you really need to have it out with him, lay your cards on the table once and for all.

prinz

Unregistered wrote: »

Basically, I am at a stage now where I am not too sure if this guy actually likes me or is just using me. He doesn't know that I like him, I mean he doesn't know that I want to be with him but what do I do? He has a girlfriend afterall so should I tell him how I feel?

Well in fairness, you were originally the one 'using' him so to speak, so that shouldn't come into it. It's fairly simple really, if you like him tell him, if you don't, don't. What's the problem? Better you tell him and make him decide, than continuing to cheat with him behind his gf's back tbh. If he'll cheat with you, he'll cheat on you so the boardsie phrase goes, so beware.

Taltos

I'm with prinz on this.

Think you need to sit down and ask where this is all going.
However like prinz I am concerned that he has a history now of cheating on gf's and obviously thinks it is ok. So be very very careful there.

Would suggest though that if you do not hear what you want to hear from him that you should call it a day. Thank him for his fun but explain that your relationship abeit sexual is taking away from the fun you want to have with other people.

Hope it works out for you though; sometimes these fb relationships do work out - just leave the baggage behind.

Time out

Reckon after couple of years you have to sort it out - either go out with him and see how things go or leave it. The former is preferable really. Give him bit of ultimatum but in very soft terms. It could drag on for ages otherwise and there is lots of others out there!

LegacyUser

prinz wrote: »

Well in fairness, you were originally the one 'using' him so to speak, so that shouldn't come into it. It's fairly simple really, if you like him tell him, if you don't, don't. What's the problem? Better you tell him and make him decide, than continuing to cheat with him behind his gf's back tbh. If he'll cheat with you, he'll cheat on you so the boardsie phrase goes, so beware.

OP here. I wasn't using him. I told him I could only be fb's because he's younger than me, at the time was still under 18 and in school, whereas I was 18 and had done my LC and his parents were getting involved and told me that while I'm a great girl, I'm too old for him! I'm a year and a half older. However, I think that it doesn't matter so much anymore because he's 18 now and his parents have cooled off.

Thanks for the cheating advice though, I had thought about that myself.

prinz

Unregistered wrote: »

OP here. I wasn't using him. I told him I could only be fb's because he's younger than me.

So you got sex with no strings....... and now you're accusing him of using you, because of what exactly....sex with no strings? No one used anyone was my point. If you want to throw that word around then you're both guilty so there's no point. Frankly I'd have no respect for a guy who's a serial cheater to begin with.