Problems after moving in together

LegacyUser

Hello all, would like to talk about this with a mate but don't know if I would get a serious response, hopefully someone can help me. . .

Moved in with the girlfriend a couple of months back, we both own our own places but I said I'd move in with her (and hopefully rent mine) as both are pretty much the same in terms on standards and commuting distance for work etc, she seemed more comfortable in her place close to her parents so we went with that.

The main problem I seem to have is adjusing to her messyness, I know some will say I should have spotted it before hand, I did but thought i'd cope but it seems I'm not. In the bedroom I keep my stuff pretty tidy (not anal, just putting clean clothes away etc), her side is a bombsite to say the least, I trip on stuff if walking in the dark! and there are clothes (all washed etc) stacked up on the floor and on a shelf as there isn't enough room in her press.

I know it sounds petty but its starting to do my head in, there are papers all around house, in piles, she says she is alwasy to busy to tidy up/put them away, I just don't understand it as if she didit as things came in (or clothes were washed) it wouldn't be a job to do.

Now I know I've moved in with her, but is it to much to expect a bit of clutterfree living?? If I'm honest I dont feel comfortable living like this, have never lived in such a mess in my life (and she wonders why she can't find anything in a hurry).

To top things off, my commute is working out to be a LOT more than we thought, and a lot more than I was used to at my old place, it doesn't affect her though as she drives (so takes 20 mins each way to get to work/home) where it takes be closer to 90 mins each way, I know the only way the fix it would be to move out which is not idea, all i'd like is a bit of understanding when I get home at night (often 7.30/8) whereby she is home by half 5.

Have broached the cleaning issuebut always get a 'I'm to tired, not today, or 'not everyone is as orgaised as you' lines - I honestly dont think it would take much effort on her part (and she would become more orgaised by being able to find things faster) without even trying that much!

Any help on how I can talk to her about this stuff??(normally don't have a problem talking to each other but this is proving to be a brick wall).

Thanks all for reading.

newtoboards

Tell her that it bothers you first and foremost. Don't be angry or confrontational. Just pick one or two things that really get on your nerves and deal with them. Don't expect her to change overnight as this is the way she has been living but perhaps she may be able to meet you some of the way if you can tolerate a certain level of messiness. Also if it bothers you terribly there is also the alternative of cleaning it yourself! I'm a neat-freak at the best of times but fnd if I want something done to my "standard" then it's best for me to do it myself

miju

all i'm gonna say is I lived with someone like that for 3 years and people like that tend to NEVER change their ways so you will either have to learn to live with it or not (personally I was the same as you it drove me MENTAL all the time)

Can't understand how people can be messy

Wurly

Okay well you need to tell her just how much this is bothering you as she obviously doesn't get it.

Why not get a cleaner in for the rest of the house and then all she has to do is keep the room relatively clean.

State that you are entitled to a clean living space too and it's not fair on you.

Sit and have a proper talk about it, rather than saying it in passing.

I live in a house share and our cleaner comes once a week. She costs 25 euros. It's a small price to pay for the amount of arguments avoided.

Time out

Yeah cleaner sounds like good idea. Not fair of her to give the whole like it or lump it line. Maybe its something you could do a bit of each, even if she is more messy. Its all about compromise.

Madame Razz

Maybe you could go rent in a more mutually convenient location with more space for storage for her stuff?

I think a lot of women are stuck for storage, myself included.

If moving in't an option, could you suggest doing the room up, putting in extra wardrobes or whatever??

The cleaner suggestion is good too, but it sounds to me that your girlfriend needs more storage space moreso than anything else.

It can seem like a mammoth task to go thru stuff like clothes etc on your own, especially if you have a lot of them. Perhaps you could arrange to set aside a weekend and help her do it, so it would seem less daunting??

Regardless, you need to sit her down and have a chat about it; you'll go nuts otherwise......