I don't know what to do anymore

LegacyUser

im posting this an unreg. for a goood reason i hav been married for 3 years now and everyting was fine up until a few months ago i do love my o.h. but i made a mistake one nite and gt caught kissing another man, he forgave me but now i hav been aving doubts bout our love live he has a ecertile dysfuntion problem and its really taking its toll on our marriage. im very young to be married im 23 hes 29 and hes telling me to go so at least i can be satisfied iv tried everything but im nt satisfied, is it selfish to go just to be satisfied? should i stay even if it means i wont be satisfied? any help would be appriciated thanx

prinz

So you get caught kissing another man... perhaps your OH forgave you but has a mental block about having sex with you because of it. tbh I wonder why he's married to you because you sound about as deep as a puddle on a hill.If you love your husband as you say you do, you don't go elsewhere just to get 'satisfied'.

not yet

What a sh1ty immature post................

You don't love this man so just leave him to get on with his life.

Wibbs

OK lets try and keep this helpful and try and have some objectivity please.

Saucey-Susie

I dont think its an immature post at all and i can understand why you went and kissed someone else due to the lack of performance from your husband. you are 23 years old and i think if you are already kissing another guy, its gonna continue, if not go further, down the line

do you think you could honestly be with your husband and be faithful with him for the rest of your life, knowing he cant get it up? Sex is a huge part of any relationship.

shellyboo

Yes, it's selfish to leave just to be satisfied. Has your husband even looked into getting his problem sorted? Have you?

Doesn't bode well for your marriage long-term if you're prepared to run out at the first sign of trouble. I'd be the first to insist that sex is hugely important in a relationship, but it sounds like you're not even trying to fix this problem.

You've got a long way to go before you should even be thinking about leaving. You need to think about how to solve your marriage problems first.

not yet

shellyboo wrote: »

Yes, it's selfish to leave just to be satisfied. Has your husband even looked into getting his problem sorted? Have you?

Doesn't bode well for your marriage long-term if you're prepared to run out at the first sign of trouble. I'd be the first to insist that sex is hugely important in a relationship, but it sounds like you're not even trying to fix this problem.

You've got a long way to go before you should even be thinking about leaving. You need to think about how to solve your marriage problems first.

True.....

I just seems very superficial that at the first sign of trouble thats it! good luck I'm outta here, If the OP loves this man she should at least try solve the problem. Otherwise she's wasting both his, and her life.

Oh The Humanity

No its not selfish to leave to be satisfied.

The way I read it is OP went wandering because he has ED, not that the ED was caused by her wandering.

He sounds very lukewarm about you leaving in saying you should. And how long has he had ED.....has he tried to do anything about it?

If not well, it begs the question why not?

Is OP not important enough for him to get it sorted?

the_syco

When did he get the ecertile dysfuntion problem?

Loomis

Oh The Humanity wrote: »

No its not selfish to leave to be satisfied.

The way I read it is OP went wandering because he has ED, not that the ED was caused by her wandering.

He sounds very lukewarm about you leaving in saying you should. And how long has he had ED.....has he tried to do anything about it?

If not well, it begs the question why not?

Is OP not important enough for him to get it sorted?

I think a more appropriate question is 'Is he not important enough to her to prevent her cheating?'

She seems very immature. Anyone defending that with 'oh she's only 23 and married too young' is making pathetic excuses. She was old enough to make a decision to get married and knows what it entails.

If you want to be 'satisfied' try helping your husband in sorting his problem. If he fixes it then you can 'get satisfied' by your husband rather than a stranger. If he doesn't then you have a case to leave him for your own happiness. In neither of these situations do you have a case for cheating. That was just selfish and immature.

My advice is leave him. He can then sort himself out without you around. He should do it for himself and his happiness, not for yours. You can leave a situation that is clearly beyond your compassion.

partyguinness

Mr. Anderson wrote: »

I think a more appropriate question is 'Is he not important enough to her to prevent her cheating?'

She seems very immature. Anyone defending that with 'oh she's only 23 and married too young' is making pathetic excuses. She was old enough to make a decision to get married and knows what it entails.

If you want to be 'satisfied' try helping your husband in sorting his problem. If he fixes it then you can 'get satisfied' by your husband rather than a stranger. If he doesn't then you have a case to leave him for your own happiness. In neither of these situations do you have a case for cheating. That was just selfish and immature.

My advice is leave him. He can then sort himself out without you around. He should do it for himself and his happiness, not for yours. You can leave a situation that is clearly beyond your compassion.

That is not very helpful...ok so the marriage is in trouble and your attitude it to jump ship at the first sign of trouble....thats not very mature and pretty cowardly..IMO..taking the easy option so to speak.

Relationships/marriages are not all a bed of roses and they require hard work every so often and they should work through their problems TOGETHER because that's what loving couples do for each other.

messygirl

You can still have a lot of fun and be satisfied, but cheating will not make you feel better, if you do it just to get sexual kicks I imagine it wouldn't make your ego and self esteem very well, and it would definately damage the marriage to have him thinking of you having meaningless sex with a stranger and then coming home for a cuddle.

There are plenty (I think?) solutions for erectile dysfunction, go to a doctor and sort it out. What will happen when you want kids? It cant go on and you need to sort it out. Reassure your husband you only want to have sex with him, and you will wait. In the meantime, sorry to be blunt or crude, but get a rampant rabbit and include him in foreplay.

One question I have to ask, did this develop since you knew him or did he have it from before he met you? Did you marry him knowing about this?

It's not the end of the world, there are solutions and you owe it to your husband to try them all before you go off with strangers/sex buddies and damage your marriage.
Best of luck!

LegacyUser

yh he had sum sort of problem but got over it but in last few years has got a lot worse i think its stress em we already have 2 kids im going to try work it maybe like foreplay or try include him i dont want to leave him we hav been trough harder times than this and think its pointless to leave at first sign of trouble i guess i just wanted to hear difrent opinions
maybe i am a bit immature but i can cop myself on as wel il try new things
yh he has been doctor he might be diabetic so il help him trough that as wel if it is xxxxx

messygirl

Well if he has been able to have sex in the past its curable. He says he wants you to be satisfied and to find someone else but if you did I can't see howw he would be ok with it.

Truthfully a lot of it is stress related and if he feels under pressure to preform then he won't get better as quick,but if you show him you love himand are not going to cheat on him and include him in fun then that is much more important and plays a bigger part than doctors!

I don't think you are immature, you have kids, you are married, your partner is diabetic and cant perform and satisfy you. You are dealing with a lot and are coping well so fair play! You are at the end of the day a young woman with a lot of responsibilities so don't let people condemn you for wanting to have a bit of fun! Just be there for your husband and don't pressure him to have sex and show him how much he pleases you in other ways. Relationships are built on the little things more than anything else (like the way your oh makes your favourite breakfast as a treat, or the way he takes the kids so you can have half an hour alone, or when you are hungover and he brings you a pint of water and holds you r hair when you get sick) those are just as important as sex! A penis can't make your favourite dinner or open up a bottle of your favourite wine, or hold your hand when you start crying because nemo's mum died in "finding nemo".

best of luck!

Loomis

partyguinness wrote: »

[/B]


That is not very helpful...ok so the marriage is in trouble and your attitude it to jump ship at the first sign of trouble....thats not very mature and pretty cowardly..IMO..taking the easy option so to speak.

Relationships/marriages are not all a bed of roses and they require hard work every so often and they should work through their problems TOGETHER because that's what loving couples do for each other.

Did you read my post?

My suggestion, at the first sign of trouble, was to try to fix it. She chose to cheat on her husband at the first sign of trouble. So yes, that was cowardly and selfish.

Cheating being the second sign of trouble, I gave my second suggestion; she should leave the marriage since her actions show she has little concern for the marriage or for her husband. At the first sign of trouble she disregarded the marriage and her husband for her own needs.

VaioCruiser

Unregistered wrote: »

im posting this an unreg. for a goood reason i hav been married for 3 years now and everyting was fine up until a few months ago i do love my o.h. but i made a mistake one nite and gt caught kissing another man, he forgave me but now i hav been aving doubts bout our love live he has a ecertile dysfuntion problem and its really taking its toll on our marriage. im very young to be married im 23 hes 29 and hes telling me to go so at least i can be satisfied iv tried everything but im nt satisfied, is it selfish to go just to be satisfied? should i stay even if it means i wont be satisfied? any help would be appriciated thanx

Please ignore the ignorant and pitiful posts from people who know nothing about love, marriage and it's challenges.

There are as many kinds of marriage relationships as grains of sand OP. What matters is being happy. That is all. If both parties are happy then nothing and nobody else matters a damn.

At 23, a guy with ED is a challenge to any relationship. You have not really said if you love him or how important penetrative sex is to YOU. You say all was well prior to the kiss, but it doesn't gel with your statement that you have an agreement to get sexual satisfaction elsewhere..? or do you ? please elaborate.

I get the feeling that you are not as pushed about being satisfied as he is about YOU being satisfied ... is that correct ? Are his urgings to you causing more of the problem that the lack of penetrative sex ? If so then I am not surprised you are not feeling satisfied.

Please post more background.

All the best !

LegacyUser

he is the best guy we both have a loving and caaring relationship i love him wit all my heart and want to make this work sex i used to use as a thrill he is the only guy i hav been faithful i dont want to slip back to my old ways i am very happy wit him and he is with me. ok this idea bout penetatave sex came up wen i went and bought a rabbit and i know he felt insecure but i told him it to help us maybe it wil be turn on
im very experienced and he isnt but i told him i love to have sex wit him
em yh he worries that my experience is problem in sex life yh having problem has been strain on our marriage any help wud be helpful thanx xxxx

Wibbs

VaioCruiser wrote: »

Please ignore the ignorant and pitiful posts from people who know nothing about love, marriage and it's challenges.

Other posters have an opinion, just like yours. No more no less. Plus how do we know you know anything about love marriage and it's challenges? We don't, so please less of the "pitiful" and "ignorant" comments about other views. Thanks.

messygirl

Is he doing anything to help remedy the situation? I would be actually hurt and insulted if my boyf suggested I get off with a different bloke if I felt the need. Does that mean if he experiences an erection with another woman instead of you he is entitled to satisfy himself by being unfaithful?!

Experience should not be the issue. It seems he is dragging his insecurities into it. If he has been able to have sex in the past do you think it is psychological? Would you suggest counselling? Maybe reading up on it for free on the internet and seeing if there is any issues he may have about sex.

It seems as if you are trying, but he has to try too! It is embarrassing to admit it but it would be even more embarrassing having another man satisfy your wife and you giving your blessing.

No one knows what you are going through except for you, we may have had similar situations or similar problems but every problem is unique, so take everything with a grain of salt, and do what is best for you.

Thinking back on my previous post, while I do believe it is the little thigs that matter most, I don;t mean to make you feel bad or thinking you have to live in a sexless marriage, but just that maybe he feels under pressure and it is affecting your performance?

And a partner should never make anyone else feel bad about their partners previous sexual experience.

nmesisca

messygirl wrote: »

Is he doing anything to help remedy the situation? I would be actually hurt and insulted if my boyf suggested I get off with a different bloke if I felt the need. Does that mean if he experiences an erection with another woman instead of you he is entitled to satisfy himself by being unfaithful?!

Experience should not be the issue. It seems he is dragging his insecurities into it. If he has been able to have sex in the past do you think it is psychological? Would you suggest counselling? Maybe reading up on it for free on the internet and seeing if there is any issues he may have about sex.

It seems as if you are trying, but he has to try too! It is embarrassing to admit it but it would be even more embarrassing having another man satisfy your wife and you giving your blessing.

No one knows what you are going through except for you, we may have had similar situations or similar problems but every problem is unique, so take everything with a grain of salt, and do what is best for you.

Thinking back on my previous post, while I do believe it is the little thigs that matter most, I don;t mean to make you feel bad or thinking you have to live in a sexless marriage, but just that maybe he feels under pressure and it is affecting your performance?

And a partner should never make anyone else feel bad about their partners previous sexual experience.

.... i dont think it takes a PHD to understand that the OP's OH feels responsible for the OP's dissatisfaction and has started to think shes better off (and happier) without him. the more experienced the OP is the more her OH feels under pressure and not able to cope with it. which in turn makes the problem worse.

Oh The Humanity

nmesisca wrote: »

.... i dont think it takes a PHD to understand that the OP's OH feels responsible for the OP's dissatisfaction and has started to think shes better off (and happier) without him. the more experienced the OP is the more her OH feels under pressure and not able to cope with it. which in turn makes the problem worse.

Hm, Im not so sure, could be an assumption too far imho.

Diabeties has been mentioned which can cause/contribute to ED so the cause cant be assumed to be psychological at all.

OP, your OH needs to get himself to the Doctor and perhaps a little bit of counselling for you both might be apt.

The fact that your fella is so wishy washy about being prepared to let you go and be 'satisfied elsewhere' is worrying.

You need to get to the bottom of that. It could be he is just not that into you any more (:( I hope not, but it must be explored)

It could be a number of reasons. ED is extremely detrimental to a relationship and should not be neglected.

nmesisca

Oh The Humanity wrote: »

The fact that your fella is so wishy washy about being prepared to let you go and be 'satisfied elsewhere' is worrying.

And the fact you're saying wishy washy is not an assumption?
For all you know the guy could have thought about this long and hard (no pun) and could be a totally selfless act.

Moomoo1

I think it's just his self-esteem. Most men with ED are horribly down about it...