Love of my life going home, and she doesn't know how I feel

LegacyUser

I have a girlfriend of 7 years. we have our ups and downs but i was generally content.

Then there is a girl at work. she is from the Australia branch of our company, but was over for a few weeks. I have had the best two weeks ever with her, i mean it was awesome.
We did not do anything or let anything happen, I just showed her around and made her feel welcome.

The problem is I absolutely love this girl. I thought i was content with my girlfriend, but whenever im near this girl im just awestruck by her. she is just brilliant.

She is heading back home tomorrow, which means il prob never see her again. im sick to my stomach ( literally) at the thought of her leaving and on the verge of tears all day.
Im actually weak at the thought of her going.

There is no point in telling her how i feel as she lives in Australia and I in Ireland.

Also, regardless of the fact that we cannot be together, what do i do now about my girlfriend, as great as she is, she doesnt make my insides jump like this girl does.

Ive never felt so awful in my life over something. Has anyone been in this situation and what did you do?

Escapism

7 year itch??

Keep in contact with Aussie girl and if contact keeps up and feelings are truly there then you'll be able to decide what road to take ....

Say goodbye on good terms

Agent J

This is only what i would do but the 1st thing i would strongly consider is breaking up with my current GF.

It wouldn't be fair to continue on with someone if someone else came along and made me feel like that.

Irreguardlesss of what happens with the Aussie girl to be honest.

Overheal

For your own sake you need to treat this as a BFF kinda situation. Like "Damn, I really ****ing hate to see you leave, we were just becoming such good friends."

Leave it at that. Sanity Saved.

Vanbis

edge_of_despair wrote: »

I have a girlfriend of 7 years. we have our ups and downs but i was generally content.

You need to tell your Girlfriend its over and don't string her along any further giving her hope when all you will be thinking about is the Aussie who you have only meet and know for 2weeks.

Personally i think you should just tell the Aussie Girl how you feel and see what she says. What have you got to lose, she's is going back home to Australia and like you say you will never see her again.....unless. You don't want to be sitting at home and then you decide to tell her through MSN or a E-mail, grow a pair and lets know what happens. Good Luck.

Sarah W

How did you feel when you first met your girlfriend? Was she 'awesome' and 'brilliant' and did you 'absolutely love' her?

LegacyUser

It was different how i first met my girlfriend. i was just out of a relationship, and was out with friends. i started kissing one of their friends and we eventually started going out after a rocky on off patch.

Im hoping after Aussie girl goes home things will return to normal.....out of sight out of mind. dont know what i will do if they dont.

sachamama

so are you settling for your irish girl or do you truly love her?

what happens when someone else totally awesome comes along? are you being fair to your irish girl and fair to yourself ? rather than rock the boat and take a risk?

honestly if you loved your girl you wouldnt be swayed by anyone else at all. so perhaps she isnt the girl for you after all.

LegacyUser

sachamama wrote: »

so are you settling for your irish girl or do you truly love her?

what happens when someone else totally awesome comes along? are you being fair to your irish girl and fair to yourself ? rather than rock the boat and take a risk?

honestly if you loved your girl you wouldnt be swayed by anyone else at all. so perhaps she isnt the girl for you after all.

I was afraid of that.

sachamama

edge_of_despair wrote: »

I was afraid of that.

it had to be said, eh? I guess its your move now.

LegacyUser

So what happened? Did she go home today & did you say something to her???

Eve_Dublin

OP when you say you love this Australian chick do you mean you LOVE her or just as a figure of speech? Can you fall in love with someone in 2 weeks?

I dunno, not convinced...this can't be love.

Sounds like the 7 year itch like the first poster said.

You knew the Aussie for 2 weeks...2 weeks in not enough time to really get to know this girl warts 'n' all.

Perhaps you're putting this woman on a pedestal because she's "exotic", you knew her on a purely social basis (minus the warts 'n' all), you had a good time and now that she's gone, you'll never get to know her properly leaving you with this almost mythical memory of this girl that will just build up over time to some unrealistic fantasy.

You need to get real here, OP. How could your Irish girlfriend, who've you known for 7 years and have gone through the good and bad times with and have seen every facet of and have slept with (which is probably getting a bit routine by now) ever compare to this new, shiny, fantastical woman that you never slept with, adding to the mystery and allure?

I've no advice because I'm only speculating and I could be totally wrong....maybe this Aussie girl is the one for you... but if these feelings go on, then you need to be fair on your current OH and ask yourself how happy you are in the relationship.

Nettie

Well what I'd do is just say bye to the Australian girl but keep in contact with her. I'd reccomend MSN. Trust me, it's a great way to keep in contact with people far away.

I'd just stay with the girlfriend for the time being.

If you still have feelings for the Australian girl even after a few months of talking on MSN to her then you probably should break up with your girlfriend. It wouldn't be fair to lead her on.

Good luck.

Eve_Dublin

Nettie wrote: »

Well what I'd do is just say bye to the Australian girl but keep in contact with her. I'd reccomend MSN. Trust me, it's a great way to keep in contact with people far away.

I'd just stay with the girlfriend for the time being.

If you still have feelings for the Australian girl even after a few months of talking on MSN to her then you probably should break up with your girlfriend. It wouldn't be fair to lead her on.

Good luck.

Hmmm...is it fair to his girlfriend to be chatting to this girl he has feelings for via MSN chat and indulging in this fantasy?

I'd say try your best to forget her.

MJOR

there are many roads you can take here... If your girlfriend is similar to a comfortable pair of trainers that hold no real atrraction bar the comfort of knowing that you have them then I would say that it's time to have a chat with her....
As for Oz girl...... Well if you cannot really see anything happening I wouldn't bother torturing myself wilth emails and MSN. Unless you're planning on taking a year down under or vice versa.

Asess your cureent relationship and give it the time it deserves....

LegacyUser

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

OP when you say you love this Australian chick do you mean you LOVE her or just as a figure of speech? Can you fall in love with someone in 2 weeks?

I dunno, not convinced...this can't be love.

Sounds like the 7 year itch like the first poster said.

You knew the Aussie for 2 weeks...2 weeks in not enough time to really get to know this girl warts 'n' all.

Perhaps you're putting this woman on a pedestal because she's "exotic", you knew her on a purely social basis (minus the warts 'n' all), you had a good time and now that she's gone, you'll never get to know her properly leaving you with this almost mythical memory of this girl that will just build up over time to some unrealistic fantasy.

You need to get real here, OP. How could your Irish girlfriend, who've you known for 7 years and have gone through the good and bad times with and have seen every facet of and have slept with (which is probably getting a bit routine by now) ever compare to this new, shiny, fantastical woman that you never slept with, adding to the mystery and allure?

I've no advice because I'm only speculating and I could be totally wrong....maybe this Aussie girl is the one for you... but if these feelings go on, then you need to be fair on your current OH and ask yourself how happy you are in the relationship.

This is the best advice you could have gotten. Although I have a feeling you may not listen to it and have already made up your mind! Well, perhaps you will learn the hard way. But so be it, we all need to learn our own life lessons.

Read the book 'High Fidelity' by Nick Hornby.

LegacyUser

Hi.

So, for the update, the Aussie girl is gone home, I miss her and feel she had some feelings for me also, weather they were just a small thing for the 2 weeks or something more, i dont know.

Came home, told my girlfriend that things have not been feeling right and that I had feelings for something else. The funny thing is she kinda knew there was something wrong, but she was not fully sure what.

I told her that I knew I was wrong to let those kind of feelings develop, but honestly, I dont know how I could have prevented them either.

I also said that the fact that I could develop those feelings for someone else indicated something wrong in our relationship.

I do not think I want to break up with my current girlfriend, as we have been through so much together. She is my other half, but there is something seriously wrong also.

We are assessing the situation over the next few days and see what is missing, whats at fault and how to fix it.

I think that we have been going out so long that we are now just best friends, instead of boyfriend and girlfriend. I dont know how it happened but it has.

If it came to it, im physically incapable of breaking up with her. I also dont know why, but I just cant.

Im not sleeping, not eating, trembling all of the time, unable to concentrate on anything.
This sucks soooo much. Love is not worth this at all.

herya

edge_of_despair wrote: »

I think that we have been going out so long that we are now just best friends, instead of boyfriend and girlfriend. I dont know how it happened but it has.

Just remember that these two things are not mutually exclusive. Kudos for being open with your gf.

seamus

edge_of_despair wrote: »

I do not think I want to break up with my current girlfriend, as we have been through so much together. She is my other half, but there is something seriously wrong also.
...
I think that we have been going out so long that we are now just best friends, instead of boyfriend and girlfriend. I dont know how it happened but it has.

It's messy. I don't accept the argument that some people make that, "If you loved your OH, you'd never have eyes for anyone else.". It's absolutely possible to be in a happy, loving relationship and for someone else to come along whom you find very physically attractive and whom you have a great time with. It's fresh and new and they're fun and every primal urge in your body is pushing you towards them.

But it doesn't mean you're in love with the new person nor have you necessarily fallen out of love with your current partner. Lust and infatuation are deliberately powerful emotions so that it doesn't take you 6 months to decide whether or not you've found an appropriate mate (by which time someone else will have snatched them up).

Fair play to you for being so upfront to your current girlfriend. Best friends should really be a given for any relationship, however in my eyes the only measure of whether you actually want to be in a relationship is whether you could stand to let her go - could you imagine living without being with her - and not just because she's "comfortable", but because you want to share your days with her, because you love her. There's a difference between wanting to have someone "there" in your life and wanting to actually share your life with someone.

Goduznt Xzst

OP can I ask, do you and your current girlfriend share many pastimes together. Aside from the obvious of course (sex, tv, movies, drinking, holidays... etc)

A good way to re-spark your relationship (outside of physical) is to think of an interest your gf has that you do not participate in, and encourage it and become an active part in it. The drudge of day to day life can make any loving relationship feel gray. If we where to write down on a page the amount of new information we learn about our OH's on a day to day basis it's probably less than a paragraph. But you have to imagine that they, and you, have a complete days worth of memories and thoughts that are not being shared.

Aside from the physical attraction this new acquaintance obviously scratched an itch. I think it might of been the sudden deluge of new information and perspective, it seems fresh and new and you just want to consume more of it. Couple this with a familiar sex life and anyone could seem appealing over someone we have been with for years.

Regardless of how long you have been with your gf, you do not truly know her. We will never get to fully know another person and their thoughts in our lifetime. Your gf has dreams and desires. If you want to truly remember why you fell in love with your gf in the first place help her to accomplish one of those dreams.

Also, make it a point to learn something new about her every day. Even if it's little things about her childhood, she has years of memories and thoughts that she is willing to share with you if you'll only ask.

sachamama

edge_of_despair wrote: »

Im not sleeping, not eating, trembling all of the time, unable to concentrate on anything.
This sucks soooo much. Love is not worth this at all.

its good that you spoke to her, and because you are having this physical reaction it shows you how important this is to you. you can breathe now, the worst bit is over. if she is hanging in there with you and willing to figure it all out, thats fantastic. you've not done anything wrong. forgive yourself and move to the next stage of your relationship!